The old saying goes it's not paranoia if they really are out to get you. Well I have a couple new conspiracies I am letting you guys know about.

New Conspiracy 1: Ants and Bees have signed a treaty of alliance against me. Swarms of red ants have appeared in my kitchen necessitating the usage of large amounts of ant-killer traps and sprays to be deployed. This is coupled with a marked uptick in the bee populations. I think there is a nest of some sorts by a tool shed in my backyard that houses a lawnmower left by the people my roommate and I are renting the house from. They are ganging up on me!

New Conspiracy 2: Vampires work at my doctor's office. Today I had some blood work done my allergist suggested my sun, pollen, and cat allergies could be a vitamin deficiency. So they did a blood test. Now I am not a big person, only five foot, two inches, and these guys took like a pint of blood out for a test. How much do they need? Are they drinking the rest? Anyway that made me quite dizzy. I think I am going to take a nap now.

I thought you were a vampire...

Agreed. Sun allergy? Please. That's just a cover-up to being a vampire.

All conspiracys are true. Including the one where my coffee wants to kill me.

Yeah I had 5 viles of blood taken. Tried to put on a brave face but the Hospital nurses really really hurt you with the needle. You never feel it at the doctors.

As for the Vampires check to see if they are licking their lips

Has a vision of Raven going out the door and as soon as it closes the Nurses grow huge teeth.

Could be worse, my grandfather is allergic to water. He gets in water for more the ten minutes and he breaks out in hives.

Being allergic to everyday things seems to run in the family.

Yes, water allergies are real.

I never understood those kind of allergies. since most of our body is water how does he live?

Medical science prefers not to delve too deeply into this question, sadly.

If it's a skin reaction, it makes sort-of sense.

I would like to state for the official record that I have nothing to do with any of these conspiracies. Any resemblance between myself and a conspirator is purely coincidental, and I have no been affiliated in any way with conspirators of any sort. I in no way stirred up ants or bees and the idea that I would put the idea of an alliance against Ravenstein into their heads is preposterous. Anyway, you can't prove it, shut up.

Also, if you weren't a vampire before, you are now. Vampires don't sterilize their needles. Bad for business. Not that I would know anything about that.