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Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 92
02-24-2013, 04:23 PM
@jonsills

Yea, I agree. Something kind of felt off at the end there. Probably the biggest thing was that I couldn't figure out how to end it until I got there, and was like "now what?" Probably would have helped if I weren't writing late at night/early in the morning. Might edit mine a little later once I figure out a better method for ending it.

EDIT:

Adjusted mine a little. A few pieces of dialog were kind of getting to me. Also added a sort of epilogue deliberatly written from Ibalei's point of view to get a sense of how she felt about the situations she had recently been in.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta

Last edited by ironphoenix113; 02-24-2013 at 07:14 PM.