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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 147
# 46
01-13-2013, 02:05 PM
Originally Posted by keepcalm View Post
I have also read and enjoyed all but one of the entries.
Mine. I should ahve left it until not tired and dome something at least decent.
Here is some (hopefully) constructive feedback on your entry.
  • The best way to get better at writing is to write. You are talking with anonymous people, so what's the harm in posting something and getting feedback?
  • It might be better to identify the main character's species earlier. I read it and assumed she was Gorn.
  • Give hints as to why the Ferasan feels out of place. Maybe the Klingons are suspicious of her and wouldn't let others of her kind join her onboard. Or the other Ferasan died in a previous engagement with the Federation.
  • You might want to consider a stronger conclusion, or a cliff hanger to be resolved in the next literary challenge. Maybe the central computer exploded after the Reman left, or she dropped a grenade, or muttered something about revenge.