The details of your story sound oddly like 90% of other Foundry Missions. Take a look at their details and you'll see that. The whole 'random mission turns into anything but', but your title does sound interesting.
I would put a put more of a catch to your details, even without giving away too much of the plot.
If I get a chance sometime today though, I'll give it a run-thru. Maybe when the server is back up.
The best way to get people to try out your missions though is to play one of theirs as well- like a mission exchange. Or just do a trailer!