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Lieutenant
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 74
# 524
02-10-2013, 06:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Federation Mission - The Wave Empire Ep.4
Author: Skyline45
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQDWSGADV

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with several tough battles throughout, great map designs, and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to other players.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider putting the start location of the first custom map in the initial task. It will make it easier for the player to start your mission. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
The Wave Empire Warp Gate: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Please alt stop" to read "Please all stop".
-Consider changing the response button "Helms bring her to an alt stop" to read "Helm, bring her to all stop".

The Wave Empire Warp Gate Docking Station Threshold: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Hmm, It'd be risky" to read "Hmm, it'd be risky"

Transport Shuttle F292: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "a lot of unawnsered questions" to read "a lot of unanswered questions".
-Consider changing "Load torpedos" to read "Load torpedoes".
-Consider changing "Torpedos are deadlocked" to read "Torpedoes are deadlocked".
-Consider changing "I can awnser them" to read "I can answer them".
-Consider changing "Captain, one hostle down" to read "Captain, one hostile down".
-Consider changing "Two hostles coming" to read "Two hostiles coming".
-Consider changing "use those torpedos" to read "use those torpedoes".
-Consider changing "Fire all aft torpedos" to read "Fire all aft torpedoes".

Achilles Maximum Prison: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Achilles System: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Unknown Location: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the wrap gate now" to read "the warp gate now".
-Consider changing "We'll re-inforce you as soon as we can" to read "We'll reinforce you as soon as we can".
-Consider changing "All hostles neutralized" to read "All hostiles neutralized".

Breen Dreadnought Interior Brig Level: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "According to the ship's logg" to read "According to the ship's log".

NX7 Eclipse Bridge: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing Captain Yuina Skyline's dialogue to triggered dialogue, or make it part of the storyline.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission in the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 02/09/2013 on forum posting for: The Wave Empire Series

Thank you again for your review evil xD

I thought about making the end dialogue with Yuina apart of the storyline like you mentioned, but I choose to leave her as an option to talk to. My intentions where for the people that are getting involved with the series to get subtle hints as to what I'm planning for the next episode. I was also testing out how to work the optional dialogue trees for when I revamp Ep.1's Loerina map.
Join Date: Dec 2009 <Actual Join Date)
My Foundry Missions:
The Wave Empire Series: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...d.php?t=279751