Empire Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,202
Min level : 16.
Estimated length : 45-60 minutes.
Gameplay : Action, adventure, RP, dialogs.

Short summary : The KDF command has choosen you for a diplomatic mission - but not in the way Starfleet defines diplomacy. You are ordrered to go to Seedea III, to conquer a new colony for the glory of the Empire. Kick Starfleet out of your legitimate space!
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0 View Post
I guess I should ask for a review of my new misson as soon as possible.

Mission Name: The heart of your enemy
Author: diogene0
Minimum Level: +16
Allegiance: KDF
Estimated Mission Length: Up to 60 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post.

I've polished it a lot more, so you should'nt have to report about so many small typo/caps/mistakes issues, hopefully. If you see a typo or caps issue, though, just tell me "one/several/many typo or caps to check on map N". It will save you time.

I also hope the story and maps are even better now, I've completely changed the way I create missions. You'll tell me.

Thanks for your help!
Klingon Mission - The heart of your enemy
Author: diogene0
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HFDC324BE

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a very long but fun combat oriented mission. There are great maps, glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to other players seeking long and glorious battles. There is just enough story dialogue to explain what is going on to keep the mission moving forward.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the time spent discussing about useless stuff" to read "the time spent discussing useless stuff".
-Consider changing "You will have to prompt this peoeple" to read "You will have to prompt these people".

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Deep into unknown space: This is a good map design with several glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Bridge of the heavy civilian transport: This is a good map design with some glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Enjoy your new living toy" dialogue; consider changing the response button "You want to leave" to read "You want to live". This would match the dialogue.

Ten minutes later: This is a nice map design with well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Deep into the transport ship: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Collect the heart" dialogue; consider changing "It's time to test the romulan equipment" to read "It's time to test the Romulan equipment".

Seedea III Orbit: This is a good map design with several glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Eliminate hostile ships" dialogue; consider changing "when we get back to Q'onos" to read "when we get back to Qo'noS".

Seedea III shipyard: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post "Find the source" dialogue; consider changing "They behave like romulans" to read "They behave like Romulans".
-Consider changing the response button "Scientits make me sick with their data" to read "Scientist make me sick with their data".
-The post "Overload the generator" dialogue; consider changing "One of the prototype just vanished" to read "One of the prototypes just vanished"
-Consider changing the mission task "Rescue the missing prototype" to read "Retrieve the mission prototype".
-The post "Rescue the missing prototype" dialogue; consider changing "Obiously they?re having trouble" to read "Obviously they?re having trouble".

Seedea III: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "We'll see that" to read "We'll see about that".
-The post "Defend your honour" dialogue; consider changing "but i'll do it my way" to read "but I?ll do it my way".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Deactivate the romulan transporter inhibitor[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Deactivate the Romulan transporter inhibitor[/MissionInfo]".

Seedea III Orbit #2: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Eliminate the romulan reinforcement[/MissionInfo]" to read MissionInfo]Eliminate the Romulan reinforcement[/MissionInfo]".

Holodeck of the main city of Seedea III: This is a good map design with a glorious battle of demons and well written story dialogue. It is a good wrap up to the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Get rid of the daemons to clear the way for your brothers[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Get rid of the demons to clear the way for your brothers[/MissionInfo]".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this combat oriented mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 08/05/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
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