Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,524
# 11
06-01-2013, 01:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
ABW had a fantastic buildup but I thought the ending was anti-climatic. I felt like K'Tirr's presence in the story was totally wasted. It seemed the only reason his crew was involved at all was so Mai could show off. I was a more than a little disappointed, because I think K'Tirr is a fascinating character on his own and I love your exploration of the Ferasan culture.

That said, Sa'ana, Wilson and everything that was happening on New Romulus were all extremely compelling. I think the story would have been stronger if you'd just focused on them, maybe with some flashbacks to the T'Geren conspiracy.


As far as "The Road" goes, I promise I'm working on it. In the last week or two a combination of factors have left me with too many ideas to try to write down (for this story and others) and not enough time to flesh out what I should be working on. I think I can have the whole thing wrapped up in a couple of weeks if my schedule cooperates, but don't hold me to that...

In the meantime, would you consider working up some backstories? I'm particularly interested in how K'Tirr earned his name and how Uminoe came to be Kicur's host.
I won't make any excuses for the anticlimactic ending-I was running out of 'juice' by then and I feel kind of bad about it-I expect at some point I'll have to revise most of the story.

as for 'backstory' items...

I do intend to do a Ferasan arc at some point focusing on K'Tirr the way that I focused on D'Moj in "A Family Matter", at this moment I'm kind of stuck for an angle work that side.

As for Uminoe Kicur...that's going to take quite a bit of work to untangle in a readable way. Particularly the Kicur symboite's reasons for what it did, and how that works into Trill society and social norms.

I agree about mishandling the Herdthinner's arc as well-they didn't need to be there, and I ended up taking shortcuts when I hit some walls that I shouldn't have, same for the ground actions-the outcome was WAY under what I'd planned, I just kind of...lost the juice there, thus depriving the readers of a lot of what should've been 'goodstuff', including the Hirogen, a lot of blood and violence, and insights into the Romulan main characters (Tevek and Aarauna especially).
"when you're out of Birds of Prey, you're out of ships."
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,236
# 12
06-01-2013, 04:09 AM
With regard the lack of comments, I would simply say to consider your audience. For the past six weeks, there has been an ongoing LC to allow people to flesh out their Romulan characters, but in terms of entries, I've seen more output on some of the fortnightly challenges. I don't want to project my own opinions onto others, but I think that may be something to do with it. Personally speaking, first and foremost, I am Starfleet. The occasional mission to Klingon or Romulan territory is all well and good, but it's not where my interest lies, and the further a locale or story drifts from that, the more my interest wanes. I enjoyed your other stories, particularly Pear Shaped, but Brittle World just didn't really have anything that interested me. That's not meant as a criticism of your writing, it just wasn't to my taste (in the same way, I can appreciate Tolkien's work, but I would rather slam my nuts in a car door than even consider reading LoTR or the Hobbit, because that is not a genre I enjoy) I'm not overly interested in Romulans, and have even less time for Orions.I did like the image of the guy spitting on the blade before sharpening it Another question I would ask, is if you write to a (however loosely) planned plot, or if you just 'free write' as the inspiration takes you? Both methods are equally valid, and I know how hard it can be to try and write when the inspiration is no there. But the feeling I got with Family Matter and Brittle World, was that they were free written with no planned objective. Again, nothing wrong with free writing, but I feel longer pieces like this benefit from a clearer objective/tighter plot... Again, that's not meant as a criticism of your writing, just my impression as a reader. But what do I know? I write about a guy who f**ks his sister and acts like a Vulcan because he misses his mum...

Keep writing

Last edited by marcusdkane; 06-01-2013 at 04:12 AM.
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,166
# 13
06-01-2013, 11:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
Keep writing
Please.

So "A Brittle World" didn't turn out like you hoped. Same thing happens to every great author. Do what they do: learn from it and use it as motivation to do better next time.


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 715
# 14
06-07-2013, 11:38 AM
Forgive me for butting in. I like all of your stories personally. Just, I have noticed that some of them have very hard endings, you hit the climax and then just stop. ABW really did that with the Herdthinner arc. If you had added just one more part to that story, it would have flowed better.

Personally, and this is just me, and I really hope you don't take it personally, I felt that the two stories in ABW could have been split, aside from the camp scene, they don't intesect with each other at all.

Other than that, great stories, I love them all. I am curious if you set out to make Sa'ana a Princess Bride reference, or if that just happened. Either way, I like it.
Joined September 2011
Nouveau riche LTS member
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,524
# 15
07-08-2013, 06:21 PM
Added: "In the Shadow of the Light" to the main list.
"when you're out of Birds of Prey, you're out of ships."
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 190
# 16
07-08-2013, 06:27 PM
Darnit, stop writing new stuff untill I can get caught up on all the older stories!

(Just kidding, please don't stop. Excellent work. )
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,524
# 17
07-10-2013, 01:57 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by knightraider6 View Post
Darnit, stop writing new stuff untill I can get caught up on all the older stories!

(Just kidding, please don't stop. Excellent work. )
at this point most of my storylines are hinging on the outcome of Sander233's "The Road to Ruin", all I can really drop right now are prequels and backgrounding stuff until that story's finished. (NO, I haven't seen preliminary drafts of the next chapter, so don't ask.)

but if you're worried about whether Moab survives the onslaught, remember this phrase:

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."
"when you're out of Birds of Prey, you're out of ships."
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,524
# 18
07-12-2013, 01:27 AM
The first bit of 'hinge' from "The Road To Ruin" is out now, so at least ONE of my standing lines is now 'good to go', so we've got an all-new, current-era, story in the works, with the Prologue posted for your entertainment...This one's going to run a bit on the long side between updates, but hopefully y'all will enjoy it as it grinds through into digital existence...
"when you're out of Birds of Prey, you're out of ships."
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,524
# 19
08-07-2013, 01:26 AM
damn, wrong thread.
"when you're out of Birds of Prey, you're out of ships."

Last edited by patrickngo; 08-07-2013 at 01:38 AM.
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