Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,900
My first run at a Foundry mission is now published. Report any bugs you find in this thread and I'll see what I can do with them.

Title: "Bait and Switch"
Author: starswordc
ID: ST-HMVK8ZDAT
Allegiance: Starfleet
Level: Any
Number of Players Recommended: Any
Length: 1-1.5 hours
Characteristics: Story- and dialogue-heavy (comes with my starting in fan fiction), with a fair amount of traveling in between fight scenes.

Description:
Deep Space 9 has requested additional patrol vessels to combat a rise in piracy, terrorism, and generalized mayhem. Admiral Nadifa La Forge, Starfleet Command, has ordered you to travel to the Beta Ursae Sector Block and report to Admiral Marconi for assignment to a patrol route. This should be a pretty run-of-the-mill civil defense patrol posting.

Author's Comments:
"Bait and Switch" uses an unconventional dialog style best described as a fusion of an STO mission and a visual novel, with character actions described in prose style in dialogs.

This started life as one standalone mission, but my story grew in the telling and I've had to split it into at least a two-parter.

If you play this before having played episode "Klingon War", mission "Skirmish", one interaction on map "USS Marduk - Deck 6" may not make sense as it refers to an NPC introduced in that mission.

There's a bunch of shout-outs to other IPs besides Star Trek, primarily ship names in the Marduk battle group. Many will only appear if you play the mission as multiplayer. The TV Tropes page has the full list, but beware spoilers.

There is a TV Tropes page here, and I am publishing a novelization in Ten Forward here. You can view a trailer by @aleniskendra here.

Version History:
v1.3.2:
v1.3.1:
  • The five Bajoran Militia NPC costumes used on map "Dreon VII - Village" are now wearing Bajoran Militia uniforms, minus the still-unavailable Militia combadges.
  • Agent Grell now wears a Section 31 uniform.

v1.3:
  • All Starfleet personnel are now wearing Odyssey uniforms in accordance with the new Official Starfleet Uniform Code, with a couple of slight variations for Admiral Kree and Captain Zell.
  • On map "U.S.S. Marduk - Deck 6":
    • Captain Morjana Shenna, CO, USS Hanson and Lieutenant Commander Kairan Juvex, CO, USS Ivanova now appear during the mission briefing scene. The Romulan science ensign and wandering Bajoran engineering noncom have been removed to make room.
    • Added notation after Kree dismisses you that you have to walk back to the transporter room to advance the mission.
  • On map "U.S.S. Marduk - C.I.C.":
    • Map renamed "U.S.S. Marduk - Flag Bridge".
    • Some NPCs have been renamed to reflect new rank insignias.

v1.2.2: Mostly dialog adjustments.
-- Added mission door to Foundry storefront description, highlighted in green. Removed paragraph about "Skirmish" because it really isn't relevant to anything.
-- Replaced all uses of "Skipper" with "Captain" or "sir".
-- Slight alterations to briefing with Admiral Marconi.
-- Diversified the dialogs with the asteroid miners in orbit of Malon IV.
-- Adjusted dialog with Captain S'bek so he now says he is traveling to the space station at Malon IV, instead of Deep Space 9. Changed which direction the ship faces and altered the animation to "impulse out".
-- Rephrased Marconi's expression "maximum military power" as "maximum possible warp".
-- Replaced instances of calling Adm. Kree "ma'am" with "sir".
-- On map "Asteroid Base":
--- Tweaks to some conversations.
--- Altered location of interactable crates in computer room so that fighting the Gorn squad happens first.
--- Replaced asset used for breaching charge with that "fire extinguisher" asset that looks more like a bomb.
-- Removed Kree's use of the racial slur "greenskin".
-- Added additional mission recommendations to mission end dialog. Also changed font of titles to OOC to save on characters.

v1.2.1.1: Minor fixes.
-- Color corrections to Capt. Bronok Zell and Vadm. Kanril Eleya ("The Dungeon Master").
-- Added missing dialog option to conversation with Varus Jolin on map "Asteroid Base".

v1.2.1: Fixes to issues discovered since last update.
-- On map "USS Marduk - Deck 6".
--- "Next page" button on first dialog of map entry popup no longer reads "You're a ... Cardassian."
--- Added additional narration to first paragraph of second dialog of map entry popup.
--- Dating fixes to dossiers of Adm. Kree and Capt. Zell (one date was missing, one date was ... temporally anomalous).
-- On map "Asteroid Base":
--- Dialog with Varus Jolin on map "Asteroid Base" now tied to "Component Complete" on his hostage cage.
--- Reach marker for shuttle explosion moved to prevent boff from becoming stuck in the debris when it spawns.

v1.2: Revision partially based on Evil70th's review.
-- Removed superfluous map "Outside the Rolor Nebula". Map transition dialog and map entry popup for "USS Marduk - Deck 6" have been adjusted to compensate.
-- On map "Asteroid Base":
--- Changed dialogs with hostages from NPC optional dialog to popups triggered by Component Complete on the corresponding cage.
--- Typo fix and dialog header addition to "distrust" branch of dialog with PO1. Theel.

v1.1.4: Minor fix, again from Donperk's mission report.
-- Fixed mismatch between dialog option and corresponding dialog window header on map "Dreon VII - Village".

v1.1.3: Minor fixes after feeding the mission through Donperk's proofreading tool.
-- Removed quote marks from all mob and NPC chat bubbles (not dialog pop-ups) on Donperk's recommendation.
-- U.S.S. Marduk NPC on map "Outside the Rolor Nebula" now uses the Float - Space animation.
-- On map "USS Marduk - Deck 6":
--- Made wandering Engineering Petty Officer read from a PADD when idle.
--- Made wandering Tactical Senior Chief stretch when idle, and gave him a chat action.
--- Fixed minor consistency issue: Grell no longer says where the Orions got the transwarp conduit.
-- Orion battleship squadrons and Gorn fighter squadron on map "The Badlands" now use True Combat behavior.
-- On map "Asteroid Base", adjusted a Nausicaan squad's behavior to True Combat.
-- On map "USS Marduk - C.I.C.", changed Engineering CPO's chat bubble to read, "Eh, it'll buff out," for funny.

v1.1.2: Minor fixes.
-- Corrected "enter Malon System" button per post #4.
-- Added waypoint blinker to map "Malon II".
-- Added mob groups on map "The Badlands" added in v1.1 to the objectives.
-- Fixed a spelling error.

v1.1.1: Minor dialog fix I forgot in 1.1.
-- Admiral Marconi now refers to the rogue legate as a "he". (At time of original writing I didn't know that only male Cardassians became soldiers.)

v1.1: Revision based on reviews and my own preferences.
-- Mission description now shows version number, estimated play time, and warns people about the unconventional dialog style mentioned above.
-- Map entry dialog for Deep Space 9 now tells you Marconi's position as an angle relative to station north, not just which deck he's on.
-- Map entry dialog from sector space rewritten to distinguish it from Cryptic patrol missions. Thanks to djscman for pointing that out.
-- Blinker beacons added to space reach markers on maps "Malon IV" and "Ultima Thule Oort Cloud".
-- Ground enemies diversified some on maps "Dreon VII - Village" and "Asteroid Base".
-- Bajoran NPC costumes now all have earrings.
-- Bajoran Militia NPC costumes modified to better simulate canon uniforms. (Little hint, Cryptic. )
-- NPC costumes in general modified to have different hair and eye colors.
-- Dakota-class starship USS Amaterasu now appears on map "The Badlands" as the lead ship of a Cruiser 02 group. This is a fix for internal consistency given that Starfleet was supposed to have reassigned both of you to Adm. Kree.
-- One each Gorn and Nausicaan mob group has been added to map "The Badlands" to compensate for reduced difficulty from adding the Amaterasu.
-- One Orion mob group on map "Asteroid Base" has been replaced with a Gorn Captain group to diversify the ground fights.
-- December 2013 release date for Part 2 proved too optimistic and has been removed from mission ending dialog.

v1.0.1: Fixed bugs found in initial release:
-- Hacking minigame on map "Ultima Thule Oort Cloud" is no longer skippable.
-- Orion mob group in the Romulan prisoner room on map "Asteroid Base" no longer spawns above the ceiling.

v1.0: Initial release.
Vadm. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

Useful Links for Foundry Writers | "Bait and Switch" -- Fed Foundry project, Part 1 rewards-qualified!
Say no to Arc! STO standalone installer

Last edited by starswordc; 09-04-2014 at 05:14 PM. Reason: v1.3.2 09/04/14
Lieutenant
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 42
# 2
10-26-2013, 09:19 AM
Has this not gotten any responses yet somehow? This was an awesome mission. The dialog took some getting used to, but ultimately, I thought it really helped tell what was a great and engaging story that clearly took a lot of work to put into mission form.
Author, "Facing the Past" and "Stepping Over the Line" (a duology), "Venus Unveiled", "Worlds of the Federation", and "Alliances and Alignments"
Member, Shadowbroker
Not linear
Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,900
# 3
10-28-2013, 01:07 PM
Glad you enjoyed it! I'm in the process of uploading version 1.1.1, which fixes several things about 1.0.1 that bothered me and makes at least one fix suggested in a review. I'll update the OP with the patch notes when it goes through.

As of today, "Bait and Switch" has five favorable reviews and is now in the main mission pool, though it has yet to qualify for rewards.

EDIT: Patch complete.
Vadm. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

Useful Links for Foundry Writers | "Bait and Switch" -- Fed Foundry project, Part 1 rewards-qualified!
Say no to Arc! STO standalone installer

Last edited by starswordc; 10-28-2013 at 01:20 PM.
Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,900
# 4
10-28-2013, 01:43 PM
Okay, it seems there's a bug with the sector space -> my map transition buttons. I know for a fact I wrote "Continue Mission: 'Bait and Switch'", not "Enter the Malon System". That was something I was specifically suggested to fix in one of the reviews.

EDIT: I take that back. I put it in the wrong dialog box. Patched to 1.1.2.
Vadm. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

Useful Links for Foundry Writers | "Bait and Switch" -- Fed Foundry project, Part 1 rewards-qualified!
Say no to Arc! STO standalone installer

Last edited by starswordc; 11-04-2013 at 12:06 PM.
Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,900
# 5
11-06-2013, 02:20 PM
Patching to 1.1.3 after some recommendations by Donperk and a discovery of a minor story inconsistency, thanks to his proofreading tool. I added the tool to the useful links thread.
Vadm. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

Useful Links for Foundry Writers | "Bait and Switch" -- Fed Foundry project, Part 1 rewards-qualified!
Say no to Arc! STO standalone installer

Last edited by starswordc; 11-06-2013 at 02:29 PM.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 36
# 6
11-07-2013, 11:48 AM
Well try out your lastest patch, but was enjoyable on the first run I did in review, Good work and will look out for more from you
Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,900
# 7
11-07-2013, 03:52 PM
Patched to 1.1.4 because I discovered another minor error. A dialog option on the Dreon VII village map said the name of the planet was Dreon VII, but the header of the corresponding window said 53 Arietis. This was a relic from when the Bajoran colony was going to be one I made up myself, before I found out from Realmalize that 53 Arietis is way the heck off the bottom of the galaxy map.
Vadm. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

Useful Links for Foundry Writers | "Bait and Switch" -- Fed Foundry project, Part 1 rewards-qualified!
Say no to Arc! STO standalone installer

Last edited by starswordc; 11-07-2013 at 03:56 PM.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 830
Quote:
Originally Posted by starswordc View Post
My first Foundry mission, which I originally meant as a standalone. It came out longer than I expected so I've made it a two-parter.

Mission Name: "Bait and Switch"
Author: StarSwordC
Minimum Level: none
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HMVK8ZDAT
Estimated Mission Length: Measured it at 1.5 hours when beta-testing.
Federation Mission - Bait and Switch
Author: StarSwordC
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HMVK8ZDAT

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This would be considered a great mission for an experienced author but for your first mission it is outstanding. The map designs are good and the battles are tough in some spots but they are fun and pretty well balanced. As for the story dialogue, while unconventionally written, is excellent. There are elements that are similar to a standard Cryptic patrol mission combined with exploration missions but I thoroughly enjoyed the mission. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who enjoy a good story combined with exploration and combat.

As I have mentioned several times before in other reviews, the use of NPC optional dialogue vice triggered dialogue should be consider for changing. The use of the triggered optional dialogue vice NPC optional dialogue allows you to create side story dialogue that adds to the story but is not required. I typically use the 10FT invisible object for triggered dialogue and tasks. Some of dialogue, objects and tasks need a little adjustment in when they become visible or disappear. For optional dialogue a good rule of thumb is it should only remain visible if the player may need to refer back to it. This is where the visibility triggers come in handy. Once a player has passed where the optional dialogue would help it should be removed. That is one of the reasons I push the triggered optional dialogue and discourage the NPC optional dialogue.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good and detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a very good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location for the NPC contact where the mission is to begin. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Deep Space Nine (Cryptic Map): This is a good use of a Cryptic map in the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or your use of the map.

Malon IV: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Use of NPC triggered dialogue vice Optional triggered dialogue. You used the standard NPC triggered dialogue for side story dialogue that does not affect the main plot of the mission. I am referring to the variety of Asteroid Miner NPC dialogue you used on this map. Consider using Optional triggered dialogue that can be set up to become available when the player approaches. From this point forward I will note the maps where you use this discuss it in the summary.

Malon II: This is a great map design with good battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Dreon VII - High Orbit: This is a good map design with fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Dreon VII - Village: This is a great map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Outside the Rolor Nebula: The map design is okay and the story dialogue is well written. In general I am not found of maps that only serve the purpose of one or two lines of dialogue for a set up to change maps again. If there is no other reason for this map you could eliminate it and write dialogue at the beginning of the map similar to the USS. Marduk - CIC map initial dialogue.

USS. Marduk - Deck 6: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The optional console access across from the transporter has a button labeled "Interact" which is the default setting when the interactive button is left blank by the author. Consider changing it "Access Console" or something along those lines.
-Use of NPC triggered dialogue vice Optional triggered dialogue.

Ultima Thule Oort Cloud: This is a great map design with good battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of STO history, math or other types of puzzles as a means of covering "Security questions" is mildly annoying. If there the questions add nothing to the story then consider removing them from the mission or give the player the options to bypass the puzzle

The Badlands: This is a good map design with great battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Use of NPC triggered dialogue vice Optional triggered dialogue.

Asteroid Base: This is a great map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Use of NPC triggered dialogue vice Optional triggered dialogue.

USS. Marduk - CIC: This is a great map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job for your first mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future. Keep up the great work.
Brian

This critique report also filed 11/10/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,900
# 9
11-10-2013, 08:17 PM
I applied a couple of Evil70th's recommendations (particularly removing the basically superfluous "Outside the Rolor Nebula" map) and patched to 1.2.

Evil70th, thank you for the excellent and favorable review!
Vadm. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

Useful Links for Foundry Writers | "Bait and Switch" -- Fed Foundry project, Part 1 rewards-qualified!
Say no to Arc! STO standalone installer
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 830
# 10
11-10-2013, 09:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by starswordc View Post
I applied a couple of Evil70th's recommendations (particularly removing the basically superfluous "Outside the Rolor Nebula" map) and patched to 1.2.

Evil70th, thank you for the excellent and favorable review!
You are more than welcome. I thoroughly enjoyed the mission.

Thanks for authoring and keep up the great work.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:55 AM.