Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 71
05-24-2011, 09:59 PM
Thanks for the review! If there are any miss-spellings in particular you remember I'd love the help.

Tafeng only mentioned the Romulan's briefly as possibly being in the area looting, but never really said more or made a fuss. End of his speech he also mentioned and green highlighted the mission door's system and sector block, but it can be added in the mission objective dropdown with the system easily.

After you meet with the captain's woman contact she has a full dialog tree that explained small things such as what the Khitomer's mission was as well as other small details. If you did read that and believe it wasn't explained enough though, I guess that's something I can look into.

Again thanks for the positive review (and for your sensitivity to revealing spoilers in it)!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 72
05-26-2011, 09:28 PM
STARFLEET Level 31+

Fek'Ihri Attack
ST-HQW994SR8
by Sophia

"A distress call originates from the Donatu system. Swordmaster Molar is asking for any assistance he can get to fight back the Fek'Ihri."

Final Rating: 1 Star

Synopsis:
You agree to meet with Molar in the Donatu system. Upon warping in you see his ship is in serious trouble. After destroying the attackers he says; "You will have to head to Qo'noS on your own." What? No! I agreed to meet with you here. I still have no idea why or what's going on.

So you head to Qo'noS. Once there you have to defend traffic control (0/5), then clear the shipyards (0/13) and then defeat reinforcements (0/7). Then you're told it's safe to beam down.

It's more of the same on the ground. Except with the added benefit of the entire place being covered in smoke, making it nearly impossible to see anything the entire time. After finally killing the Fek'Ihri leaders Molar declares that you've fought like a true Klingon (PS: this is a Starfleet mission), and then guarantees you safe passage out of Klingon space. The End.

Problems with the mission: The Donatu system is shown in the Mission Tracker, but the sector block isn't listed.

Fighting the Fek'Ihri in space when you're solo is just tedious. Hit your buffs > start attacking > get hit by Viral Matrix > fire off Engineering Team to clear VM > sit around and do nothing for awhile because the Fek'Ihri ship used Scramble Sensors > finish attacking once SS finally wears off. Having to do that 25 times in a row made me want to start smoking again.

Finally, covering the entire ground map with smoke doesn't help. There's few things that are less fun that not being able to see the game you're playing.

Final Thoughts: This mission is nothing but a kill fest, with no story, no plot and no dialog. That's fine if that's the kind of missions you like to play, but I've been very up front from the very beginning that I'm reviewing stories. That being the case I'm not sure why the author even asked me to review this mission because there's no story here.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 73
05-27-2011, 06:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peregrine_Falcon View Post
Fighting the Fek'Ihri in space when you're solo is just tedious. Hit your buffs > start attacking > get hit by Viral Matrix > fire off Engineering Team to clear VM > sit around and do nothing for awhile because the Fek'Ihri ship used Scramble Sensors > finish attacking once SS finally wears off. Having to do that 25 times in a row made me want to start smoking again.
I'm sorry, but this really isn't anything I can change with the current state of the foundry.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peregrine_Falcon View Post
Finally, covering the entire ground map with smoke doesn't help. There's few things that are less fun that not being able to see the game you're playing.
I didn't cover anything in smoke, this is how the original KDF map looks like. Which I tried to recreate for federation game play.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peregrine_Falcon View Post
This mission is nothing but a kill fest, with no story, no plot and no dialog. That's fine if that's the kind of missions you like to play, but I've been very up front from the very beginning that I'm reviewing stories. That being the case I'm not sure why the author even asked me to review this mission because there's no story here.
I was hoping for hints to improve the story. It seems you didn't even get the intention of portraying an invasion. If you want just talk missions with tons of dialogs you should have said that more clearly.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 74
05-27-2011, 01:36 PM
STARFLEET

Rescue the S.S. Escargot
ST-HGJPS4V9U
by J-Lau

"Pirates and raiders have been spotted in the Vulcan Sector, many of them taking advantage of reduced Starfleet Presence as it diverts more resources towards the Klingon war."

Final Rating: 2 Stars

Synopsis:
You warp into the Kei system and suddenly become aware that you have to defeat raiders (0/2).

Then you beam over to the Escargot to defeat cult members (0/5). Afterward, you rescue some hostages. They relay an unbelievable explanation about the cult, and tell you that the captain is on the bridge.

You clear the bridge of cult members and then speak with Captain Grenoullie. He repeats the same weird story that you can no longer verify since all of the cult members are now dead.

Problems with the mission: A number of capitalization and grammatical errors.

Defeat the cult members? How do I know that cult members are aboard the ship? Shouldn't that have been explained in the... you know... story?

The console that allowed me to go to the bridge was badly placed, it blocked access to another console entirely.

Final Thoughts: The dialog, what there was of it, was quite good. Including the ESD announcement spiel in the Escargot Officer's speech was a neat little easter egg.

Had the cult members' claims been explained, one way or the other, this would be a 3 Star mission - the equivalent of an exploration mission. More than that would require adding a lot more depth to the story, which would also address most of the problems with the mission.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 75
05-27-2011, 02:05 PM
STARFLEET

White Malice
ST-HSPLDKAWL
by AriusDecimus

"It seems that billions of inhabitants have simply, dissapeared... Will you uncover the truth of this mystery, or become just another part of the story as billions already have?"

Final Rating: 3 Stars

Synopsis:
Entering the Malon system, you rendezvous with two Starfleet vessels in orbit. They called you in because someone needs to beam down to the surface and apparently everyone on both of their ships is afraid to.

You beam down into the abandoned capital, and spot a targ that's just standing around. Faint tricorder readings lead you into an underground cavern. You find a cavern filled with the aliens who are unable to move. Their spokesman informs you that they're undergoing a change brought about by a strange lifeform that's invaded their world. The change finally occurs and you have to fight your way out of the caverns through the now crazed aliens. Back on the surface you encounter more of the crazed aliens as you move toward the extraction zone. Once there, you encounter the two captains waiting for you with a number of pattern enhancers, and beam out.

Incoming ships controlled by the lifeform attack. After dealing with them, the Admiral wants you to beam aboard his ship to discuss the situation. UGC contact meets you on the bridge and escorts you into the Admiral's ready room. The discussion ends with the Admiral deciding that you should beam back down and try to find a way to dissuade the creature from killing more people.

Back on the surface again, you finally encounter the creature. It complains about the pain and loneliness and attacks you. After following it around and killing a number of its puppets, you finally persuade it that it isn't necessary to kill. It thanks you and it decides to stop killing.

Once back aboard your ship the Admiral discusses moving the entire population of billions to another world. Apparently it makes more sense to force these people to abandon their homeworld than it does to just kill an irrational creature that murdered thousands, possibly millions of sentient beings.

Problems with the mission: A number of misspellings and grammatical errors.

So there's two Federation starships in orbit around around this planet, but neither of them could investigate this? They had to call me? Are the cowards just afraid to beam down to the surface or what?

Officers on the bridge named "UGC Contact."

Why were Undine Guardians helping Ale'uel's Avatar?

It's never explained what the creature is, where it came from, how it got to the planet, and how it gained control of several warships.

Final Thoughts: Excellent dialog, confusing story. Not really light on combat, as is claimed on the blurb page. This mission should have been 4 stars, but too many little mistakes or things that didn't make sense just piled up.

It's defintely a unique take on a well used story type. With some work this will be a great mission.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 76
05-27-2011, 03:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sophia View Post
I'm sorry, but this really isn't anything I can change with the current state of the foundry.
No, but you could make it a little less tedious by not forcing the player to fight 27 separate groups of them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sophia
I didn't cover anything in smoke, this is how the original KDF map looks like. Which I tried to recreate for federation game play.
There are maps of Qo'noS that aren't filled with smoke. I know, because I've been in some of them in the Foundry. How many players want to play a game that they can't see?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sophia
I was hoping for hints to improve the story. It seems you didn't even get the intention of portraying an invasion. If you want just talk missions with tons of dialogs you should have said that more clearly.
I completely understood that this was supposed to be an invasion. I just don't understand why I have to fight off the entire invading fleet all by myself. Qo'noS is the capital system of a interstellar nation that is at war. It should be the most heavily defended system in the entire Empire. It simply makes no sense that a Fek'Ihri fleet could take out the entire Klingon fleet. And if they could then my lone ship shouldn't be able to do anything about it.

As for hints to improve the story, as I said, there is no story. I show up and am never told why Molar wanted to speak with me in the first place, nor why my ship is the only one that can save Qo'noS. Nor am I even told why I want to save Qo'noS. The Federation is at war with the Empire. As a Starfleet officer I shouldn't want to save them. A good story could make the case for why I should, but there wasn't any explanation at all.

I'm here to review the story that you've written, not to help you write it.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 77
05-29-2011, 12:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peregrine_Falcon View Post


I'm here to review the story that you've written, not to help you write it.
Oh come on PF. She has a cute Avatar. you have to give her an extra star for that


Anyway, I'd be happy to give some story ideas if you are receptive to them. Heaven knows I'm always happy to loudly give my opinions to whoever will listen anyway.


PF does have a point about the fight taking place on qo'nos though. If I were you I would move the battle to a Federation colony near Klingon Space. It would make more sense for your ship to be there and Not be such a leap of logic to think one ship could maybe deal with the threat, at least in STO terms. The other bonus to moving the location would be you wouldn't need to change the mission very much. Just a name change and maybe a map change.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 78
05-29-2011, 12:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sophia
I'm sorry, but this really isn't anything I can change with the current state of the foundry.

I didn't cover anything in smoke, this is how the original KDF map looks like. Which I tried to recreate for federation game play.

I was hoping for hints to improve the story. It seems you didn't even get the intention of portraying an invasion. If you want just talk missions with tons of dialogs you should have said that more clearly.
While you break fights up into groups, you still maxed out the enemy encounters on maps.

You can can dialogue choices, even puzzles now, with the advanced dialogue editor.

I would:
  • Tone down the number of mobs
  • Add some more dialogue justifying some of the groups
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 79
05-29-2011, 02:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Darren_Kitlor
While you break fights up into groups, you still maxed out the enemy encounters on maps.

You can can dialogue choices, even puzzles now, with the advanced dialogue editor.

I would:
  • Tone down the number of mobs
  • Add some more dialogue justifying some of the groups
I would... start a new mission from scratch... To be honest.

All the added value it gives is an excuse to kill Feks, so the Feds get another Accolade they wouldn't otherwise.
Considering the fact that I got six accolades in two missions doing almost nothing playing a Fed char, I think it is an unnecessary effort.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 80
05-29-2011, 03:19 PM
STARFLEET Level 31+

Memory Lane
ST-HETTHJ7NH
by Bazag

"While transporting a Bajoran orb from Deep Space 9 to Vulcan your ship is assaulted by True Way forces."

Final Rating: 4 Stars

Synopsis:
You beam aboard Deep Space 9 and meet with Admiral Talar in Cargo Bay 4. He informs you that you're to transport him, and the Orb in his custody, to Vulcan for examination by the Vulcan Science Academy.

Once back aboard your ship, the Admiral speaks with you about the Orb and his intent to secure it in a holodeck program designed to make it impossible to find. Later your ship is intercepted by ships manned by True Way terrorists who demand that you surrender the Orb to them.

After defeating them the Admiral calls and you head to the holodeck. He's wounded and explains that Cardassians somehow showed up and took the Orb. While treating him you find that the holodeck refuses to be shut off. You decide to search for the Orb and encounter the Admiral as a young man on Bajor. He's with his fellow resistance fighters planning an attack on a nearby Cardassian base. It appears that they're reenacting a major event in the Admiral's life and he speculates that the Orb may have something to do with this.

You join the resistance for their attack on the Cadassian military base. After penetrating the exterior defenses and planting bombs, you enter the HQ building and assassinate the CO. Back outside you avoid the massive reinforcements that have arrived and blow the charges which destroys the base.

The memory jumps forward and you're back in the caverns with the surviving resistance fighters. After helping the Admiral deal with the death of his father you cut through more Cardassian soldiers and finally find the exit.

Once you've escaped the holodeck the Admiral is able to shut it off and pack the Orb back in its crate. After reporting the incident to Starfleet you receive orders to return the Orb to Deep Space 9 where it will be safe.

Problems with the mission: The space battle makes no sense. First the friggates attack, then the cruisers attack, then the Battleship, commanded by the boss, attacks. Attacking piecemeal like that is not only a perfect example of how to lose all of your ships, but it really felt very 8-bit video game-ish. Once I disabled the "boss ship" I was expecting some one to yell out; "Finish him!"

Yeah, I know that the developers do this in a lot of exploration missions too. Just because they've done it in their own missions doesn't make it any less nonsensical.

The ground was also way too combat heavy. Since this story is about the Admiral, and his past, it really could have been told without my having to kill 100+ Cardassian soldiers.

Final Thoughts: This is an excellent story. You get to find out a lot about Admiral Talar and his past, which makes this mission mostly about character development. There's also tons of dialog options allow you to learn as much, or as little, about the Admiral and the mission as you like. That's a lot of work!

The author also did an excellent job covering up the fact that NPC contacts can't walk anywhere.

The biggest problem that I have was that this was yet another "holodeck episode" I really think that the Orb could have accomplished what it did without using the holodeck. And I personally hate "holodeck episodes" almost as much as I hate time travel. But I can't very well argue that either of those things aren't Trek, now can I?
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