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Ensign
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 4
# 106
03-23-2013, 08:29 PM
When travelling to the Barbarian States of America our Dear Leader was appalled at the poor conditions in which the natives lived. Having become accustomed to a land blessed by his divine touch, he was reminded again that the rest of the world lagged far behind the achievements of his own people. During his week long visit Dear Leader spent time in every single one of the 50 different states, to ensure that none of the poor citizens were denied an opportunity to bask in his presence.

Despite his short stay he easily mastered the language and customs of every single state, and everywhere he went the people admired his delightful accent and trendy clothing and haircut. Adoration for his unique sense of style resulted in a new wave of fashion, and teenage mothers across the land named their newborn babies in honour of the visiting divinity. Pop stars wrote songs inspired by his eloquent speeches, and his helpful advice became the focus of a new reality TV show, Oats Knows Best.

While walking down a country road in Alabama the most benevolent and sexually gifted Dear Leader came upon a dirty, undersized child standing by the side of the road. The child held a small, blunted knife with which he attempted to cut strips from the hide of a dying social progressive. The child struggled and failed with the task again and again, blood dripping from his hands. Nearby a vicious pack of welfare queens watched and waited hungrily, ready to devour the child the instant his strength failed.

His heart stirred with pity, the Dear Leader approached the child and asked what he was doing.
"Sir, the Job Creator for our district has mandated that each citizen must have bootstraps or they will be thrown into the FEMA camps."
Knowing the horror of such a fate Dear Leader took the knife from the child and showed him how to craft a pair of fine, durable bootstraps, calling upon the knowledge he had gained while making charitable love to a cobbler's daughter.

Overwhelmed with joy at the new bootstraps the child fell to his knees, tears of wonder streaming down his emaciated face. However Dear Leader knew that his work was not yet complete. His heart hardening with resolve, he turned his path toward the capital of the Barbarian States and pledged that he would change this backwards country for the better.

Upon reaching the White House Dear Leader easily escaped the notice of the amateur Secret Service by posing as an expert in cocaine. Once inside the president's tacky hovel he made his way to the Oval Office, which was of course securely locked from within. Fortunately Dear Leader found that the Americans were using security software which he himself had designed and programmed, making it a trivial matter to hack into the system and give himself full access. He flung open the doors to the President's inner sanctum and strode confidently into the room. Standing before the gathered officials, Dear Leader opened his heart and mind to those assembled within. His impassioned oration stirred hitherto unknown feelings within the leaders of the BSA, and they recognised that before them stood a man of unparalleled thoughtfulness and generosity. Awed by the concern Dear Leader showed for people not even his own, the representatives of the states prostrated themselves, weeping openly at the honour of sharing in Dear Leader's glorious vision.

The very next day America established the Kim Jong-Oats College of Remedial Arts and Crafts. Teenagers from across the nation travelled to the capital to be taught the secrets of bootstrapping, as well as the techniques of social engineering and internet hacking. Dear Leader himself personally inspected the facility, and instructed the teachers there on the best way to inspire a thirst for knowledge in the students. As the Dear Leader left America to return home his visit was marked by a new star appearing in the heavens, a shining testament to the legacy he left behind him.