Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,063
# 111
07-02-2013, 02:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
@ wraithshadow13 - it's been too long since I read one of your entries. I am impressed.
I always appreciate the wonderful things people say here, especially given that so many of you all are way better at this than i am. It, as always is greatly appreciated, so thank you.
Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 375
# 112
07-02-2013, 03:39 AM
My only complaints are speaking from 1st person perspective and not enough action between dialogue sequences, but they at a start..
Lyndon Brewer: 20% chance to capture enemy ship for 60 seconds on successful use of boarding party.

cause sometimes its party time!
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 406
# 113
07-02-2013, 07:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wraithshadow13 View Post
I always appreciate the wonderful things people say here, especially given that so many of you all are way better at this than i am. It, as always is greatly appreciated, so thank you.
Don't knock yourself down. That's our job

Seriously, I don't think any author has the objectivity to rate their own work. We're too close/involved with it to see it from the outside. It's only when we see our work reflected back by others that we get an idea what it might actually be.

So, if people like your work, consider that you might be as good as anyone else scratching runes into the computer screen here.
"I am your leader, I am in command. The fate of all my followers lies in my hands. The burden of what is right or wrong, decisions have to be made. I have to take you all into this burning Gate." - Iron Savior, 'Never Say Die'.
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 406
# 114
07-02-2013, 08:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
For a while I was afraid that your story would be awkward like that DS9 episode where Worf and Jadzia go to Risa. I think your story was better.
Thanks! It's quite a compliment that you think my writing could match up to professional stuff. With luck, that will continue.

Apologies to everyone that I haven't gotten a chance to bring up reviews of my own for all the posts. Been a hectic week. Hope to get at least a little out soon, though I think I'll just be echoing others.
"I am your leader, I am in command. The fate of all my followers lies in my hands. The burden of what is right or wrong, decisions have to be made. I have to take you all into this burning Gate." - Iron Savior, 'Never Say Die'.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,086
# 115
07-02-2013, 10:48 AM
Quote:
That is actually very realistic, and I felt really brought real depth to the piece. I follow a page on Facebook devoted to the unknown/ignored history of Africa and its people, and the amount of hostility displayed toward any white posters is just like that, and they are distrusted, unwelcome and generally viewed with suspicion, not accepted as an interested student of their culture. So I can totally understand why Hillel was viewed thus and treated with such distain by the Bajora.
I'm not saying there shouldn't have been some racists in there--we did see some on the show.

That said, I guess I was of the mind that having had a foreign-born Emissary might've led to divided opinions rather than across-the-board disdain. Perhaps in a longer story we would've seen more evidence of that.
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM me for more. :-)


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Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,250
# 116
07-02-2013, 11:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
I'm not saying there shouldn't have been some racists in there--we did see some on the show.

That said, I guess I was of the mind that having had a foreign-born Emissary might've led to divided opinions rather than across-the-board disdain. Perhaps in a longer story we would've seen more evidence of that.
I think you give people too much credit The other thing to consider, is that this is about fifty years after the end of the occupation, Bajor wouldn't necessarily need Federation help, and some may have viewed Hillel's vague efforts as condescending. This really is the same kind of situation as mentioned on the facebook page, where it truly is essentially a 'closed group' which one is either born to or not, and any outside attempts to participate are simply viewed with hostility. While I think Hillel is genuinely sincere in his desire to assist the Bajora, he really is a very misguided and confused individual, and I think his desire to help is for self-gratification rather than pure altruism... As mentioned, a fantastic character I love to hate for all that complexity
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,203
# 117
07-02-2013, 11:20 AM
@jonsills - Having not played Romulan - is this basically what happens in-game? May I use the ship Nneirh for a future piece?

@maverickdude05 - I really liked how the counselor "got the job". The transition style was very smooth to read and I could tell from the first sentence how the style would be used. Well done!

@patchouli19 - I loved the title of your piece! The justification for war was well written. I really appreciate non-human PoV stories because I can't write them

@danqueller - Rycho is a PUNK! Man I hated this guy. I always thought the entire Ceti Alpha Five colony went down with the Reliant so this was interesting to see.

@superhombre777 - Poor Hillel! I think you really captured his plight and I was fully absorbed into the situation. The ending was a brilliant turnaround.

@ the rest - I left my printouts at home so I'll get to them over the next few days. Some entries are very long (and that's not bad!) but it'll take more time for me to add a comment about them ... aaaand shevet just posted so add another day
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,536
# 118
07-02-2013, 11:43 AM
@shevet - Well-written story. And while I suppose Starfleet would have preferred a diplomatic option at least being offered before the big battle, I can't blame the admiral for losing it there - I probably wouldn't have been able to maintain my composure, either, and I'm not even Andorian.

@cmdrscarlet - I glossed over parts of the tutorial; some weren't germane to the story I was telling, and others, like collecting scrap from the orbiting hulks to do some last-minute repairs on the ship, would have made an already-long tale excessive. Also, I was shoehorning in the additional backstory I had for Nniol, which of course doesn't come into play in-game. The response from the Elachi cruiser is, however, word-for-word from the game.

And the Nneirh is certainly up for grabs, although you might want to double-check the spelling at that Romulan website referenced in the "Romulan Gameplay" subforum. I'd envisioned her as a T'varo- or T'liss-class, as a nneirh is a venomous bird about the same size as a Terran hummingbird.
-------------------------------------------

When I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need. Not all this "who are you and how did you get into my house" nonsense.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 579
# 119
07-02-2013, 11:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
... aaaand shevet just posted so add another day
It is quite long, I'm afraid.... An idea I've had knocking around in my head for a while; Tylha goes back home for a visit. A chance for a quiet, reflective, introspective sort of story. Pastoral, almost.
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 406
# 120
07-02-2013, 11:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
@danqueller - Rycho is a PUNK! Man I hated this guy. I always thought the entire Ceti Alpha Five colony went down with the Reliant so this was interesting to see.
I was wondering if anyone would pick up on that . Rycho's past is something that might come up in future LCs, but suffice it to say his path and that of the rest of the colony on Ceti Alpha Five diverged in the period between when Kirk left them there and the devestation of the planet six months later. As for hating him....well, what can you say about someone Khan would have made one of his own?

Thanks for the review!
"I am your leader, I am in command. The fate of all my followers lies in my hands. The burden of what is right or wrong, decisions have to be made. I have to take you all into this burning Gate." - Iron Savior, 'Never Say Die'.
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