Rihannsu
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 766
# 121
07-02-2013, 01:18 PM
Well, first time posting to one of these, or posting in this thread, and I get the luck to go after Shevet, though all of you regulars would put my stuff to shame, but eh.

My entry, attempting a bit of humor about everyone's favorite Romulan Tovan, as well as introducing two of my many many alts. Please forgive me any typos and mis-spellings, and forgive me if I'm not editing all of the "?" back into quotation marks right away. Don't know what happened there. I thought that if you copied it into notebook first it would work? Anyway I'll fix it sooner or later.

Also forgive me if I don't say anything about the other works yet, thought I am a big fan of all the work in these threads, I haven't really read any of these yet. Been to nervous about actually putting something in.

Anyway, hi. I hope I'll be coming in here more often to write.
Joined September 2011
Nouveau riche LTS member
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 80
# 122
07-02-2013, 02:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by malkarris View Post
Well, first time posting to one of these, or posting in this thread, and I get the luck to go after Shevet, though all of you regulars would put my stuff to shame, but eh.

My entry, attempting a bit of humor about everyone's favorite Romulan Tovan, as well as introducing two of my many many alts. Please forgive me any typos and mis-spellings, and forgive me if I'm not editing all of the "?" back into quotation marks right away. Don't know what happened there. I thought that if you copied it into notebook first it would work? Anyway I'll fix it sooner or later.

Also forgive me if I don't say anything about the other works yet, thought I am a big fan of all the work in these threads, I haven't really read any of these yet. Been to nervous about actually putting something in.

Anyway, hi. I hope I'll be coming in here more often to write.
I LOVED THIS!!!

I really like all of them but this one, you gave a really good explanation for every Romulan ship having a Tovan. The Khev family is huge and this story and the way you ended with Rinna was great.

Well done.
Vice Admiral Ky'Lian Berat - U.S.S. AVALON
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 412
# 123
07-02-2013, 02:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by malkarris View Post
Well, first time posting to one of these, or posting in this thread, and I get the luck to go after Shevet, though all of you regulars would put my stuff to shame, but eh.

My entry, attempting a bit of humor about everyone's favorite Romulan Tovan, as well as introducing two of my many many alts. Please forgive me any typos and mis-spellings, and forgive me if I'm not editing all of the "?" back into quotation marks right away. Don't know what happened there. I thought that if you copied it into notebook first it would work? Anyway I'll fix it sooner or later.

Also forgive me if I don't say anything about the other works yet, thought I am a big fan of all the work in these threads, I haven't really read any of these yet. Been to nervous about actually putting something in.

Anyway, hi. I hope I'll be coming in here more often to write.
Welcome, malkarris! I'm sure everyone here would say that everyone gets a bit of nerves when they post for the first time, but always remember that we aren't here to rip you down. We're here to enjoy each other's contributions, and are just as open to errors and being called on them as you.

So, kick off the shoes, pull up the typewriter/keyboard, and enjoy!
"I am your leader, I am in command. The fate of all my followers lies in my hands. The burden of what is right or wrong, decisions have to be made. I have to take you all into this burning Gate." - Iron Savior, 'Never Say Die'.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,738
# 124
07-02-2013, 04:03 PM
That was frakking hilarious, malkarris, especially the ending.

The setup kind of reminded me of a situation in the webcomic Schlock Mercenary, in which an ancient race, the F'sherl-ganni, had set up interstellar travel through a series of warp-gates - which, unbeknownst to the galaxy at large, created an exact copy of each person to go through them. (Usually, the gate-clones were interrogated for any useful information, then disposed of.) For reasons far too complex to go into here, one of the side-effects of the mercenary team Tagon's Toughs stopping this practice was the immediate release into the galaxy of somewhere around nine billion clones of a man named Gav, who'd had himself placed in cryogenic suspension in the 20th Century, and had been touring the galaxy since his thawing. He became the single largest ethnic group in the galaxy...
-------------------------------------------
I'm old enough not to care too much about what you think of me --
But I'm young enough to remember the future, the way things ought to be...

- Rush, "Cut To the Chase", Counterparts
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 591
# 125
07-02-2013, 04:32 PM
Yes, we needed an explanation of why there are so many Tovans running around - well done!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 196
# 126
07-02-2013, 05:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonsills View Post
That was frakking hilarious, malkarris, especially the ending.

The setup kind of reminded me of a situation in the webcomic Schlock Mercenary, in which an ancient race, the F'sherl-ganni, had set up interstellar travel through a series of warp-gates - which, unbeknownst to the galaxy at large, created an exact copy of each person to go through them. (Usually, the gate-clones were interrogated for any useful information, then disposed of.) For reasons far too complex to go into here, one of the side-effects of the mercenary team Tagon's Toughs stopping this practice was the immediate release into the galaxy of somewhere around nine billion clones of a man named Gav, who'd had himself placed in cryogenic suspension in the 20th Century, and had been touring the galaxy since his thawing. He became the single largest ethnic group in the galaxy...
Not to mention the sudden upturn in demand for Guinness.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,738
# 127
07-02-2013, 07:32 PM
I misremembered. There weren't 9 billion Gavs - "only" 950 million.

The relevant Schlock Mercenary strip.
-------------------------------------------
I'm old enough not to care too much about what you think of me --
But I'm young enough to remember the future, the way things ought to be...

- Rush, "Cut To the Chase", Counterparts
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 146
# 128
07-02-2013, 07:41 PM
@ jonsills - that was a nice entry. I like how Nniol handles his situation - immediately falling back on years of experience while realizing this is probably freaking out Tovan.

Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
I think you give people too much credit The other thing to consider, is that this is about fifty years after the end of the occupation, Bajor wouldn't necessarily need Federation help, and some may have viewed Hillel's vague efforts as condescending...
This is a good discussion.

I have always imagined that a fair portion of Bajorans will always be self-sufficient and resent outside help. But also consider that Hillel, a human, comes and talks about his personal interaction with the Gods. Most Bajorans probably rarely (if ever) have an Orb experience, and here is someone who claims to have something even more intimate - the Gods seeking him out? I can see that causing a lot of resentment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by danqueller View Post
Seriously, I don't think any author has the objectivity to rate their own work. We're too close/involved with it to see it from the outside. It's only when we see our work reflected back by others that we get an idea what it might actually be.
I agree.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Excellent story. I really like the way you shape many of your major characters to deeply flawed individuals, and delving into Hillel made for some very interesting reading.
Thanks. I think I have a fair number of flawed individuals in real life for inspiration. (I may be one of them!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by lykum View Post
My only complaints are speaking from 1st person perspective and not enough action between dialogue sequences, but they at a start..
I assume these are complaints against mine (since you haven't posted anything and mine was the one the person above you was talking about)? I could tell you what I really feel about first person narratives, but what fun would that be?
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 153
# 129
07-02-2013, 08:26 PM
this is my first time in a while doing one of these. i want to become a writer in the future but not sure how well my story telling is, so any feed back would be helpful.
Thanx
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Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 130
07-02-2013, 08:30 PM
Finally done with mine. This was a style I've wanted to do for some time, getting to see some of the Athena's crew when they're not on duty, but I haven't really had much of a chance to do so. Let me know what you all think

As an aside, I went to that "I write like" site as well, and I've gotten both Stephen King and Isaac Asimov for one entry each, but for most of my entries, including this one, I apparently have a similar style to Vladimir Nabokov (whom I have never heard of until I went to the site )
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
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