Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 1 Gorn, But Not Forgotten
02-17-2012, 04:21 AM
Title: Gorn, But Not Forgotten
Author: Maziken
Faction: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HNEWXPPBR

The conclusion of the series that involves "Here Today, Gorn Tomorrow" and "The Hegemony Strikes Back" finds you traveling to a Ferengi-owned station to warn them of an impending Federation attack. Can you warn them in time?

=================================

I would like some feedback regarding the first puzzle on the station. It is easy for me to know how to figure out since I created it, but I'm always worried that it may be too difficult to figure out for others.

Not a whole lot of space combat in this mission either, I just couldn't figure out how to work more in without it seeming forced.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maziken
Title: Gorn, But Not Forgotten
Author: Maziken
Faction: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HNEWXPPBR

The conclusion of the series that involves "Here Today, Gorn Tomorrow" and "The Hegemony Strikes Back" finds you traveling to a Ferengi-owned station to warn them of an impending Federation attack. Can you warn them in time?

=================================

I would like some feedback regarding the first puzzle on the station. It is easy for me to know how to figure out since I created it, but I'm always worried that it may be too difficult to figure out for others.

Thanks in advance!
Klingon Mission - Gorn, But Not Forgotten
Author: Maziken
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HNEWXPPBR

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good sequel mission to the previous ones in the series with some glorious battles on some of the later maps. Your map design is well done but some of the story dialog on the second map needs a little more Klingon feeling to them. I didnít find very many spelling errors in the mission. I would recommend this mission to other players if they like a good story with some good map design and some glorious battles in later maps. Itís definitely worth the play but needs some adjustments.

I mention moving Councilman S'kopa and Instructor Trosk dialog to the Grant Mission dialog. It seemed a little unnecessary to go to the council chamber to then be told to go to the academy to then be told to go to the Ganalda System. Yes I wrote that last sentence to make my point. The dialog with each of the NPCís was well written and worked for the story. It was more the go to all the different locations to finally be told to go to the system where the story really starts. It just seemed unnecessary.

There are a few points regarding the NPC interaction and puzzles. I mention on the wandering of Kon while trying to interact with him. As soon as I would get into the dialog heíd walk away and Iíd have to start over. The NPC should be in one place and remain there. Ignoring my recommendation regarding the party planning and attending for a moment, the puzzle of who goes to what table was more annoying than challenging. I think it was well written for each point in the puzzle but it seemed a bit much. If you decide to keep this you should put a "Skip Puzzle" or something along those lines for the player that just wants to get on with the story.

The placement of spawn and re-spawn points is an important element of map design. It should be done to enhance the playerís experience. A re-spawn point placed correctly means the player doesnít have to run all the way across a map to get back into the fight. Most players donít mind tough battles as long as they donít have to waste time fighting, get killed, re-spawn, and run all the way back to find they have fight a full strength enemy. The spawn point is also just as important. The majority of players donít mind overwhelming odds as long as they have a chance to choose the direction of the fight. Placing more than one engagement group right on top of the player spawn point is not glorious. Iím sure there are fighters that consider that a challenge but many will find it annoying. My point is spread the initial engagements out a little more on the last map.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a simple description. Consider adding a little more story to it. Make it seem more personal to the player and less about your previous missions. You want to draw them in and make them click the "Hail" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a good story oriented dialog. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "is eager to get ahold of that" to read "is eager to get a hold of that".

Mission Task: This is a good task regarding the locations of the interact NPC. I noted no spelling errors with this task. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The exchange with Councilman S'kopa seems unnecessary. Consider changing it to the Grant Mission dialog directing the player to "Speak with Instructor Trosk at Klingon Academy".
-The exchange with Instructor Trosk seems unnecessary. Consider changing it to the Grant Mission dialog directing the player to "Ganalda System and warn the Ferengi".
-Consider adding the location of the first custom map the "Ganalda System" with the sector block to the task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-There are a lot of "Approach the Ferengi Station" in the prompt. Consider removing the [MissionInfo] dialog as the player is going to "Approach the Ferengi Station" when they click the response button labeled "Approach Ferengi Station". So which station was I supposed to approach?

MAPS:
Ferengi Station Space: This is a map design is well done but doesn't seem to be necessary in the telling of the story. There is a short flight followed by the Engineering BOFF telling me "We are ready to transport over". Consider changing the "Entry Prompt" to "We've reached the station [Rank], and are ready to transport you over" or something along those lines. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Ferengi Station: The map design is really well done. The story dialog is well written but not very Klingon. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider taking "Kon" off wandering. I start to talk to him and he walks away which closes the conversation and it has to start over. That is very annoying.
-Plot point. If the player is here to warn of the attack, why would waste time helping plan or attend the party? At this point in the story I wanted to beam up and attack the station. No matter helpful a Ferengi has been a Klingon would not put up with this type of treatment.

Ferengi Station Under Siege: This is a good map design and the battles are great. The story dialog is well written. The elements of this map should be combined with the "Ferengi Station" map. As long as the "Plot point" I mentioned above is taken into account.

Ferengi Station Space Under Siege: This is a good map design with a well balanced battle. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The station vanishes without any explosions. I know there were some explosions that were broken but I thought they had fixed that. Perhaps theyíve been broken again by a patch. It could also be the distance from the station at the time of the blast but I was at the dialog trigger you set. Either way you should take a look at it.

Deep Space: This is a good map design with a good battle. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the warp streak effect to the "Weather Starstreaks WestEast 01" effect. It would mean the map would have to change orientation to east to west but I've found that effect looks the best for warp simulation.
-The asteroid field is visible from the beginning of the map. Is that intentional? It would seem to make more sense to have it appear as we drop from warp when attacked.

Asteroid Mine: The map design is okay. The battles are glorious. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding re-spawn points deeper in the map.
-I see the connection to the "Ferengi Station" map interaction with Kon however I still stand by my plot point comments for that map.

Deep Space - Romulan Ambush: This is a good map design and the battles are tough but not impossible. The story dialog is well written. . I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving the enemy back far enough to allow the player to choose the fight. Having multiple enemy engagements right on top of the player is not "glorious".
-The dialog; "We are not without dishonor" is that what you meant? Or did you mean "We are not without honor"? Also you mention the rescue of the Gorn but there was no dialog on the previous map or this one indicating the rescue of them other than this reference.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is a good sequel to the previous missions in the series.
Brian

This critique report also filed 02/19/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
02-19-2012, 02:30 PM
I appreciate your review. I do agree with a few of your suggestions, but the overall majority of them are things that I wanted to actually have in the mission. I'm planning on taking either the S'Kopa or the Trosk dialogue out, but I definitely want the player to return to Qo'noS.

Also, as far as dialog goes, I'm writing less Klingon-like because I realize that the typical Klingon responses make absolutely no sense if the player is a different race; so I'm trying to develop more general responses that will fit all of the races rather than selecting a single race. Another option is for me to go back and place multiple responses on each dialog, but that would just confuse people, I think.

I also forgot that I had Kon on wander as I was testing that out before I republished last. I must have forgotten to take him off wander.

Thank you for your review!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
02-19-2012, 03:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maziken
I appreciate your review. I do agree with a few of your suggestions, but the overall majority of them are things that I wanted to actually have in the mission. I'm planning on taking either the S'Kopa or the Trosk dialogue out, but I definitely want the player to return to Qo'noS.
The general point of that comment was to pick one or the other. I would suggest having the S'Kopa dialog as part of the initial Grant Mission dialog. Then have the player meet with Trosk at the academy to decrypt the PADD. The point was having the player go both places was a little too much, in my opinion.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maziken
Also, as far as dialog goes, I'm writing less Klingon-like because I realize that the typical Klingon responses make absolutely no sense if the player is a different race; so I'm trying to develop more general responses that will fit all of the races rather than selecting a single race. Another option is for me to go back and place multiple responses on each dialog, but that would just confuse people, I think.
The Klingon like dialog was meant to refer to the general feel of a warrior race. Any of the races that are associated with the Klingons, Gorn, Nausicaan, or others, would not have put up with a Ferengi ordering them around when they had come to warn of a Federation attack. Thatís why I stated that I wanted to beam up and attack the station myself. I understand the story point you were trying to make with it but it still just didnít feel right. My suggestion is to find some other way to tell that part of the story. Perhaps have the player warn the Ferengi and then become curious when the Ferengi disregards it. The player would then research the party or something along those lines.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maziken
I also forgot that I had Kon on wander as I was testing that out before I republished last. I must have forgotten to take him off wander.
I figured it wasnít meant to be that way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maziken
Thank you for your review!
Glad I could help. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
02-19-2012, 04:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th


The Klingon like dialog was meant to refer to the general feel of a warrior race. Any of the races that are associated with the Klingons, Gorn, Nausicaan, or others, would not have put up with a Ferengi ordering them around when they had come to warn of a Federation attack. Thatís why I stated that I wanted to beam up and attack the station myself. I understand the story point you were trying to make with it but it still just didnít feel right. My suggestion is to find some other way to tell that part of the story. Perhaps have the player warn the Ferengi and then become curious when the Ferengi disregards it. The player would then research the party or something along those lines.
Well, I would think that any of the races would not want to dishonor the High Council by killing the person they are supposed to go warn. Gotta keep in mind that Klingons are a very honorable people and I wouldn't think they would disobey their orders.

If the player is an Orion, for example, I wouldn't think they would be so eager to kill the Ferengi but rather work out a smuggling business deal with him.

I also added in the part to the dialog about the party guests being upset that their host was killed. Granted, I would love to have a dynamic programmable Foundry where one can choose to kill Kon and then get onslaughted by the party guests.

But I felt it was the best way to tell the story that I wanted to tell and I still think it is justified in the dialog.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
02-19-2012, 04:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maziken
Well, I would think that any of the races would not want to dishonor the High Council by killing the person they are supposed to go warn. Gotta keep in mind that Klingons are a very honorable people and I wouldn't think they would disobey their orders.

If the player is an Orion, for example, I wouldn't think they would be so eager to kill the Ferengi but rather work out a smuggling business deal with him.

I also added in the part to the dialog about the party guests being upset that their host was killed. Granted, I would love to have a dynamic programmable Foundry where one can choose to kill Kon and then get onslaughted by the party guests.

But I felt it was the best way to tell the story that I wanted to tell and I still think it is justified in the dialog.
Well as every report I've written says, "they are recommendations" so they are yours to do with as you please.

Thanks for authoring
Brian
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