The old saying goes it's not paranoia if they really are out to get you. Well I have a couple new conspiracies I am letting you guys know about.
New Conspiracy 1: Ants and Bees have signed a treaty of alliance against me. Swarms of red ants have appeared in my kitchen necessitating the usage of large amounts of ant-killer traps and sprays to be deployed. This is coupled with a marked uptick in the bee populations. I think there is a nest of some sorts by a tool shed in my backyard that houses a lawnmower left by the people my roommate and I are renting the house from. They are ganging up on me!
New Conspiracy 2: Vampires work at my doctor's office. Today I had some blood work done my allergist suggested my sun, pollen, and cat allergies could be a vitamin deficiency. So they did a blood test. Now I am not a big person, only five foot, two inches, and these guys took like a pint of blood out for a test. How much do they need? Are they drinking the rest? Anyway that made me quite dizzy. I think I am going to take a nap now.
I would like to state for the official record that I have nothing to do with any of these conspiracies. Any resemblance between myself and a conspirator is purely coincidental, and I have no been affiliated in any way with conspirators of any sort. I in no way stirred up ants or bees and the idea that I would put the idea of an alliance against Ravenstein into their heads is preposterous. Anyway, you can't prove it, shut up.
Also, if you weren't a vampire before, you are now. Vampires don't sterilize their needles. Bad for business. Not that I would know anything about that.