Lt. Commander
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 234
# 311
08-17-2013, 07:02 PM
Finished my last part! Hope y'all like it!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 146
# 312
08-18-2013, 06:49 PM
My latest entry uses the number 47 in a way that I think is unique so far. It might not be immediately obvious.

Thanks to whoever made the comment in a previous thread about Counselor ch'Raul being bad-ass enough to punch a senior officer in the face and get away with it.

Now to more reviews...

@ rextorvan36 - that was a good concept (#31). I have two recommendations for improving your story.

First, in the beginning there are several sentences that are in the present tense. I recommend making them in the past tense to match everything else.

Second, you could condense some sentences, like these:

Quote:
"Tactical on the main screen." I needed the bigger picture and, I needed to clear my thinking. If the intel was correct....

In the meantime, the tactical map was updated.
The second sentence was what the reader expects anyway, so it is redundant.

@ shevet - I liked your entry (#32).
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,249
# 313
08-18-2013, 10:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
My latest entry uses the number 47 in a way that I think is unique so far. It might not be immediately obvious.

Thanks to whoever made the comment in a previous thread about Counselor ch'Raul being bad-ass enough to punch a senior officer in the face and get away with it.
I believe that was me

Very nice entry, and very subtle use of 47 It sounds like things are improving for Isabella, which is good, but my main question/observation, is what happened to Alice?
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,086
# 314
08-18-2013, 11:02 PM
Took me a minute to catch on to the 47 reference...but very nicely done!
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM me for more. :-)


Sig by gulberat. Avatar credit to balsavor.deviantart.com
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,202
# 315
08-19-2013, 11:24 AM
@superhombre777 - The last sentence gave it away for me. Very well done indeed!
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Commander
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 488
# 316
08-19-2013, 04:36 PM
Right, here's a quicky from me. It's a tie in to the events of LC44 for Lynathru and crew, as well as to the events of sander233's "The Road to Ruin" and much of patrickngo's stuff. I already have several story ideas in mind to follow up on this, one of which will probably be posted sometime soonish in the Redux thread.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 146
# 317
08-19-2013, 07:23 PM
@ jonsills - I look forward to more Mycroft.

@ knightraider6 - that was amazing! Sad, but great. I am impressed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
I believe that was me

Very nice entry, and very subtle use of 47 It sounds like things are improving for Isabella, which is good, but my main question/observation, is what happened to Alice?
I haven't decided what to do with Alice. I wrote a stand-alone piece on Yair Hillel trying to re-join Starfleet that I haven't posted yet, so maybe I'll combine that with whatever happens to Alice. She's sentient so she can't be turned off, but she's still a liability to whoever holds her...

Anyway, about your entry (Risian Echoes)...you have to mention transparent aluminum, the one thing in Star Trek that I absolutely hate! (Grain boundaries are important in metals, and they kind of make transparency impossible. Maybe I should make a metallurgist on my ship just to lament this.) T'Reya's cold adherence to protocol should make for some fun ethical dilemmas down the road.
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,189
# 318
08-19-2013, 09:03 PM
@superhombre - very nice. I really loved Kerna'tharan's report. And the last paragraph was quite poetic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
I haven't decided what to do with Alice. I wrote a stand-alone piece on Yair Hillel trying to re-join Starfleet that I haven't posted yet, so maybe I'll combine that with whatever happens to Alice. She's sentient so she can't be turned off, but she's still a liability to whoever holds her...
I could get Frank Grimes and Atticus to restask her if you'd like. If she were to suddenly "find" a conscience, I can see her guilt over her actions adding a very unique element to her personality.



@ambassadormolari - great entry. I really enjoyed reading Lynathru's reaction to the Orion uprising, and his whole thought process regarding fate and Shakespeare. The stale bloodwine was a nice touch.

IF Lynathru were to find himself on the outs with the High Command, you can count on General Ssharki to bail him out. Ssharki apparently collects talented people who don't fit the KDF mold (like patrickngo's characters.)

Of course, if Lynathru can somehow win his way into the High Council's good graces on his own, more power to him!


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics
Commander
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 488
# 319
08-19-2013, 09:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
@ambassadormolari - great entry. I really enjoyed reading Lynathru's reaction to the Orion uprising, and his whole thought process regarding fate and Shakespeare. The stale bloodwine was a nice touch.

IF Lynathru were to find himself on the outs with the High Command, you can count on General Ssharki to bail him out. Ssharki apparently collects talented people who don't fit the KDF mold (like patrickngo's characters.)

Of course, if Lynathru can somehow win his way into the High Council's good graces on his own, more power to him!
I will definitely keep that in mind as a possible future collaborative piece. Either way, Lynathru will definitely be facing the inquiry sometime in the future-- I can't resist the idea of putting him on the stand and having him try to smoothe talk his way out of prison/exile.

Also, re: all the previous entries:

jonsills: I would have thought that the Federation would have been much more tolerable of AIs by now, given its past cases with Data and the Doctor. Either way, I liked the way Grunt was able to outmanouver T'Nae there. It always pays to know the rules and laws better than your superiors.

danquelier: Everything about your piece took me by surprise. The buildup was perfect-- you did a lot to establish how impossible the R'uhuv's task was. But I did not expect the Commander to do something so drastic to win the day, nor did I expect that big twist in the end. The presence of a Terran Empire force confused me a little, admittedly (especially since they seemed like rather nice people for Mirror Universe Imperials), though I suspect/hope they will be elaborated upon in a later entry.

Either way, it was really interesting to see things from Rycho's perspective. You captured his arrogance, his controlled savagery and his intellect really well, and it simply comes to show how effective a leader the Commander is if she could command the respect and loyalty of someone like him.

superhombre: A nice short piece, though the bit with Kerna'tharan was the best. I wonder how long it will be before he finally figures out that executions aren't allowed by Starfleet regs...
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,536
# 320
08-19-2013, 09:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambassadormolari View Post
jonsills: I would have thought that the Federation would have been much more tolerable of AIs by now, given its past cases with Data and the Doctor. Either way, I liked the way Grunt was able to outmanouver T'Nae there. It always pays to know the rules and laws better than your superiors.
Oh, the Federation is highly tolerant of its AI citizens - that's why I had Grunt quote the decision in Voyager EMH Mark I, et al (it was a class-action suit) v. United Federation of Planets, in which AIs that could prove their sapience were granted the status of full citizens of the Federation. However, if you play through T'Nae's missions as a Romulan, or even just pay close attention to her during the meeting on Khitomer, you'll see she's kind of racist. It's the blind spot that the Undine masquerading as a Deltan admiral exploited in order to dragoon the player as an assistant in her defection. I figured T'Nae would expect Grunt to just roll over and give her the hardware, and incidentally Mycroft, because the Ferengi are really cowards at base, right?

And with any other Ferengi she might have had a point. But Grunt is, by his own people's standards, insanely reckless and foolhardy - what a Human or Andorian might call "brave". (That was one of the reasons he joined Starfleet - he's essentially in exile, but he prefers to think of himself as being a liason of sorts between the Federation and the Ferengi Alliance.) And like any good Ferengi, he makes sure to learn all of the relevant laws before he might have to be called to account because of them...
-------------------------------------------

When I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need. Not all this "who are you and how did you get into my house" nonsense.

Last edited by jonsills; 08-19-2013 at 09:50 PM.
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:34 AM.