Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 1 Distinction Fan Fic
05-13-2012, 06:21 PM
I've been working on this for a little while, its based off of my main char, im currently writing the middle of chapter two so i figured id post this to see how well its liked. its a bit long, but i think its a good start on a 5-6 chapter fanfic.

Distinction

Chapter One


“Ensign, we have a message for you from one of the ships in orbit” says the Attendant.

Hello Ensign, the academy commandant gives his highest praise to you, apparently you are one of the best students, along with a blessing from Starfleet Command, and I’m promoting you to Lieutenant, and offering you a position aboard my ship, the U.S.S. Avalon. We are leaving in 5 days, should you accept then you transport to my ship and report to your position. I suggest you speak with Admiral Quinn if you are unsure. – Captain Taggert.

“Congrats Lieutenant, you should go talk with the Admiral” says the Attendant.

“Admiral, I was wondering if I could speak with you?” asked Kira. “Of course Lieutenant, come in, what can I do for you?” replied Admiral Quinn. “I was wondering if I should accept Capt. Taggert's offer, but I’m unsure if I am ready to be on a starship yet.” said Kira. “If you aren’t ready, then Taggert wouldn’t have even offered this to you, but your deadline has dropped, we received a distress signal from the Vega Colony, and the Avalon is one of several ships I’m sending to Vega.” says the Admiral. “Would it be alright if I stay behind for this, I need to think on this.” says Kira. “Sure, just remember, the deadline Taggert gave you will still stand will the Avalon returns.” replies Admiral Quinn. “Yes, sir” says Kira, as she salutes the Admiral. After leaving the admirals office Kira heads for her temporary quarters on the lower level of the station. After entering her room she walks to the replicator on the wall, “Deka Tea” says Kira into the replicator, hoping Starfleet has finally got Deka Tea right for once. After one drink she puts the cup back into the replicator. “Yuck.... when will Starfleet get Bajoran tea right…” says Kira to herself. “Computer, what is status of the Avalon?” she asks the computer. “U.S.S. Avalon, U.S.S. Khitomer, U.S.S. Kelvin, U.S.S. Montreal, U.S.S. Bohr and U.S.S. Seacole are leaving spacedock currently en route to Vega Colony to respond to distress signal.” says the computer.

After the task force departs, she decides to go to bed. As she falls asleep, she can’t help to think what is happening at Vega, and what the task force is heading into. No, no, no, no, I don’t want to be assimilated, leave me alone you monsters, Help, someone help me!!!! NO!!!! I don’t want to join the collective leave me alone!!!! Shaken she awakes from her nightmare… “Oh god…. it was just a nightmare” she told herself. After getting some water to calm herself, she heads back to bed. In the morning she is asked to join Admiral Quinn in the lower section of his office.
“You asked to see me Admiral.” says Kira as she salutes. “Yes we got in reports of what happened this morning, the Borg attacked Vega Colony, and most of the ships were lost, it appears when the Borg boarded the Avalon, they didn’t take prisoners to assimilate they just killed anything in their way, one of the ensigns on the bridge took command and brought what was left of the Avalon back here, the Seacole also made it through, but the rest of the ships, including the flagship of the task force the Khitomer, took heavy losses, the Khitomer was evacuated on its return. We intend to decommission the Avalon, but we have a ship sitting in drydock that’s been there for at least a year, its repairs are finished and we have moved all the crewmen of the Avalon to the Avenger, and I am placing it in your command, seeing as the acting captain was an ensign and you’re a lieutenant. However Mirra will act as your first officer until you can appoint one.” says Admiral Quinn. “Is this a prank on me Admiral” says Kira in disbelief. “Unfortunately, no this isn’t a prank; you are the acting captain of the U.S.S. Avenger as of now. Your dismissed Lieutenant, you have a ship to get to, and a ship that needs its captain.” replies Admiral Quinn. “Yes sir” says Kira as she salutes.

Kira walks out of the office heading for the transporter room, “Chief, I need transport to the Avenger” says Kira. “Yes ma’am, step on pad two and ill send you the ship,” replied the Chief. As she walks to the pad she taps her combadge and hears it chirp, “Avenger, this is Lieutenant Kira, I am preparing to transport aboard.” “Aye Captain, were ready for you on the bridge.” replies one of the crewmen. “Chief, energize” she instructs the chief. After rematerializing her transporter chief says “Welcome aboard the Avenger, Captain. Mirra is waiting for you in your ready room attached to the bridge.” “Alright, thank you for the info, chief.” replies Kira. As she leaves the transporter room to try and get to the bridge, she realizes, she has no clue where the turbo lift is. She taps her combadge and after the chirp she says, “Chief, would you mind showing me to the turbolift, I am a bit lost.” “Sure, just a second and I’ll come get you and take you to the lift.” replied the Chief. After the Chief caught up with her, she found the turbolift, and made her way to the bridge.

“Captain on deck!” shouts one of the bridge officers. “As you were everyone.” says Kira. Maneuvering around the bridge to get to the ready room, she spots the captains chair that sits in the center of the bridge, felling compelled, she pauses to sit down for a moment. After sitting in the chair for a minute, she stands up and continues to her ready room. “Ensign Mirra, report” says Kira. “Yes ma’am, as you’ve been informed I was in command what was left of the Avalon, the Borg kicked our asses back there. They seemed to be deliberately killing everyone they came across. We had to seal off the bridge, and after evacuating all other decks, we vented them to get rid of the Borg. Then secured the decks and allowed the crew to get back to their posts as we went to warp, along with the Seacole and the Khitomer.” says Mirra. “It was one hell of an ordeal, and I doubt I’ll be able to understand completely since I wasn’t there, but I expect you and the rest of the survivors to prevent this from inferring with your jobs here on the Avenger. Also, what will be this ships designation number one?” says Kira. “NX- 91009 ma’am.” replies Mirra. “Alright then, report to your station, and have the ship taken to tactical alert and prepare to leave drydock.” says Kira. “Yes ma’am.” says Mirra as she salutes. Following Mirra out of the ready room Kira takes her seat. “Tactical Alert, All hands standby to leave drydock.” says Mirra. “Helm, cut us loose, thrusters 25% forward.” says Kira. “Captain, Admiral Quinn is hailing us” says Rivis. “Onscreen.” replies Kira. “Ah, captain, I see you are ready to depart. Spacedock has cleared you to go to warp. I am assigning your ship to exploration of star clusters near our member systems, and patrol of our member systems. Good luck captain” says Admiral Quinn.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
05-13-2012, 06:41 PM
I like it. The writing itself is nice. But I don't get who the Lieutenant is. I like that you used your character as the protagonist, and that you added some backstory to your character.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
05-13-2012, 06:47 PM
Oh. Now I do. Maybe you should have the Bridge Crew say, "Lieutenant on deck!" instead of "Commander on deck!" which is confusing as to Kira's rank.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
05-13-2012, 06:50 PM
perhaps i should change it to Captain, i went with Commander, as in commanding officer, but i can see how that would be confusing.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
05-13-2012, 06:55 PM
Yeah, Captain would work. Remember that Episode in DS9 where O'Brien told Nog that regardless of rank, the acting commander was always known as "Captain?" Then Nog asked if he would be referred to as Captain if he took command, and O'Brien replied there wouldn't be a lot of people left to call him "Captain" if he took command. *chuckles* I believe it was in season six, in the "Sacrifice of Angels" arc.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
05-13-2012, 06:59 PM
yea, ive seen all the DS9s its my favorite series. but yea im correcting it in my copy in microsoft word atm, and ill edit the post after.

edit: both changes done.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 7
05-13-2012, 07:01 PM
There's definite potential in your story you're off to a good start, though this may be a little nitpicky but I got a bit confused with the dialogue. I'm used to new speaker new paragraph. Interesting choice to do it in the present tense, doesn't that get confusing?
May as well share my own, only done the prologue so far.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 8
05-13-2012, 07:07 PM
Wow, that's a good story. The writing feels trek.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 9
05-13-2012, 07:12 PM
i guess it can be, but present tense seems easiest to me when i write, rather than what happened its what is happening. and that seems easier to write about to me.


and yea, wow.
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