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Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 877
Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
Mission: Finding Lascaux (1/2)
Author: gulberat
Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Estimated Mission Length:60 min.
Method of Delivery: Forum Post

Description: Though some now serve capably as Starfleet officers, mystery surrounds the Pakleds and how they came to be found drifting nearly helpless amongst the stars capable of seemingly little, yet alive.

The Federation and Cardassians have tasked you with finding the remnants of their history--and bringing the interveners to account.

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This is a story-oriented mission with a bit of space combat. Please note that I am very new to the Foundry and still not sure of a lot of its mechanics. Also, if you spot a typo, please let me know where! Thanks!
Federation Mission - Finding Lascaux (1/2)
Author: gulberat
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HTUXMIUDS

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is an outstanding mission with excellent story dialogue and good map designs. The battles that you spread out in the mission fit well within the overall story. It is a long mission but I hardly notice the length thanks to your story dialogue and tasks. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who like a great story combined with good map design.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is an interesting description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: The initial task gives a clear location for to meet the contact. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Deep Space Nine (Cryptic Map): This is a good use of the Cryptic map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider removing the need for the player to go to Ops to continue the mission. The dialogue is well written but I see no need for the player to go there for one dialogue window and then head to the ship.

Cardassia Prime: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider moving the spawn point closer to the interaction. The long flight did not seem to add anything to the story.

Cardassian Ministry of Science: This is a good map design with very detailed and excellent dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of optional dialogue. Consider changing the optional dialogue you have on this map and change it to triggered optional dialogue. This allows you to make the dialogue go away after the player has interacted with it. It can also be set to go away depending on what the player does.
-Consider changing "they bear their?girth?quite" to read "they bare their?girth?quite", unless you were using the term "bear" as in the animal.

Cardassia Prime: I understand what you are trying to do with this map but I am not sure it is needed. The player spawns, flies across the map and transfers to the next map. Consider re-writing the map transfer dialogue from the previous map to indicate the ship would warp to the nebula as soon as the player beams aboard.

Betreka Nebula Research Site: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the task of scanning three derelicts to scanning only one. The need to scan the three ships felt unneeded.

Derelict Freighter: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider breaking the "Scan bodies" task into separate tasks with dialogue after each explaining what the scan found on that body. It feels odd that we scan five bodies before the Science BOFF tells the player what they found.
-Consider changing the "Record evidence of slavery" task into a single scan of all cages. The need to record each one seems unnecessary.
-Consider changing the "Scan Borg technology" task into a single scan of all the equipment. The need to scan each one seems unnecessary.

CDS Ghemor Bridge: This is a great map design with excellent story dialogue. I appreciate you providing the "Easy" button for the puzzles. I am not always in the mood to do math problems while playing a mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Betreka Nebula Research Site: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

A Chilling Conclusion: This map has excellent story dialogue and serves as a good wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The warp effect you used does not work very well. Consider reorienting the map so the ship is facing west and use the "WeatherStarStreaks East-West 01" effect.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission despite being new to the Foundry. I thoroughly enjoyed the mission.
Brian

This critique report also filed 01/12/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".