Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 170
# 1 Best of all worlds - PUBLISHED
10-16-2013, 10:47 AM
I?ve published my foundry challenge 8 mission titled ?Best of all worlds?
Please take a look at it and provide feedback and if you like it please vote for me
Thank you.

Mission blurb:

?Your ship is under attack and badly damaged.
The only hope is a new federation transwarp conduit for escape.

However you ship is thrown back in time but when you return home, the timeline has changed for the better.

The question is this do you go back and repair the timeline or not??
CVN-65 U.S.S. Enterprise - A ship so badass it survived John McCain.
Commander
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 477
# 2
10-17-2013, 06:06 AM
NON SPOILER SUMMARY: Awesome! Play the damn thing!

[SPOILERS BELOW]

Cool mission, it was very inventive and I liked being offered a choice. I'm going to have to go back and select the other option! There wasn't much choice in dialogue but having that central to it, and early on, was great.

I love the "mobile turrets", interesting idea. The big explosion before you take over the Avenger is awesome too, but perhaps you might want to change the transition text - seems a little late on to be saying that. Taking a direct part in the past was great, the idea of being your own ancestor (almost a little warped, if you'll excuse the pun).

There were a few SPG issues around, especially in the history section (I've noted a handful below) and I don't like the assumption throughout that my character is a straight human male. Human might be necessary for the second part but altering the wording slightly would negate the other two.

A few small final things: please bring the gate just a little closer! Without full impulse, it is a bit of a dull start waiting to arrive at it. Also, without sensors I didn't realise I was aiming for the right hand side. I was going back and forth in front of it. Second, when you're on the starbase you didn't put any other NPCs. That's a great point to include lots of enemy aliens in Starfleet uniforms! Third, and this is just personal opinion the sacrifice of the Ent-C, not just its act of defending, was crucial to the alliance. By having the Ent-C survive it should be a weaker alliance, not stronger. Finally, I've been a bit of a moan-a-lot about Cryptic's new ship's name which you've used here. Avenger is not an appropriate Starfleet name, it is for any other faction or the mirror universe. There is a reason why it has only once appeared in Star Trek and that is as a mirror universe ship.

A few notes on SPG (I didn't get them all);
This is Vice Admiral [ FirstName]
Some of the text around Ent-C seemed like it needed work on grammar
"abolishing the natural zone"
"the federation vessel [ new paragraph ] USS Enterprise"
Jun-Luc Picard / an Energy weapon
Lots of lower case fs on federation throughtout
Secedes, not suseeds (Klingon names also mis-spelt in this paragraph and you're missing a full stop after fleets (flees).
"shortly after, the federation, the Federation the Romulans join the federation"

& Rose Tinted Mirror (Fed 31+)
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