Scheduled Maintenance (January 24, 2013)
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Join Date: Oct 2012
01-24-2013, 07:44 AM
Can someone inform the Greeting-Tribble at the front desk that the server status is definitely not 'up'? It's causing me no end of confusion.
Originally Posted by
Honest Patch Notes:
*Buffed Borg LOLpedo to make even more unfair. All Borg torpedoes now do eleven trillion critical damage per shot, have unlimited rage and are utterly unstoppable. 2 second cooldown.
*Broke user-interface, buttons now change position at random when clicked, or drop entirely. We don't know what went wrong, nor do we care about fixing it. Buy a master key.
*Finished rendering all plot-missions unplayable due to AI glitches, background image failures and various other major show-stopping bugs. This portion of the game does not generate revenue therefore we DO NOT give two tribbles out of a Borg's butt about it. (Sadly this one is more true than you realize!
*Added eleven new grind maps and 16 new reputation systems, each requiring 8 new currencies. Some promised rep items are broken to the point that they are useless, while others haven't even been programmed yet.
*Nerfed all powers that benefit the player in any way. Sci Team actually reduces your shields, Eng Team damages your hull, and Tac Team causes your security team to blow **** up aboard your own ship. Haz Team will cause you to burst into flames. Aux Power abilities will set your power levels to Zero for 15 min.
*Decreased server stability. We removed two banks of RAM and half of the CPU arrays and gave them to the Neverwinter team in trade for use of the K-Cup coffee-maker.
*Added new player ability "Orbital Howitzer." Instantly destroys any target for the low low cost of 500 lobi per shot.
*Added a bunch of Foundry stuff that doesn't work. Or does it? No one really knows because the person who programs the Foundry speaks Dutch and we can't understand him.
*Manipulated the Dilth market so you can no longer spend money to get ahead, you must grind a MINIMUM of 16 hours a day.
*Decreased Refine Cap by 7,500.
*Sold password management database to Russian Mobster to finance VO work for next grind-world map.
We expect this downtime to last for at least 8 hours with a 75% chance of something going wrong and extending the time by 2 hours. Downtime will occur during peak hours for non-American markets because we just don't give a dang about France. Sorry France. Cryptic Studios hopes you enjoy your expanded STO: Grind Harder Experience and that you will buy lots of lockbox keys otherwise we will all be unemployed. Thank you for playing STO: Grind Harder.
...this entire post. It made me laugh.