Lieutenant
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 99
# 991
06-05-2014, 03:19 PM
I suppose now would be a good time to turn my avatar back on… *click*

Thanks for the review Evil70th!

I’m rather giddy that it was only the optional stuff that needed to be worked on rather than the main stuff. I’ll see what I can do to tie all those optional investigation points into the story better (and fix those typos). This might be a good place to begin my “Unsung Missions 2.0 revamp/final update" project I’ve been thinking about.

About that unexplained NPC appearance, the “what the?” factor is intentional, like a gag of sorts. All I can say is that you will find out who he is at the end of Maelstrom. Although looking at it now, I think there is a better way that I could've pulled it off.

BTW, I seem to have neglected to tell you that I have started a new thread, “Starfarertheta’s Foundry Missions” which you can find by clicking on my sig. You can find supplemental information for my mission series in this thread, like some short stories found under Appendix B (post #4) that you can now safely read since you’ve played A Routine Mission.

Again, thank you for taking the time to review foundry missions!

EDIT: ACK! I just realized that I need to change the final dialogue in-game message to direct players to the correct thread! These changes will happen shortly. Apologies for not doing that as soon as I started my new thread.

Edit 2: Or at least I need to be more specific.
[The Suprise Review Thread]
---------------------------------------------------

My Other Missions: A Routine Mission / The Unsung Missions: Artifacts, Escalation [R], Inferno [R]

Last edited by starfarertheta; 06-07-2014 at 07:55 PM.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
# 992
06-06-2014, 12:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by starfarertheta View Post
I suppose now would be a good time to turn my avatar back on… *click*

Thanks for the review Evil70th!

I’m rather giddy that it was only the optional stuff that needed to be worked on rather than the main stuff. I’ll see what I can do to tie all those optional investigation points into the story better (and fix those typos). This might be a good place to begin my “Unsung Missions 2.0 revamp/final update" project I’ve been thinking about.

About that unexplained NPC appearance, the “what the?” factor is intentional, like a gag of sorts. All I can say is that you will find out who he is at the end of Maelstrom. Although looking at it now, I think there is a better way that I could've pulled it off.

BTW, I seem to have neglected to tell you that I have started a new thread, “Starfarertheta’s Foundry Missions” which you can find by clicking on my sig. You can find supplemental information for my mission series in this thread, like some short stories found under Appendix B (post #4) that you can now safely read since you’ve played A Routine Mission.

Again, thank you for taking the time to review foundry missions!
As always I am glad I could help.

Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by logitech007 View Post
Hey Evil70th, I am back with part 3 of my series, I am looking for your review on this part. I am not sure if I posted this part 3 yet or not.


Name: The Unexpected Return Part Three
Author: Logitech007
Allegiance: Starfleet
ID:ST-HULT4LRKX
level: 16+
Time: 45-1 hour
Story: After the loss of Starbase 375 to the Tzenkethi forces, Starfleet and the Klingon Empire forces are on the run. Both Starfleet and the Klingon Empire are hard pressed to get Starbase 375 back and to take care of this new threat. How did the Tzenkethi forces manage to gain all of these vessels and facilities under the Federation and the Klingon Empire’s Knowledge? Do the Tzenkethi forces have support or are they alone? Will this be another Dominion war or will it not get that far? What will happen to the Tzenkethi? What will happen to the Klingon Empire? What will happen to the Federation?
Starting Location: Wall console just outside of the Transporter room on Earth space dock.

Thank you for taking your time to play my part 3.
Logitech007
Federation Mission - The Unexpected Return Part Three
Author: Logitech007
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HULT4LRKX

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a nice mission with some tough but fun battles and detailed story dialogue. There are several spelling, syntax and grammatical errors on some of the maps. They are a distraction from the story dialogue and need to be addressed. I only noted the maps below and recommend you have someone else, other than you, review the dialogue thoroughly. It is too easy to miss dialogue issues when you wrote them. Despite these issues I would still recommend this mission to other players who like a dialogue oriented missions with some fun battles to break up the story.

The balancing of enemy mobs in a mission can be difficult. Deciding where to place the enemy in relation to friendly support, if any, or how strong to make each side can be difficult. With that said it is still a necessary talent to master for an author if you are going to use enemy mobs in a mission. Having a large number of enemy mobs may seem like a challenge to other players but I find it tedious. It is particularly tedious when it adds nothing to the story. If your intention is to make a grinder mission then of course the more enemy the better but again I find those types of mission tedious. So what is the solution? Balance the engagements by placing enemy and friendly mobs on the map in equal proportions. For example, cruiser against cruiser, destroyer against destroyer and so on, with the player added in to tip the balance of the battle. Again this is not easy but you will find it works much better this way.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is the same dialogue from the description. Consider rewriting this dialogue to draw the player in and make them want to click 'Accept'.

Mission Task: The initial task should have a clear start location for the first custom map.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Deep Space: This is a simple map design with several battles and some story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The battle has already begun but the dialogue is as if the battle is about to start. Consider changing the enemy to appear when the player signals the other ships. This way the player can read your dialogue and not ignore it to begin the engagement.
-The number of enemy versus the player is tedious. Consider reducing the number of enemy mobs the player must engage.

Deep Space Nine: This map seems unnecessary to the story. I know what you are trying to do with the warp out on the previous map but it just seems to serve no purpose in the story. There is a short dialogue at the beginning announcing the ships arrival and the player flies all the way across the map to change to the next map. Consider removing this map and adding dialogue at the end of the next map that mentions the arrival and ready to transport to the conference. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], Welcome to Deep Space Nine" to read "[Rank], welcome to Deep Space Nine".
-Consider changing "beam over to the Conference deck" to read "beam over to the conference deck".

Conference Deck: This is a nice map design. The story dialogue is detailed but needs work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Deep Space Nine Security dialogue; consider changing "Please sign in the you may continue in" to read "Please sign in before you enter the conference".
-The Fleet Admiral Nitehawk dialogue; consider changing: "how this threat posses to the Federation and to the Klingon Empire" to read "what this threat means to the Federation and Klingon Empire".
-The response button; consider changing "that could be important to this threat" to read "that may shed light on this threat".
-Due to the volume of spelling, syntax and grammatical errors will only note maps with these issues and not the specific issue. It will be up to you to review the dialogue on those maps.

B'lii System: The map design is good but needs some tweaking. The battle is fun and the story dialogue is detailed but needs work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider placing the initial spawn point closer to the first satellite. Having the player fly to the first one and then back again is tedious.
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are several.
-The enemy vessel at the second satellite appears and attacks immediately. If the player engages immediately the dialogue where the enemy threatens to attack disappears until after the fight is over. This is due to the configuration of your combat trigger. It appears to trigger as soon as the player scans the satellite. Consider changing the dialogue to popup dialogue that occurs when the player arrives in the vicinity of the second satellite. It can be made to be available after the first satellite is scanned and virus uploaded.

Hirogen Monitor station: This is a great map design with good battles and the story dialogue is detailed but needs work. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are several.

Starbase 375 System: This is a nice map design with battles the player barely is able to participate in. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post battle dialogue; consider changing "federation" to read "Federation"

Starbase 375: This is a good map design with several tough enemy mobs. The story dialogue is okay but needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post enemy engagement dialogue; consider changing "We need to break down that field" to read "We need to bring down the dampening field".
-The post "Bring down the field" dialogue; consider removing "The fleet is starting to fall". It is redundant in conjunction with the last line.
-Consider changing the map transfer dialogue; "Our weapons and shield are ready" to read "We are ready to engage the enemy on your command". Delete the last line.

Starbase 375 System: This is a nice map design with several tough battles and the story dialogue is detailed but needs work. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The number of enemy versus the player is tedious. Consider reducing the number of enemy mobs the player must engage or adding more ships to assist in the battles.
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are several.

Tzenkethi Dreadnought Vessel: This is a great map design with detailed story dialogue but needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I was a little confused at first by the nature of the doors closing and blocking my away team. As the story progressed I understood the purpose but consider just adding a note at the start of the map instructing the player to leave the away team behind with a rally point.
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are several.

Tzenketh: This is a good map design but needs a little work. The story dialogue is detailed but needs work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The two locate Autarch tasks are tedious and despite the nice scenery are unnecessary to the story.
-The sliding doors are okay but there is a gap above them that looks strange. In addition as the player moves between the arms of the station they can see that nothing is supporting the structures. The surrounding scenery with through the windows looks good but the lack of structural support detail needs to be addressed.
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are several.

Tzenketh system: This is a nice map design with several tough but optional battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing the mission and series. With the dialogue fixes and battle balancing you will make it a great mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.

Brian

This critique report also filed 06/07/2014 on forum posting for: The Unexpected Returns Series
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.

Last edited by evil70th; 06-13-2014 at 10:15 AM.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 89
# 994 my mission play
06-07-2014, 07:06 PM
Hey Evil70th, thank you for the feedback on part 3 of the Series and I will be looking into the issues that you had pointed out to me.

Thank you

Logitech007
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
# 995
06-08-2014, 10:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by logitech007 View Post
Hey Evil70th, thank you for the feedback on part 3 of the Series and I will be looking into the issues that you had pointed out to me.

Thank you

Logitech007
As always, glad I could help. Your part four is next up in the queue. I will get to it as soon as I can.

Thanks for authoring
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by logitech007 View Post
Hey all I am back with part four of my The unexpected return to end this series, im looking for one of your reports reviews on part 4.

Thank you for taking your time and effort to play part 4 .

Thank you.
Logitech007
----------------------------------------------------------

Name: The Unexpected Return Part Four
ID: ST-HJLZCA4DX
Author: Logitech007
Language: English
Allegiance: Starfleet-Federation
Level: 50
Version:V1.1:
Story: You and your team have made it back to Deep space nine from the Tzenkethi homeworld with some disturbing evidence of their super weapon capable of destroying entire planets. The Tzenkethi forces have set their eyes on destroying the Federation and the Klingon Empire with this weapon. Will the Tzenkethi forces succeed on destroying the Federation and the Klingon Empire or will you be able to destroy the Tzenkethi forces and their weapons before its too late?
Where to start:Wall console just outside of the Transporter room on Earth space dock.
----------------------------------------------------------


Thanks again Logitech007
Federation Mission - The Unexpected Return Part Four
Author: Logitech007
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJLZCA4DX

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a nice mission with some fun battles and detailed story dialogue. The series overall is good and this mission worked well to wrap it up. This mission, like the series, has several spelling, syntax and grammatical errors on some of the maps. As with my previous reports I mention these errors because they are what hold your missions back from being outstanding. I highly recommend you have someone else, other than you, review the dialogue thoroughly. It is too easy to miss dialogue issues when you wrote them. Despite these issues I would still recommend this mission and the series to other players who like story oriented missions with fun battles to add to the story.

On several of the maps I mention the excessive use of the response button "Continue". I am sure that everyone who has ever submitted a mission or read my reviews knows that this is a pet peeve of mine. Rather than beating a dead horse here I thought I might provide some alternatives to "Continue". In several places you have the player providing dialogue that is from their point of view. This is a nice story telling device and you use it well throughout this mission and series. I would suggest changing it up a bit by adding some of the final portions of the dialogue as the response button. For example;
[OOC]Your decision to do this is one I cannot agree with.[/OOC]
Response Button: I will take this up with Starfleet.
If you did this type of dialogue I believe the player would feel more a part of the story. Another recommendation regarding the replacement of "Continue" would be use "…" instead. The biggest reason I object to "Continue" vice "…" or using it as a continuation of [OOC] dialogue is it just does not feel right. Yes I know Cryptic uses it quite excessively throughout their missions but unfortunately they do not have me reviewing their dialogue before release.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a detailed description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The first sentence is a run-on sentence. Consider breaking it up into two separate sentences or place comas appropriately.
-Consider changing "forces succeed on destroying" to read "forces succeed in destroying".
-Consider changing the "Where to start" dialogue to [MissionInfo] dialogue.
-Consider changing "MThe door just below" to read "The door just below"

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is the same dialogue from the description. Consider rewriting this dialogue to draw the player in and make them want to click 'Accept'.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location for the first custom map to the initial task. I noted no spelling errors to this initial task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[Rank], Deep Spce nine is signaling us say they are ready for us to beam over" to read "[Rank], Deep Space Nine is signaling, they are ready for us to beam over"

MAPS:
Conference Deck: This is a nice map design. The story dialogue is detailed but needs work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Fleet Admiral Nitrehawk dialogue; consider changing "welcome back to Deep Space nine" to read "welcome back to Deep Space Nine".
-The sentence starting with "We have received your reports" is a run-on sentence and needs to be rewritten.
-Your use of the response button "Continue" was a bit excessive. I will note the maps and cover some suggested changes for this in my summary.
-Due to the volume of spelling, syntax and grammatical errors will only note maps with these issues and not the specific issue. It will be up to you to review the dialogue on those maps.

Hobus System: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are several.
-You have dialogue that pops up as the player is entering a combat zone. I realize the combat is optional on this map but once combat starts the player can only read the dialogue after. Consider moving the enemy mobs and battle a little further away so the player can read the dialogue. Have the last dialogue regarding leaving the system appear once the last enemy mob is destroyed.
-Your use of the response button "Continue" was a bit excessive.

Deep Space-Sol system: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-If you are going to use the warp streaks then consider changing your map orientation to a westerly orientation and using "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect. It looks more like warp space then the current orientation and "Weather Starstreaks" you are using.
-Check the triggers for the weather streaks and planet with debris. Your current configuration appears to make the planet and debris appear while the warp effect is still going on. I would suggest setting up a trigger that sets off all these appearance and disappearances. You could use the "Coming from warp" effect as well.
-Be careful how you design the triggers. I was moving forward, my ship does not stop for dialogue prompts, and I had to circle back around to trigger the "Join the Fight" task.
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are several.
-Your use of the response button "Continue" was a bit excessive.

Deep Space: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider using a larger invisible object to trigger the scan. It will look better and will not be visible on the map.
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are several.
-Your use of the response button "Continue" was a bit excessive.

U.S.S. Odyssey: This is a good map with detailed story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are several.
-Your use of the response button "Continue" was a bit excessive.

Deep Space: This is a nice simple map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Deep Space-Sol system: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. This is a nice wrap up to the mission and the series. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-As noted on a previous map your orientation of the map and use of the "Weather Starstreaks" you are currently using should be changed to a westerly orientation and using "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect.
-As noted on a previous map the triggers for the weather streaks and planet appear to be incorrectly configured to appear. I would suggest setting up a trigger that sets off all these appearance and disappearances. You could use the "Coming from warp" effect as well.
-The post battle Tactical Officer dialogue; consider changing "hailed by the U.S.S. Durg" to read "hailed by the U.S.S. Drug".
-Consider changing "the Temporal Prime Directive,discuss your experience" to read "the Temporal Prime Directive, discuss your experience".
-The End of Mission dialogue; consider changing "Please make sure you rate and leave some feedback and i will get back you" to read "Please rate my mission and leave feedback. I will get back you as soon as I can".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission and the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 06/13/2014 on forum posting for: The Unexpected Returns Series
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 89
# 997 review of part 4
06-13-2014, 02:32 PM
Hey Evil70th, thank you for your review. I have changes a few Continue buttons to something else, and I have made some minor map changes and I will be getting someone to take a look at the spelling and grammar part. I use Goggle docs for spell checking and grammar.

Thanks again for all your hard work. I will be posting my new mission on the forums as soon as I am done so another week or 2.

Thanks again. Keep up the great work.

Thanks
Logitech007
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
# 998
06-14-2014, 10:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by logitech007 View Post
Hey Evil70th, thank you for your review. I have changes a few Continue buttons to something else, and I have made some minor map changes and I will be getting someone to take a look at the spelling and grammar part. I use Goggle docs for spell checking and grammar.

Thanks again for all your hard work. I will be posting my new mission on the forums as soon as I am done so another week or 2.

Thanks again. Keep up the great work.

Thanks
Logitech007
As always, I am glad I could help. Thank you for authoring and to all the authors out there, keep up the great work. It is the Foundry missions that add more depth and detail to the game.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by maninblack017 View Post
The third part of the Uprising series is finally online!

Uprising: Act III - Epsilon
ID: ST-HLZHDY566
Allegiance: Federation*
Level: All Levels
Language: English
Single player. Adding teammates may cause unexpected difficulties.

Estimated play time 60-90 minutes.
This mission is story-based and therefore contains heavy dialogue. However, it also contains both space and ground combat.*

This mission begins at the console outside of the transporter room on Earth Spacedock.

Summary:
Having been pushed to your breaking point by the Phoenix Dawn, you must find a way to get back into the fight. While you and your crew struggle to survive, Jok'lava continues his reign of terror on the Federation. You may be the last hope that Earth has left.

Starfleet is in its darkest hour. Do you have what it takes to figure out how to prevent total annihilation?

-----------

I just wanted to let you know because you thoroughly reviewed the first two parts. If you could review this one too, it'd be greatly appreciated. Thank you for all you do.
Federation Mission - Uprising: Act III - Epsilon
Author: maninblack
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HLZHDY566

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission in the series. The map designs are well done, the battles are challenging but fun, and the story dialogue is excellent. There were a few issues with objects on maps but I would definitely recommend this mission and the series to other players.

I mention the use of invisible objects in lieu of multiple consoles on two of your maps. Having multiple consoles to access similar information on the same map seems odd. You should consider replacing the various tasks linked to multiple consoles with invisible objects placed at a single console. For example on the "Battle Bridge" map at the center chair you can place multiple invisible objects to use as triggers for the commands. By doing this you have the Captain (Player) issue orders for the diagnostic check, log review and so on from the center of the bridge. It would alleviate the number of panels you had to add to the map for the player to interact with. If you decide to have the player interact with consoles then consider using invisible objects located at one station for the diagnostic and one for the log access. You can use the same thing on the "U.S.S. Sacrifice" map instead of multiple consoles in a row. If you want to use actual console instead of invisible objects then place them exactly on top of each other on the map.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is okay but a little confusing. You should consider rewriting it and move the story up front and the explanation to the bottom. This would give the player the story immediately and draw them in so they will click the 'Accept' button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: The initial task is good with a clear starting point for the first custom map. Be careful assuming the player knows exactly where that entrance is on the new ESD. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
The Lower Decks: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider not using capitalization of words in dialogue like; Deck Six, Team One, Team Two, Environmental Controls, Life Support, Relays, Tubes, etc. when they are not the first word of a sentence.
-The first and second "Replace Battery" task; the generator and other equipment appears to be off the ground by approximately a foot or so.
-The Environmental Controls appear to be slightly off the ground.

The Lower Decks: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Same comment reference to using capitalization of words in dialogue that are not the first word in a sentence.
-The console for the "Restore Power to Transporter" task is slightly off the ground.
-The console for the "Reduce Security Level" task is slightly off the ground.
-The console for the "Activate Console" task appears to be lower in ground than it should be.
-The console for the "Run Diagnostic on Plasma Conversion Sensors" task appears to be off the ground by approximately a foot or so.
-The console for the "Activate Auxiliary Power Grid" task is slightly off the ground.

Battle Bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-There are several tasks that you have the player perform on the bridge which seem unnecessary for a Captain to be performing. I will cover this in detail in the summary above.

Zebron System: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing the response button "Good Do we have anything on the Sacrifice" to read "Good. Do we have anything on the Sacrifice".
-In the dialogue with Captain Cortez she states "Dr. Joluud died three years ago" but the response button says "He did not die seven years ago". Consider correcting the discrepancy.

U.S.S. Sacrifice: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Input Access Codes" tasks; consider using invisible objects to trigger multiple tasks from a single console. I will cover this in more detail in the summary above.

Typhon System: This is a good map design with challenging but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Same comment reference to using capitalization of words in dialogue that are not the first word in a sentence.

Epsilon Station: This is a good map design with challenging but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The first couple of enemy mobs are not tough but fun. The battle following the "Get to the Cargo Bay" task is a little tougher. Consider adding a respawn point in the control room.

Typhon System: This is a good map design with challenging but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Starbase 294: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue and a good wrap up to this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the series so far. I look forward to playing/reviewing more your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 06/29/2014 on forum posting for: "Uprising: Act III - Epsilon" officially unofficial discussion thread.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by councilspectre View Post
I'd like to submit the final part in my series: No Prize for Second Contact

No Prize for Second Contact IV
ID: ST-HPH7UDHU7
Allegiance: Federation
Level: Level 16+
Language: English
Play Time: 1 hour - 1 1/2 hours

Thank you, Evil!
Federation Mission - No Prize for Second Contact IV
Author: councilspectre
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPH7UDHU7

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission and series. The map designs are well done, the battles are challenging but fun, and the story dialogue is excellent. I would recommend this mission and the entire series to all players, although not on Elite level. The battles are more than a challenge on Normal level but of course that is up to you.

I mentioned the use of triggered optional dialogue vice NPC triggered optional dialogue. Unfortunately the Foundry use of NPC triggered optional dialogue remains on the map after the player interacts with them. The only way to make the optional dialogue disappear after the player interacts is to use an invisible object or other object to trigger the optional dialogue. When this method is used you can still keep the dialogue available after it is accessed by the player. This gives you many options in creating optional dialogue. One drawback to using invisible objects for triggered optional dialogue is it will not show on the map display; however with appropriate placement of the invisible objects the dialogue will be triggered as designed. On the "Chapter I, Second Facility" and "Chapter III, Return to Facility Two" maps you use NPC triggered dialogue, which could easily be replaced with triggered dialogue. On the "Chapter VI, Home" map using invisible objects for triggered optional dialogue would work well because the player path is fairly direct. There are tutorials available on Starbase UGC that cover many aspects of mission building and include using invisible objects or other objects to trigger optional dialogue.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue has a good recap of the previous missions and very little to draw the player into clicking the 'Accept' button. Consider moving the recap dialogue to be post player clicking 'Accept'. That would make the mission feel more like an episode. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Chapter I, Second Facility: This is a really well designed map with several challenging battles and excellent story dialogue. I like the optional combat that could be avoided by walking a path around the flashing marks.
-Puzzles are okay. Consider giving the player the option to skip them.
-I like dialogue heavy missions but some players do not. Just as with puzzles you should consider giving the player a "Skip Dialogue" button that provides the player with a summary of the dialogue needed to complete the mission task.
-There is a Tal Shiar Scientist standing on the other side of the reactor in the first chamber. I am sure the animation.
-There were a couple of places you used optional NPC dialogue. Consider using triggered optional dialogue vice NPC triggered dialogue. I will note the maps this is used on and discuss it in detail in the summary.
-The post "Confront Commander Talvev" dialogue; consider changing "I am releving you of command" to read "I am relieving you of command".

Chapter II, Summit: This is good map design with excellent story dialogue. Your method of taking the dialogue in different directions based on the player choices is really well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Chapter III, Return to Facility Two: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. Your carry over method using a code word from the previous map to direct the dialogue on this map is very well done and I enjoyed it. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of NPC optional dialogue vice triggered dialogue.

Chapter IV, Heservat Orbit: This is a good map design with challenging but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Chapter V, Romulan Warbird: This is a good map design with challenging but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-As the player goes to the Beam Out Point there are at least two "Dead Romulan" NPCs that are standing up vice lying down.

Chapter VI, Home: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. Your use of carry over dialogue by using a code word from the previous map to direct the dialogue on this map is very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of NPC optional dialogue vice triggered dialogue.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the entire series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your mission in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 07/02/2014 on forum posting for: No Prize for Second Contact IV.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
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