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Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 830
Quote:
Originally Posted by husker75 View Post
Mission of Mercy
I.D. ST-HRYMYOVI3
Author: treky1134
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 16+

Description:
Your ship is needed in Romulan space to help aid the Romulan settlements. Both the settlements and the Federation supply convoys have come under attack from pirate raiders. Starfleet has decided that an officer of your experience is needed to ensure that vital supplies reach the Dera II settlement.


-Thanks for the review. Hope you enjoy!
Federation Mission - Mission of Mercy
Author: treky1134
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HRYMYOVI3

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with great map designs, tough, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to all players. You will enjoy this mission.

I mentioned the use of quotations in the response button on every map. The quotations used had a space between it and the first word of the button. The use of the quotations in the response button seems unnecessary. The response button by default is the player's response and therefore does not require quotations.

While on the subject of dialogue, even though the dialogue is excellent and I found only one spelling error, there are a few places that you should consider adjusting. The spaces in between some of the sentences appeared to be random at times. I am referring to the hard returns between specific sentences in the dialogue. Consider going through the dialogue to ensure the spaces are consistent throughout.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: Consider moving the "Author's Notes" to the description section. Then move the follow on dialogue to start on this screen. I noted a couple of items in the follow on dialogue to consider changing:
-Your starting quotation in the response button appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a start location for the first custom map. Consider adding the sector block to ensure the player can find it more easily. I noted no spelling or errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt

MAPS:
Dera II: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
- Your starting quotation in most of the response buttons appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.

Deck 5: Section 21 Alpha: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I understand what you did by trapping the BOFFs at the beginning of the map. Be careful doing this because you could trap the player as well. Consider moving the spawn point to allow the BOFFs and player to appear on the map. Then give direction to the player to have the player use the rally point for the BOFFs.
-Your starting quotation in most of the response buttons appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.
- I liked the transporter effect, but consider lowering the transporter overhead to be closer to the transporter column effect.

Dera System: This is a great map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Your starting quotation in most of the response buttons appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.
-The "Weather Starstreaks North South" seems to be bugged with the streaks going both directions at regular impulse. Consider changing your map orientation to a westerly orientation and using "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect. It looks more like warp space than the other. The only potential issue is the return trip to Dera II.

The Settlement: This is a great map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Your starting quotation in most of the response buttons appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.
-The Governor Avrak dialogue; consider changing "Now im sure you have questions" to read "Now I'm sure you have questions"

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. I enjoyed it and look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".