Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 1 First Foray into the Foundry
11-29-2011, 02:43 PM
I've published my first Foundry mission and have yet to receive any reviews on it, so I thought I'd post the info here. It is really basic as it is my first attempt at a mission.

Project ID: ST-HPCNUKPT7
Project Name: Flotter and the Tree Monster
Starfleet
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
11-29-2011, 04:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maziken
I've published my first Foundry mission and have yet to receive any reviews on it, so I thought I'd post the info here. It is really basic as it is my first attempt at a mission.

Project ID: ST-HPCNUKPT7
Project Name: Flotter and the Tree Monster
Starfleet
I'm setting up to take a look right now. I'll file my report when I'm done.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maziken
I've published my first Foundry mission and have yet to receive any reviews on it, so I thought I'd post the info here. It is really basic as it is my first attempt at a mission.

Project ID: ST-HPCNUKPT7
Project Name: Flotter and the Tree Monster
Starfleet
Federation Mission - Flotter and the Tree Monster
Author: Maziken
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPCNUKPT7

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission. The dialog is really well written. Your map design is also good. The battles are well done. I would recommend this mission to others but you still need to polish it up a bit. Be careful of the spawn point location. All the bridge spawn points seemed really close to the wall which caused the away team to run out into the middle of the bridge.

On the "Forest" map definitely make the "Flotter" character stop running around. It was really annoying trying to read the dialog only to have him move off and the dialog window close. I had to review the dialog for errors through the communications log. I imagine other players will not be that patient. If you need him doing something that makes him look upset choose an animation that leaves him in one spot.

You will notice I indicated the use of "Continue" as a response button. If you look at any of my other reports youíll see this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. I just think it is better to have the player respond in some way to the dialog being displayed. This is particularly true when it comes to a report from the bridge officers and away team members.

The "UGC Contact" notes below. This happens if you donít fill in the "Contact" field for the NPC character on the Map they are on. Even if you fill in the "Name" field the NPC will show up on the map as "UGC Contact" if that "Contact" field is not filled in. Donít worry, that is an easy thing to miss but just as easy to fix.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: Consider giving a little more detailed information here. Your purpose with this description is to draw the player in and make them want to click the "Hail" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a nicely written dialog. Consider adding a little more to make the player want to click the "Accept" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: This is a good simple mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding the sector block to the task. Even though most players know exactly where Risa is it never hurts to add just a little more information.

Mission Entry Prompt: Consider moving this detailed dialog to the Bridge map. This dialog could be as simple as "Captains on the Bridge" or something along those lines. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Bridge: This is a good simple map design. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider moving the "Mission Entry Prompt" dialog to this map. You could have the player interact with the "Ships Medical Officer" who uses the dialog from the prompt here. Otherwise this map really serves no purpose to the mission.

Deck 2: This is a nice simple map design. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider having some of the crew working on consoles or something along those lines.
-Consider adding some dialog with any of the crew on this deck. You could have the player interact with someone working who talks about getting to "go down to Risa after their shift" or something along those lines. Otherwise this map serves no real purpose for the mission.

Forest: This is a interesting map design. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Remove the movement animation from Flotter. It is annoying when you try to talk to him and he runs off which closes the dialog window and you have to start all over again.
-When you "Return to Flotter" the other NPC there is labeled "UGC Contact".
-The "Return to Flotter" dialog; I think you have the NPCís mixed up. The new "UGC Contact" dialog is written as if he is "Flotter" but it is not the character I spoke to when I first entered the "Forest".
-The "Defuse the situation" dialog is also with the same "UGC Contact" as the "Return to Flotter" dialog.
-The second part of the dialog box in response to "Flotter claims you are" has the "Flotter" character responding.
-For the map transfer dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Energize".

Bridge#2: This map design is good. The dialog is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Initial dialog; consider changing the "bridge officer" telling the Captain to "operate the Comm Console yourself". Consider changing this to a trigger point located at the Conn. make it small enough that you have to move to the Conn to trigger it.
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to an appropriate response to the bridge officer report.
-The post Klingon dialog with the ships Science Officer; consider changing the response button "Continue" to an appropriate response to the bridge officer report.

Risa: The map design is good and the battle was okay. The dialog was very good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Risa Ground: This is a good map design with some good battles. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Klingon Captain is labeled "UGC Contact".
-The Federation Vacationer is labeled "UGC Contact".

Bridge#3: This is a nice simple map. The dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Initial dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Onscreen" or something along those lines.

---------End Report----------

Thanks for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is a good mission even though it needs a little polish. You already have me interested in seeing what the next mission brings.
Brian

This critique report also filed 11/29/2011 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
11-30-2011, 04:36 AM
Thanks for the review! Thanks for letting me know about the "UGC Contact" thing. I honestly thought that was just how it worked in the Foundry similar to how the NPCs won't actually do their Wander until the mission is published.

I will definitely stop Flotter from wandering so much and I'll clean up the confusion when you talk to both he and the Tree Monster.

I did want to make a small mention as to why I put both the first Bridge scene and the Deck 2 scene in there. I wanted to create more a Trek feel in terms of actually being the Captain of a ship. It always irked me that you would just approach a planet and then what? Beam down directly from the bridge? I just thought these two maps would give the mission a little more of a TV episode feel to them. I will definitely add a bit more "life" to those two maps, though.

Thank you again for your review, it is greatly appreciated!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
11-30-2011, 04:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maziken
Thanks for the review! Thanks for letting me know about the "UGC Contact" thing. I honestly thought that was just how it worked in the Foundry similar to how the NPCs won't actually do their Wander until the mission is published.

I will definitely stop Flotter from wandering so much and I'll clean up the confusion when you talk to both he and the Tree Monster.

I did want to make a small mention as to why I put both the first Bridge scene and the Deck 2 scene in there. I wanted to create more a Trek feel in terms of actually being the Captain of a ship. It always irked me that you would just approach a planet and then what? Beam down directly from the bridge? I just thought these two maps would give the mission a little more of a TV episode feel to them. I will definitely add a bit more "life" to those two maps, though.

Thank you again for your review, it is greatly appreciated!
Glad I could help.

The maps are a nice touch, but if the player doesn't do anything except go the next map they may get a little annoyed. That is why I suggested adding even a little more interaction on those two maps. Otherwise very nicely done.

Thanks again for authoring
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
11-30-2011, 04:04 PM
I am re-publishing as I write this. I made the changes that you suggested and fixed some of the other things. Thanks again for your review!
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