Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 126
# 1 Dark Alliance Series
12-18-2012, 04:04 AM
This is the first of at least four adventures I plan on writing for this series. This is also my very first foundry project.

Mission Name: Dark Alliance Part 1

Faction: Federation

Summary: During a rescue operation of the U.S.S. Bastion, the pursuit of an unknown enemy toward earth leads your crew to discover a conspiracy that could unravel the basis of time itself. This is the beginning of a chain of events that could forever change the course of things to come.

Required Level: 16+

Length: Approximately 1-2 hours

I'm very new to all this, so if there is something you'd like to see or find missing, please provide me with some constructive remarks. My in-game handle is @Skydawn. Thanks.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 126
# 2
12-18-2012, 07:27 PM
I must repeat, by the way, that this is my first time using the foundry. My thanks for anyone who takes the time to play and review it.

However, if you're going to rate it at one star, please have the courtesy to explain what you disliked so much about it, so that I can fix it... hence, the point of being a reviewer. My entire goal is to improve. I welcome all opinions.

Thank you.

Last edited by skydawnknight; 12-19-2012 at 04:51 AM.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 67
# 3
12-19-2012, 05:58 AM
gave it 5 stars (I think ) anyway when you're talking to the admiral at the start you may want to change trainee to cadet. And perhaps top the aliens when you first met them being able to give them some sort of warning to withdraw from Federation space or you will be fired upon or something like that, just some suggestions but overall really enjoyed it,great job.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 126
# 4
12-23-2012, 03:52 AM
Thanks! I appreciate the input. I'll work in the suggestion about the first enemy encounter. It sounds more Starfleet reg for sure. The mission is part of the Foundry Challenge right now, so I don't know if I can make any publishing changes yet.

I also need to add some dialogue or something to it. For whatever reason, I have at least 5 maps and I thought somewhere close to an hour of play at least, but it doesn't qualify for the Officer Reports daily. I don't know if that's a game bug or not. I felt it was just long enough to not become annoying.
Ensign
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1
# 5
01-04-2013, 08:33 AM
hello
would like to play your mission but don't know where it starts. the initial instruction says something about talk to admiral... in earth starbase? had a look around that area for the mission trigger but can't find it! might want to clarify start point in mission description
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 126
# 6
01-04-2013, 10:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by nawtyd View Post
hello
would like to play your mission but don't know where it starts. the initial instruction says something about talk to admiral... in earth starbase? had a look around that area for the mission trigger but can't find it! might want to clarify start point in mission description
Take the turbolift in Space Dock. It's the one right in front of the Admiral's office and across from the fountain (where Q is right now). It's in the mission text when you first get the mission, but it seems to get overlooked, especially if you don't read it right away. I do the same thing sometimes. I will put it in the actual mission description so as to clarify the starting point.

Thanks!


by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
Ensign
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1
# 7
06-01-2013, 09:21 AM
I've played many Foundry games and was looking forward to "Dark Alliance" but have run into an issue right off the start -- after defeating the fighters at Garion Station the location of the enemy cruiser (based on other reviews) is off-map and I cannot get past map barrier (the old "There is nothing on the sensors, Captain. Would you like a new course - WARP or Dismiss"). And that's as far as I can get... tried several times... didn't notice anyone else reporting this but am disappointed.
Ensign
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 3
# 8
06-01-2013, 08:11 PM
Glad to see this is not just me. Same issue, with the ship to be intercepted being off map.

Wonder if something changed recently for the foundry... I've been trying various missions only to find many have objectives with markers for them displaced from where the actual objective is. Extrememly irritating as I cannot complete nearly half the foundry quests I've tried. It's that or drive around the maps for hours hoping you get lucky.... Hoping the authors will go back in an fix the issue if possible.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by skydawnknight View Post
This is a multi-part series. Only two parts so far. I enjoy reading your reviews, so it would be great to get your input on either or both. Thank you!

1st Part:
Mission Name: Dark Alliance Part 1
Author: @Skydawn
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPVNOTTZY
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 min

This is my mission thread: Dark Alliance Series
Federation Mission - Dark Alliance Part 1
Author: Skydawn
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPVNOTTZY

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, tough, but, fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to other players although not on Elite level. It is a great beginning to the series.

I noted the use of the response button "Continue" quite a lot in the mission. Even though this is a personal preference I feel it is something for you to consider. The use of "Continue" can be appropriate in conjunction with some dialog but many others it seems awkward. The Captain should always respond to a report or other information given in the dialog. You can also use this as a stepping stone to the next dialog. Despite the fact the Foundry is limited in what you can do to have the player more active in conversations; the use of [OOC] dialogue within that conversation gives the author that tool. I have seen it used in other missions and have used it myself. I have used the following;
[OOC][Rank] LastName]:
Story dialogue here.[/OOC]
You can also have additional dialogue after the [OOC] if needed and finish the player response in the response button.

I have not mentioned this for a while but found it a couple of times on the "Earth Space Dock" map. The use of lower case spelling for ranks in the dialogue. As a retired U.S. Navy Chief and after 24 years of service I can say that by tradition if referring in generic terms to a rank the use of lower case letters is fine. For example "The rank of captain is one that every officer would like to achieve". When referring to a person of a specific rank you should capitalize the first letter. For example "I'm Alicia Gray, Captain of the U.S.S. Centurion" vice the way it shows up in the story. It is something to consider and other players might miss it completely.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This description tells the player nothing of the story. Consider adding a little of the story to draw the player in. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial task to help the player find the start position. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Admiral Fielding's Office: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will note the maps this appears on and discuss it in the summary above.

Garion Station Orbit: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider moving the trigger for the "Intercept the enemy ship" further out from the Main Enemy Battleship. The surprise you were aiming at failed to trigger properly. I was within 11km of that ship when you triggered the dialogue that leads to the Enemy Cruiser. Unfortunately I turned off the feature that stops the player when dialogue appears. So I was engaged with the Main Enemy Battleship before the second ship could be triggered by dialogue. I ended up defeating the two ships separately which made the dialogue that was triggered seem out of place.

Sol System: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Earth Space Dock: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will allow the dialogue to go away once the player interacts with it. It can also be set to go away once a particular task is completed.
-Consider changing rank references to capitalize the first letter of the full rank when referring to a specific person in that rank. I will cover this in more detail in the summary.
-Several of the doors you placed to cover an entry way are not lined up with the entry way. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor. It is located in the upper right hand corner of the map editor.

Earth Space Dock Sub Deck 1385: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue.
-Consider changing rank references to capitalize the first letter of the full rank when referring to a specific person in that rank.
-The "Activate the power hubs" consoles appear to be lower than other consoles, which makes it look odd when the player interacts with it. Consider raising the consoles. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor
-The post "Activate the central computer" dialogue; consider changing "In their name, I, Lord Magdagon, I will destroy you" to read "In their name, I, Lord Magdagon, will destroy you".

Sol System - Earth Orbit: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. It is a good wrap up to this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the development of this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future and the next mission in this series.
Brian

This critique report also filed 03/05/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Ensign
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1
# 10
03-18-2013, 12:59 AM
I really liked part one and two.When is part three going to be ready? Cant leave me hanging now.
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