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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 130
# 62
01-24-2013, 07:44 AM
Can someone inform the Greeting-Tribble at the front desk that the server status is definitely not 'up'? It's causing me no end of confusion.

Also ...
Originally Posted by themarie View Post
Honest Patch Notes:

*Buffed Borg LOLpedo to make even more unfair. All Borg torpedoes now do eleven trillion critical damage per shot, have unlimited rage and are utterly unstoppable. 2 second cooldown.

*Broke user-interface, buttons now change position at random when clicked, or drop entirely. We don't know what went wrong, nor do we care about fixing it. Buy a master key.

*Finished rendering all plot-missions unplayable due to AI glitches, background image failures and various other major show-stopping bugs. This portion of the game does not generate revenue therefore we DO NOT give two tribbles out of a Borg's butt about it. (Sadly this one is more true than you realize! )

*Added eleven new grind maps and 16 new reputation systems, each requiring 8 new currencies. Some promised rep items are broken to the point that they are useless, while others haven't even been programmed yet.

*Nerfed all powers that benefit the player in any way. Sci Team actually reduces your shields, Eng Team damages your hull, and Tac Team causes your security team to blow **** up aboard your own ship. Haz Team will cause you to burst into flames. Aux Power abilities will set your power levels to Zero for 15 min.

*Decreased server stability. We removed two banks of RAM and half of the CPU arrays and gave them to the Neverwinter team in trade for use of the K-Cup coffee-maker.

*Added new player ability "Orbital Howitzer." Instantly destroys any target for the low low cost of 500 lobi per shot.

*Added a bunch of Foundry stuff that doesn't work. Or does it? No one really knows because the person who programs the Foundry speaks Dutch and we can't understand him.

*Manipulated the Dilth market so you can no longer spend money to get ahead, you must grind a MINIMUM of 16 hours a day.

*Decreased Refine Cap by 7,500.

*Sold password management database to Russian Mobster to finance VO work for next grind-world map.

We expect this downtime to last for at least 8 hours with a 75% chance of something going wrong and extending the time by 2 hours. Downtime will occur during peak hours for non-American markets because we just don't give a dang about France. Sorry France. Cryptic Studios hopes you enjoy your expanded STO: Grind Harder Experience and that you will buy lots of lockbox keys otherwise we will all be unemployed. Thank you for playing STO: Grind Harder.
...this entire post. It made me laugh.