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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 147
# 30
02-07-2013, 07:12 PM
Originally Posted by jocelyn2 View Post
Have you read my captain's log yet?
First, welcome to the literary challenges. Keep doing them.

Wow. Your choice of President is scary! Thankfully the Constitution requires the President to be at least 35 years old, so we have a while until this future occurs.

One suggestion - add some more descriptive language next time (either to the environment or insights into the characters' feelings). Your story is almost entirely dialogue. I have the same tendency also.

Feel free to poke at my story. I wrote it in one sitting so there is room for improvement.