This thread lacks coffee induced silliness, but due to having to much fun playing STO, i'll just use some slighly old coffee induced silliness
Engineering 501 - Ellif D'Wulf
(or what the academy doesn't teach you about crisis management)
Engineering is a busy hectic job at the best of times, when the ship goes to red alert things can get a lot busier before the words "red alert" fade away. To avoid confusion and possible errors that endanger the ship we've compiled this handy guide
* Turn the music off, for some reason the Bridge never seem to appreciate having the spitting image chicken song or other great hits playing in the background when they ask you for a report.
* Hide the Foosball table, but make sure the score is noted and kept safe for later. Another oddity about the Bridge crew, they don't seem to appreciate the fine art of the sport called Foosball and it's role in the development of solutions to engineering problems (namely, the computer can handle most stuff it's own self)
* Be aware of your appearance at all times, take those few seconds to check your hair and uniform, untidy hair and a disheveled or slightly torn uniform gives an impression of how hard we work down in engineering, we don't want them to think it's all just sitting around playing "spot the pattern in the warp core effect" do we?
* If you should have to talk to the Bridge, be sure to use a raised voice, yes I know the comm system can easily pick up our voices from background noise and clear it up so the bridge can hear us, but it's dramatic and again gives the impression of just how tough it is down here
* Take a lesson from the greatest starfleet engineer of all time, always (and I can't stress this enough) over estimate the time taken to fix something, be prepared for the CO or XO to cut that time in half (so you must make sure your estimate is more than twice the time you need). Likewise never inform the bridge when something is ready if it's before your estimated time, let them ask so you can say "almost done" and then activate it. It's much more impressive that way
* Make sure you know the location of the hidden smoke machines and who's responsible for turning them on, if a Bridge officer wanders down to "help" (stop laughing in the back) we want the place to look dangerous and that we're giving our all here. The same goes for the jars of soot and grease for use on face and hands
* Hide the cookie jar (this applies to non crisis situations as well). Bridge officers will always attempt to "share" our cookies with themselves
With this information you are now ready to be a part of a skilled trained engineering team that can cope with any crisis situation aboard a starship
oh one final note: The Foosball tournament sign up sheet is on the master systems display console, please take the time to sign up