The old saying goes it's not paranoia if they really are out to get you. Well I have a couple new conspiracies I am letting you guys know about.
New Conspiracy 1: Ants and Bees have signed a treaty of alliance against me. Swarms of red ants have appeared in my kitchen necessitating the usage of large amounts of ant-killer traps and sprays to be deployed. This is coupled with a marked uptick in the bee populations. I think there is a nest of some sorts by a tool shed in my backyard that houses a lawnmower left by the people my roommate and I are renting the house from. They are ganging up on me!
New Conspiracy 2: Vampires work at my doctor's office. Today I had some blood work done my allergist suggested my sun, pollen, and cat allergies could be a vitamin deficiency. So they did a blood test. Now I am not a big person, only five foot, two inches, and these guys took like a pint of blood out for a test. How much do they need? Are they drinking the rest? Anyway that made me quite dizzy. I think I am going to take a nap now.
I always thought you were a Vampire, Ravenstein. I mean, first, look at your pale skin, and your sun allergy. Remember, Bram Stoker's Dracula could walk around in the sun, but had to be covered up. He was only weakened in daylight, but it would never give him more than an irritation, and definately not kill him. Then look at your name. Ravenstein. That just oozes of gothic horror goodness. Like...Frankenstein.
Possibly the other thing that makes me think you are a vampire is your allergy to cats. Cats are well known for sensing things like the undead and such, when they are actually not sleeping or licking their butts. So, while cats would have an adverse reaction to your undead state, your undead state has a reaction (allergy) to cats. So, it is like a double alarm, one for you, one for them, and if people know what to look for, they can pick this up and immediately know that something is quite not right about you.
So, my consipiracy theory is that you are indeed a vampire, and the people at the lab wanted your blood to drink to hopefully make them a vampire. Unfortunately, they aren't really up with vampire lore, and don't really know how the whole 'make you a vampire' thing works. But do give them credit for trying.
Also, your grandpa is a male witch. That whole water thing.