Lt. Commander
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 195
# 111
08-29-2013, 03:31 AM
Fantastic to the end.

I loved the change of tense for the section, "Nightmare". Beast of a time for someone to repurpose the morgue... And hospital ships! My captain could be out there setting up refugee camps

The spirit, feelings and sense of place make the personalities so real, such as Jesu able to 'sneak' up on Rusty. And so many Earth cultures woven in. You've spanned subconscious and conscious so well, with characters already failing to keep them separated. Drake Tran could be a problem next. Then that last twist, from the replicant's source material... magical. Truly a pleasure to read, thank you!
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,215
# 112
08-29-2013, 05:12 AM
Applause!!!
"when you're out of Birds of Prey, you're out of ships."

Why do I play KDF? It's like playing Paranoia, but with starships.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,759
# 113
08-29-2013, 05:38 AM
Absolutely fantastic I liked the line about Jesu wanting to poach Mitchell Ironically, I realised the other day, that given Jesu's diplomatic missions, S'rR's would make a fitting addition to the Tiburon's complement as an extra member of his diplomatic advisory board

Last edited by marcusdkane; 08-29-2013 at 05:43 AM.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 226
# 114
08-29-2013, 06:36 AM
Awesome ending to an awesome story, loved it!
"It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier."
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 569
# 115
08-29-2013, 10:13 AM
Very, very fun.

A very nice ending there.

When you start planning your next story, let me know--I'll see if any of my alts would work well for it.
Originally KiraYamato before the Account Linking - True Join Date August 2008

"Close Air Support covereth a multitude of sins." - Maxim 4, The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,628
# 116
08-29-2013, 03:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickngo View Post
Applause!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by knightraider6 View Post
Awesome ending to an awesome story, loved it!
Thank you, thank you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by milandare View Post
Fantastic to the end.

I loved the change of tense for the section, "Nightmare".
Another idea I borrowed from Patrick - he'd written Jesu's nightmare at the end of Part V in present-tense and I thought it worked really well, so I did it again here.
Quote:
Beast of a time for someone to repurpose the morgue... And hospital ships! My captain could be out there setting up refugee camps : )
I actually thought of you when I wrote that bit, and what you'd said in an earlier comment.
Quote:
The spirit, feelings and sense of place make the personalities so real, such as Jesu able to 'sneak' up on Rusty. And so many Earth cultures woven in. You've spanned subconscious and conscious so well, with characters already failing to keep them separated. Drake Tran could be a problem next. Then that last twist, from the replicant's source material... magical. Truly a pleasure to read, thank you!
You're far too kind. But I do feel like I've improved as a writer to some extent over the course of the story. I definitely pushed myself into some pretty unfamiliar and often dark territory. The psychological aspect, with Rusty's trip to neural limbo/purgatory and Eighty-Six reforming her metaself were particularly challenging. Patrick provided some content, which really helped, but I'm glad I was able to make it all convincing!

Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
Absolutely fantastic I liked the line about Jesu wanting to poach Mitchell.
What'd you think of the promotion itself? Do you think I captured his and Palmer's reactions well enough?
Quote:
Ironically, I realised the other day, that given Jesu's diplomatic missions, S'rR's would make a fitting addition to the Tiburon's complement as an extra member of his diplomatic advisory board
Jesu's diplomatic mission is really very different from Siri's. I mean, S'rR's is supposed to be Pentaxia's ambassador to the Federation, but Jesu's job (at least, as he sees it) is to correct the Federation's diplomatic mistakes, either with the cross-cultural DABO table or by bringing in a military solution (which seems to be his preferred mode.) His style and solutions are often at odds with Federation policy, and he often has to go back and ask for forgiveness rather than permission. It's all very unofficial and usually off-the-books. So I think having an official representative of a foreign power would a) not be terribly useful to his mission, and b) actually complicate matters when he needs to defy orders and official policy in the name of common sense and decency. Not that S'rR's would necessarily disagree with his decisions, but there would be a lot of lines like "don't put this in your report." "this didn't happen." "leave the Empress out of this one."

Quote:
Originally Posted by takeshi6 View Post
Very, very fun.

A very nice ending there.

When you start planning your next story, let me know--I'll see if any of my alts would work well for it.
Thank you!

The next few major stories I have planned are a backstory arc for my Romulan character, a Dominion War story collection featuring the first crew of the Tiburon and a few of Patrick's characters, and a sort of prologue to this set against the Fek'Ihri invasion of Qo'noS which will primarily center around Lan/Nine and Sway, and I'm hoping to collaborate with Patrick on that as well and join one or two of his characters for a little trip to Gre'thor and back.

So if you have any alts who are a) Dominion War veterans, b) KDF, or c) would have been active or part of the relief force after Hobus, PM me and I'll work them in. Otherwise we'll just wait and see what the next LCs bring us.



EDIT: BTW, what do you all think of my musical selections, for the finale and throughout the story? Do you think they add anything or am I better off letting my own words speak for me?

"The Snowmenz Are Coming! The Snowmenz Are Coming!!"

The Masterverse Timeline / Ten Forward Fanfics

Last edited by sander233; 08-29-2013 at 03:53 PM. Reason: music
Captain
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 561
# 117
08-29-2013, 05:21 PM
And at last, we get to the end!! And what an end. Very well done, sander, tou tied things up quite nicely with the conclusion-- the feelings of loss and exhaustion felt by all of the characters involved was communicated quite well, though you still managed to get a bright, hopeful spot in there with the resolution for Eighty-Six. Somehow, even though Moab and most of its population have died horribly, it's still nice to know that both the Federation and Klingons are recognizing Eighty-Six as self-aware, sentient and autonomous.

Very well done overall! I commend you on getting The Road to Ruin finished, given all the time and effort you put into it (I doubt I would have had your patience or commitment). And let me say that I really liked the whole story-- it started out slowly, and the tie-in between Eighty-Six, Moab and Grimes' investigation all initially felt clunky and loose. But it really picked up with the Fek'Ihri invasion, and I must hand it to you on not pulling and punches with it. People died, ships blew up, and in the end, the good guys' victory was a victory in name only. The action was superbly written, and I'll be honest, for a while I actually did think that Rusty wasn't going to make it.

Awesome job, Sander (and patrickngo!). Can't wait for the next one.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,759
# 118
08-29-2013, 05:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
What'd you think of the promotion itself? Do you think I captured his and Palmer's reactions well enough?
Very much so, I thought it was handled perfectly


Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Jesu's diplomatic mission is really very different from Siri's. I mean, S'rR's is supposed to be Pentaxia's ambassador to the Federation, but Jesu's job (at least, as he sees it) is to correct the Federation's diplomatic mistakes, either with the cross-cultural DABO table or by bringing in a military solution (which seems to be his preferred mode.) His style and solutions are often at odds with Federation policy, and he often has to go back and ask for forgiveness rather than permission. It's all very unofficial and usually off-the-books. So I think having an official representative of a foreign power would a) not be terribly useful to his mission, and b) actually complicate matters when he needs to defy orders and official policy in the name of common sense and decency. Not that S'rR's would necessarily disagree with his decisions, but there would be a lot of lines like "don't put this in your report." "this didn't happen." "leave the Empress out of this one."
When you put it like that, I think you're right, her official status is different to that of the representatives Jesu works with. I'm hoping you'll enjoy the upcoming glimpse into the madness of Ch'K'rr in the upcoming entry which I'm hoping to land sometime tomorrow I believe Anakin Skywalker would have termed Jesu's work as 'aggressive negotiations'


Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
EDIT: BTW, what do you all think of my musical selections, for the finale and throughout the story? Do you think they add anything or am I better off letting my own words speak for me?
As they were often lyrics I was unfamiliar with, I tended to just scroll past. I do think they added something though, although your own words more than speak for themselves
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,215
# 119
08-30-2013, 11:11 AM
Now that MoabIII and Cold Butte are the remaining two worlds in what is now a recognized polity, I'm kind of wondering a few things...

When the Pentaxian Ambassador gets the final report, (edited by Mr. Frank Drake, no doubt) I wonder what their reaction's going to be?

as has been mentioned before, the over-all storyline is continuing in "The Chase" and we've got guest-post/helper material from Sander233 in Episode 10 of that story, with 3 episodes to go before it's finished.


The presence (because Saul wouldn't turn 'em away and the KDF is busy enough with crises throughout the Beta Quadrant that they also wouldn't turn away freely offered help) of Cardassian, Romulan, and even Federation offers of assistance (and probably aid workers) means that Frank Drake's little 'edits' could very well be immaterial if Cardassian Union, Romulan Republic, or even Pentaxian intelligence services get wind of the situation regarding the Cult of the Masters and that group's involvement in what happened here (or, if you're also reading "The Chase" what's happening in a few weeks...), so there's plenty of room, I suspect, for additional points of view in additional related stories.

in a related note, Sander and I have entered discussions to do a prequel piece involving the first Fek'lhyr incursions (the ones in the Klingon mission string) centred on Sway and K'Tirr-the mission set that got K'Tirr Scout-Captain his second name. It's an opportunity to meet Lan as well-the Klingon who became a Borg drone, was rescued, then gave his life to end this invasion.

this will be taking precedence over my previously planned prequel set in the bad old days of the Dominion War-expect the new prequel story sometime in the fall of this year.
"when you're out of Birds of Prey, you're out of ships."

Why do I play KDF? It's like playing Paranoia, but with starships.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,759
# 120
08-30-2013, 01:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickngo View Post
Now that MoabIII and Cold Butte are the remaining two worlds in what is now a recognized polity, I'm kind of wondering a few things...

When the Pentaxian Ambassador gets the final report, (edited by Mr. Frank Drake, no doubt) I wonder what their reaction's going to be?

as has been mentioned before, the over-all storyline is continuing in "The Chase" and we've got guest-post/helper material from Sander233 in Episode 10 of that story, with 3 episodes to go before it's finished.


The presence (because Saul wouldn't turn 'em away and the KDF is busy enough with crises throughout the Beta Quadrant that they also wouldn't turn away freely offered help) of Cardassian, Romulan, and even Federation offers of assistance (and probably aid workers) means that Frank Drake's little 'edits' could very well be immaterial if Cardassian Union, Romulan Republic, or even Pentaxian intelligence services get wind of the situation regarding the Cult of the Masters and that group's involvement in what happened here (or, if you're also reading "The Chase" what's happening in a few weeks...), so there's plenty of room, I suspect, for additional points of view in additional related stories.

in a related note, Sander and I have entered discussions to do a prequel piece involving the first Fek'lhyr incursions (the ones in the Klingon mission string) centred on Sway and K'Tirr-the mission set that got K'Tirr Scout-Captain his second name. It's an opportunity to meet Lan as well-the Klingon who became a Borg drone, was rescued, then gave his life to end this invasion.

this will be taking precedence over my previously planned prequel set in the bad old days of the Dominion War-expect the new prequel story sometime in the fall of this year.
My upcoming LC entry is going to kind of cover this with an unshown 'return to Moab' by Ambassador S'rR's and a Pentaxian archeologist, however, the fallout from that event is going to be the focus of the entry. With regards the Cult of the Masters, there will be some discussion of it, and there are also references to the Makers (who originally engineered the Pentaxians as a species) but without the kind of influence/control that they, as the Good Masters, exercised over the Orions. I had hoped to have it up by now, but it's looking more likely to be sometime Saturday...
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