Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 231
I'm new to the Foundry and this is my first mission. I'm looking for helpful and constructive reviews (I still need my 5) to try and make the experience better. My first experience in the world of Star Trek was watching the original series with my dad, so I wanted to make my first foundry mission an homage to the series that started it all.

Mission Name: Yet There Be Method In It
Author: pbau3993
Foundry Number: ST-HRKD9HYJ6
Faction: Fed
Level Requirement: 16+ (this may need to be tweaked; I don't have much experience placing level caps)
Time: 30-45 minutes if you read all the dialogue

History has been altered. Samantha Cogley is dead. Her death ripples out across the timeline. History now records Admiral Kirk as having died on a penal colony of old age.

Starfleet Intelligence believes the Klingons are involved. The Department of Temporal Investigations has asked you to investigate and if necessary to right the timeline.

Updated: 3/2/13 with some of my fleetmates' suggestions.
"That hurts worse than the uniform." - Dr. McCoy on the Vulcan salute
"On Vulcan, the teddy bears are alive. And they have six-inch fangs." - Spock on sehlats

Last edited by sarek93; 03-02-2013 at 08:25 PM. Reason: Updated Mission
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 231
# 2
03-02-2013, 01:41 PM
I still need a few more reviews to get the mission in the main feed. I'd like to get some more feedback anyway on things that could be changed or improved. Any help appreciated.
"That hurts worse than the uniform." - Dr. McCoy on the Vulcan salute
"On Vulcan, the teddy bears are alive. And they have six-inch fangs." - Spock on sehlats
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 231
# 3
03-06-2013, 11:48 PM
I need one more review to get this up in the main foundry list. I have recently updated the mission and will update again tomorrow after the new TOS materials are added to the foundry.
"That hurts worse than the uniform." - Dr. McCoy on the Vulcan salute
"On Vulcan, the teddy bears are alive. And they have six-inch fangs." - Spock on sehlats
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 231
# 4
04-05-2013, 02:51 PM
Hey everyone, I'm looking for reviews for my next foundry mission "The Mudd and The Rain." More info can be found on the thread for the mission here: The Mudd and The Rain.
"That hurts worse than the uniform." - Dr. McCoy on the Vulcan salute
"On Vulcan, the teddy bears are alive. And they have six-inch fangs." - Spock on sehlats
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarek93 View Post
Hi, I'm a newcomer to the foundry and I was wondering if you could take a look at my first mission (just finished it yesterday). You'll have to use the project ID because it is still in the "probationary" period (doesn't have 5 reviews yet). Details as follows:

Mission Name: Yet There Be Method In It
Author: pbau3993
Minimum level (this may need to be tweaked): 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HRKD9HYJ6
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 minutes

Notes:
I couldn't find anything TOS-style to block off corridors in a TOS map so it looks a little weird. Any ideas on that front would be appreciated.

Since this is my first foundry mission, I didn't have a good idea of how to set/pick minimum levels, so that may need to be tweaked as well.

This is a mission that will take you to 2271, right after the end of the Enterprise's historic five year mission.
Federation Mission - Yet There Be Method In It
Author: pbau3993
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HRKD9HYJ6

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with nice map designs, many very tough battles, and well written story dialogue. I enjoyed playing your mission and I would recommend this mission to all players, although not on Elite level. For a newcomer to the Foundry I would say you have a great start in mission development. There are several great tutorials regarding this and many other Foundry tutorials on Starbase UGC.

On several of your maps I mention the enemy battles need to be better balanced. What this means is while battling your way through a map can be fun it needs to have some balance to give the player a chance. The placement of all high level group's right on top of each other is way too much. Both space and interior battles where similarly out of balance with high level mobs that were also grouped together so the player is engaging several high level mobs all at once. As I mention in the map section below, it is hard enough on "Normal" and would most likely be impossible on "Elite" level.

This brings me to my next point regarding respawn points on the maps. On both space and interior maps I noted that there are no respawn points deeper into the map. If you are going to have such high level mobs, and even if they are balanced mobs, you need to add respawn points deeper into the maps. If you manage to fight all the way across a map and engage a high level mob, as you wear them down you get killed, respawn and have to move all the way across the map to find them back at full strength it can get tedious. This is what I mean by balancing battles and having respawn points deeper in the map.

One more thing to consider, I mention adding initial dialogue to a map from a BOFF. This means you should add initial dialogue that displays when the player enters a map. This is usually a report from your Science, Tactical, or Engineering BOFF detailing a scan of the system or map, or threat, or engineering difficulties, and so on. It can help set the mood for the map and the mission. It gives you the chance to expand on the story and give the player something more than switching from map to map without any clear story except from dialogue. Basically it is your chance to tell the story for that map and maybe set up additional points to be used in later maps.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
-Consider adding the Starfleet Liaison dialogue to the end of the grant dialogue. Meeting with the Liaison to be told to go to the entrance of Agent Marion's office seems unnecessary.
-The start location for the first custom map, Agent Marion's office, would be best described as the corridor across from the transporter room, right side door, or something along those lines.

Mission Task: Based on the above recommendation, consider changing the initial mission task to indicate the start location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Marion's Office: This is a nice map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial spawn point is too close to the entry door. Consider moving it out away from the wall.
-Consider changing "Good afternoon, [Rank] [NickName]" to read "Good afternoon, [Rank] [LastName]".
-Consider changing "I appreciate your concern, [NickName], but it is unneccessary" to read "I appreciate your concern, [Rank], but it is unnecessary".
-The closed door is not lined up with the regular map door. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor. It is located in the upper right hand corner of the map editor.

Bepii 113: This is a good map design with 4 very tough battles right on top of each other. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue from at least one of the BOFFs to indicate the course of action or if they detect enemy units inbound. I will discuss this in the summary.
-On the previous map the dialogue referred to the system as "Bepi 113", but here is is "Bepii 113". Consider making them match.
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map. I will cover this in my summary.
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced. It is difficult enough on "Normal" it would probably be impossible on "Elite". Having all high level enemy mobs right on top of each other makes it even worse. I will cover this in my summary.

Beta Triangulis 3: This is a good map design with 2 very tough battles right on top of each other. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue.
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map.
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced.

Alpha Ursae 2: This is a good map design with 2 very tough battles right on top of each other. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue.
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map.
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced.
-The post "Continue Searching" dialogue; consider changing "You're to late, Commander" to read "You're too late, Commander".

Klingon Intelligence Facility: This is a good map design with 4 very tough battles right on top of each other, followed by 2 very tough battles right on top of each other and one additional very tough group at the end. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map.
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced.
-Consider adding debris that appears as the cell is destroyed.

Alpha Ursae 2: This is a good map design with tough but fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue.

Altec Prime: This is a short and simple map design. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue.

Altecan High Court Building: This is a short and simple map design. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. To block the other areas that you want to hide from the player consider using something like a plain wall segment or a "Building block" with a plain gray feature. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider centering the spawn point on the transporter pad. The BOFFS and my character are clustered against one wall. . Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor. It is located in the upper right hand corner of the map editor.

Altecan High Court Building#2: This is a short and simple map design. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. To block the other areas that you want to hide from the player consider using something like a plain wall segment or a "Building block" with a plain gray feature. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Hi, [NickName]" to read "Hi, Commander".
-Sending the person who just rescued her to get her Earl Grey tea seems a bit demeaning for her to do. Consider coming up with another reason for the player to go to the room and speak with the other NPCs.

Bepii 113: This is a nice map design and a good wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 03/03/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
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