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Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 754
Quote:
Originally Posted by dougglendower View Post
Hi. I'd also like you to review my submission to the Foundry Challenge 6:

Mission Name: 404 Error: Admiral Not Found
Author: dougglendower
Minimum Level: None
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAOSHU7Q6
Estimated Mission Length: 40 minutes, a bit longer if you go and find the remote Easter Eggs.
Federation Mission - 404 Error: Admiral Not Found
Author: dougglendower
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAOSHU7Q6

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission that combines good map design, tough, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who love those combinations in a mission. You will enjoy this mission as much as I did.

As I mentioned in an earlier review I feel the "Optional Dialogue" used as standard dialogue insertion in the Foundry is extremely limiting. Several authors have found a way to use triggered dialogue as optional dialogue. The benefit is the dialogue can be configured to go away after the player interacts with it. The drawback of this is that triggered dialogue does not show up on the map. That is not something you can control but something we should all consider asking for the developers to create.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description; however you should consider changing the last sentence. It is a given that orders can and will change in the event of an emergency. We already know there is going to be an emergency, but you do not need to telegraph so blatantly.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Rho Geminorum III: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect you used for this map is a good but with the spawn point set up it appears to be backwards. Consider reorienting the map so the player is coming from the east.
-As you set up your interactions with dialogue prompts remember that not all players stop automatically when dialogue appears. In some circumstances they may fly past the next prompt if they are slow in reading your dialogue. It is a delicate balance between making the player fly too far to the next prompt and providing in depth story dialogue.

Castor: This is a good map design with some fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I note one item to consider changing:
-The "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect you used for this map. Same comment as above.

Bridge: This is a good map design with some tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Optional dialogue versus triggered dialogue. Using triggered dialogue instead of optional dialogue allows the author to make the dialogue to go away after the player interacts with it.
-The Flight Deck officer is typing in the air. Consider moving him to the right or left so he is centered on a console.
-Consider moving the respawn point for the flight deck into the control vice the passageway.
-If you are going to have the player go from one side of the map to the other and back again consider adding something in the middle to drive that move. Running from one side of the map to the other and back again can be annoying.
-You have some crew lying on the deck that are convulsing. You should have triggered dialogue that when the player comes near them they can examine and offer help to the crewman lying there.

Castor Exit: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving either the big asteroid in the way of the player or move the spawn point so the asteroid is not blocking the path to the warp out point.
-Consider moving the warp out point closer so the player is not flying half way across the map for a simple map transfer point. That can be annoying.

Rho-1 Cancri: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Weather Starstreaks North South 01" effect has issues since it was created. The effect only seems to work if the player is traveling at full impulse. Consider using the "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect and reorienting the map so the player is coming from the east.

Bridge - USS Draig Goch Cymru: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Optional dialogue versus triggered dialogue. Same comment as above.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.