The details of your story sound oddly like 90% of other Foundry Missions. Take a look at their details and you'll see that. The whole 'random mission turns into anything but', but your title does sound interesting.
I would put a put more of a catch to your details, even without giving away too much of the plot.
If I get a chance sometime today though, I'll give it a run-thru. Maybe when the server is back up.
The best way to get people to try out your missions though is to play one of theirs as well- like a mission exchange. Or just do a trailer!
That's true for sure, Patarival, but their previews always did give a bit away of the plot so that people could know what the unique aspect of the episode would be.
Well, played your mission and liked it.
I'll put a few things you could tweek below, nothing major at all.
1. Put in the starting point into your mission objective. A lot of people read quickly and sometimes don't remember where they're supposed to go. Just put in Veela System in whatever sectorit was.
2. Dialogue told me a group of ship were attacking but I only got one ship. There would only be more if more than one person was playing. Maybe tweek the dialogue on that.
3. It would be nice to actually fly to the planet, or get closer to it before transporting there.
I'll black out theis next one to not have any spoilers.
4. The ending was anticlimactic. Even just having to defend the guy after learning the truth would be good. Or just fighting him strong after taking the last dose. Something. It kinda just felt a little flat.
Thats pretty much it. Again liked it!