Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 91
06-01-2011, 08:15 PM
STARFLEET

Franklin Drake Must Die
ST-HJPILABJJ
by syberghost

"Admiral Johnson needs your help to stop a rogue Section 31 agent from altering the timeline for unknown ends."

Final Rating: 4 Stars

Synopsis:
You meet with Admiral Johnson in his office on Starbase 39. He briefs you on the situation. A Starfleet officer has gone back in time, without authorization, and he must be stopped.

You head to Korvat, where the time rift is. You're able to stealth past a number of Klingon patrols in the system, only having to engage the ships that are loitering directly beside the rift. After making the correct calculations, you enter the rift.

Upon arrival you scan for, and find, the runabout taken by the time traveler. You tractor the empty runabout into your hangar bay, and find the beam down point on the planet's surface in its computer.

Beaming down to the planet you avoid several patrols of Klingon soldiers and you find the Traveler. You inform him that he's under arrest and he explains that he's here to stop another time traveler from assassinating a Starfleet officer and changing the course of history. However, he's injured and has lost his tools.

After dealing with his attackers, and recovering his tools, you help him to break into the base where the assassin has captured his target. You fight your way through his soldiers, take down the assassin, and rescue the Starfleet officer.

After everyone is beamed up you return the Starfleet officer to his ship in this time, and then head for the time rift. You sabotage a nearby satellite to lure away the Klingon vessels patrolling the rift and then you head through it and back to your own time.

Once there you're informed that the Traveler has left the ship in his runabout. He manages to escape, and you report in to Admiral Johnson.

Problems with the mission: Two minor plot holes:

1) Considering the situation, why didn't the Traveler simply ask for, and receive, permission to go back in time to fix the situation?

2) The assassin captured his target. Why didn't he just kill the target and then leave? That was his stated goal.

Final Thoughts: While there were a lot of enemies present, both in space and on the ground, in most cases killing them wasn't required to advance the mission. This gives the player control of how to handle the mission. Allowing for either stealth or as much combat as the player desires. A welcome and refreshing change from the usual "Kill (0/5)" followed by the inevitable "Kill the Reinforcements (0/3)"!

The dialog was amazing. The Admiral actually spoke like a Flag Officer, and the options presented in the dialog allowed my Captain to actually make decisions, instead of being bossed around by his bridge officers.

If the author fleshes out the Starfleet officer's story a bit more, and addresses the plot holes, this mission could easily qualify for 5 stars.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 92
06-01-2011, 09:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MustrumRidcully View Post
But it might be a good idea to have the first post contain links to previous threads.
The first post of this thread has a link to my first review thread. The second post has a link to all of the reviews that I've done in this thread. I just updated it.


And I've just posted my last review. As I've said, I'm taking a break from reviewing, but I might start up again sometime after Season 4 goes live, depending on how my schedule is.

I find it very fitting that my last review be that of a mission authored by my old IRC nemesis, syberghost. He did an excellent job. If you're looking to make your first mission you could certainly do worse than to use his mission as an example.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 93
06-02-2011, 06:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peregrine_Falcon View Post
I find it very fitting that my last review be that of a mission authored by my old IRC nemesis, syberghost. He did an excellent job. If you're looking to make your first mission you could certainly do worse than to use his mission as an example.
I knew that despite our differences, I'd get an honest review, for good or bad.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 94
06-06-2011, 04:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peregrine_Falcon View Post
STARFLEET Level 31+

A Day For The Assassin
ST-HNDDNZF3B
by Kuhr

"A Ferengi is selling infected Romulan Ale to different Romulan Colonies that have settled on asteroids due to the Hobus Event that destroyed their homeworld."

Final Rating: 1 Star

Synopsis:
You warp into the system with orders to find and arrest the Ferengi trader that's been selling contaminated Ale. As you approach the colony you're contacted by its governor, Laris.

After you brief her on the situation, and inform her of your orders, she loses her marbles and decides that it's all a plot by the evil Federation to deprive her and her people of their precious booze. Upon informing Starfleet Command of her demands, they decide to honor her wishes and order you to observe and monitor, but not arrest, the Ferengi trader.

You beam down to the Romulan colony, and are met in the cargo bay by Laris and six people who all share the name of 'UGC Contact'. She explains that Starfleet has contacted her, so she's decided to allow to speak to the Ferengi and observe the testing of the Ale.

After beaming to another part of the asteroid you're allowed to speak to Lais and several other Romulan officers, and then you beam to another part of the station. Once there Lais tells you that they've tested the Ale and it's fine, but it's obvious that she's lying, and she refuses to allow you to take a sample to be tested. Another Romulan warns you to watch out for the Ferengi trader as he has a reputation for vengeance.

Once back aboard your ship you encounter the Ferengi trader who demands payment. You inform him that Lais has the Ale but has decided not to pay him. He starts spouting threats, but a distress call brings you back to the Romulan asteroid colony, which is being attacked by Klingons. You destroy all of the Klingon ships and then receive word that Zog's forces are invading the colony. End of part one.

Problems with the mission: The mission door was not shown in the Mission Tracker.

A lot of misspellings, and there, their, your, you're, were and we're are different words with different meanings. Also, it's making not makeing.

Why are the Romulan ships that you see when you first warp in labeled 'Alien Cruiser'?

When I flew over the Romulan asteroid colony I didn't get the beam down prompt, I had to fly under it and very close before I got the chance to beam down. The trigger volume needs to be expanded.

Lais' party are all named 'UGC Contact'.

What? I'm going to be a test subject for their new transporter? No way I'd ever agree to that.

My servants? Now he's just being a jerk. He knows they're officers aboard my ship.

And, the nebula static effect? Why?

Final Thoughts: The text was a mess of misspelled or incorrectly used words. The dialog often made little sense. The Federation has helped these people to found a colony, and survive. Why Lais goes off of the deep end and decides that my mission is some kind of evil conspiracy by the Federation just makes no sense. And her refusal to take a minute and just test the Ale makes even less sense.

There's very little story here and it ends with very little plot advancement. I realize that this is a 'part one', but even so it should have some explanations given and some plot lines closed. Otherwise the mission ends up feeling like it was just abruptly stopped mid-story. Which is exactly how this mission felt.
Thanks for the review. I will work on all the suggestions.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 95
06-06-2011, 07:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peregrine_Falcon View Post
STARFLEET

Rescue the S.S. Escargot
ST-HGJPS4V9U
by J-Lau

"Pirates and raiders have been spotted in the Vulcan Sector, many of them taking advantage of reduced Starfleet Presence as it diverts more resources towards the Klingon war."

Final Rating: 2 Stars

Synopsis:
You warp into the Kei system and suddenly become aware that you have to defeat raiders (0/2).

Then you beam over to the Escargot to defeat cult members (0/5). Afterward, you rescue some hostages. They relay an unbelievable explanation about the cult, and tell you that the captain is on the bridge.

You clear the bridge of cult members and then speak with Captain Grenoullie. He repeats the same weird story that you can no longer verify since all of the cult members are now dead.

Problems with the mission: A number of capitalization and grammatical errors.

Defeat the cult members? How do I know that cult members are aboard the ship? Shouldn't that have been explained in the... you know... story?

The console that allowed me to go to the bridge was badly placed, it blocked access to another console entirely.

Final Thoughts: The dialog, what there was of it, was quite good. Including the ESD announcement spiel in the Escargot Officer's speech was a neat little easter egg.

Had the cult members' claims been explained, one way or the other, this would be a 3 Star mission - the equivalent of an exploration mission. More than that would require adding a lot more depth to the story, which would also address most of the problems with the mission.
Peregrine- Thanks for reviewing, I've made some adjustments so hopefully it's at least alittle better.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 96
06-10-2011, 06:49 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peregrine_Falcon View Post
STARFLEET

White Malice
ST-HSPLDKAWL
by AriusDecimus

"It seems that billions of inhabitants have simply, dissapeared... Will you uncover the truth of this mystery, or become just another part of the story as billions already have?"

Final Rating: 3 Stars

Synopsis:
Entering the Malon system, you rendezvous with two Starfleet vessels in orbit. They called you in because someone needs to beam down to the surface and apparently everyone on both of their ships is afraid to.

You beam down into the abandoned capital, and spot a targ that's just standing around. Faint tricorder readings lead you into an underground cavern. You find a cavern filled with the aliens who are unable to move. Their spokesman informs you that they're undergoing a change brought about by a strange lifeform that's invaded their world. The change finally occurs and you have to fight your way out of the caverns through the now crazed aliens. Back on the surface you encounter more of the crazed aliens as you move toward the extraction zone. Once there, you encounter the two captains waiting for you with a number of pattern enhancers, and beam out.

Incoming ships controlled by the lifeform attack. After dealing with them, the Admiral wants you to beam aboard his ship to discuss the situation. UGC contact meets you on the bridge and escorts you into the Admiral's ready room. The discussion ends with the Admiral deciding that you should beam back down and try to find a way to dissuade the creature from killing more people.

Back on the surface again, you finally encounter the creature. It complains about the pain and loneliness and attacks you. After following it around and killing a number of its puppets, you finally persuade it that it isn't necessary to kill. It thanks you and it decides to stop killing.

Once back aboard your ship the Admiral discusses moving the entire population of billions to another world. Apparently it makes more sense to force these people to abandon their homeworld than it does to just kill an irrational creature that murdered thousands, possibly millions of sentient beings.

The majority of the population was killed, there were only a few survivors scattered in caverns across the planet. They are a desert-dwelling species as I pointed out in the caverns, they cannot live on a planet that never stops snowing.

Problems with the mission: A number of misspellings and grammatical errors.

So there's two Federation starships in orbit around around this planet, but neither of them could investigate this? They had to call me? Are the cowards just afraid to beam down to the surface or what?

I really do need to explain things more, thanks for this piece in specific.

Officers on the bridge named "UGC Contact."

For some ODD reason, when I was making the bridge in the editors, random glitches kept popping up. I fixed a lot of things, and I know how to normally solve the UGC CONTACT issue, but it simply didn't work I suppose.

Why were Undine Guardians helping Ale'uel's Avatar?

For some reason the editor didn't keep the costume I gave Ale'uel's henchmen. I really don't know why.

It's never explained what the creature is, where it came from, how it got to the planet, and how it gained control of several warships.

That was completely intentional, the stories that stay with you the longest, are the ones which you don't completely understand.

Final Thoughts: Excellent dialog, confusing story. Not really light on combat, as is claimed on the blurb page. This mission should have been 4 stars, but too many little mistakes or things that didn't make sense just piled up.

It's defintely a unique take on a well used story type. With some work this will be a great mission.
In the above quote I added a couple replies, explaining a few things.

Thank you sir, for your honest criticism. I hope that I can use it to in the future, make a piece truly worthy of "Citizen Cane with Phasers".
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 97
06-13-2011, 05:03 AM
Hey Peregrine_Falcon,

you once said that you are "willing" *koff* to check out german missions too, is this still an option?

Greetings

Rev
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 98
06-18-2011, 12:55 AM
Hope you're enjoying your break, PF, hoping for to the reviews to return after S4. Take your time tho.

(Ignore previous message, I'm a spazz and shouldn't post things at 3 am, I'm not observant enough)
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