Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Well, since my last mission got deleted due to my own error (misunderstood how things work upon import :& )

I took a few hours to come up with a fresh story and put all my current foundry tricks into it




Name: Alpha And Omega - The Prologue
Length: 10-15 mins
Difficulty: Not hard, but don't stick around for the ambush
Start: Deep space K-7, Eta Eridani Sector Block

I know it's not much but i'm pretty satisfitied with what i've been able to produce in about 4 hours (tested it solo and duo, everything seems to work fine)

A few notes:

This mission is meant to be a prologue.

It only introduces the situation in which you find yourself in the 2nd mission

It therefore only takes about 10 minutes to complete if you read all the text but i hope you find the story compelling enough for you to test out my later, 1 hour missions which i will complete over the course of weeks

I'd greatly appreciate any and all constructive feedback, any tips you may have regarding what i could have done better and any suggestions towards where the story should go
---

Features:

A completely new race, never before heard of in the Federation - Possibly as dangerous as the Borg or the Undine, or possibly a new ally? or perhaps neither (they will be more fully introduced in the episodes, in the prologue you merely get to see their battlecry )




V1.1:

Remodeled the ending, getting the interference to dissipate may be difficult for some and i decided to remove it automatically
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
09-06-2011, 03:35 PM
My second mission and the real first long-length mission is well under way and it will be big :p

i intend to make it about and hour and a half long or make 2 45mins-1hour long episodes with a lot of fast-paced battles and a developing story that i hope will draw u right in

teaser:

After the battle of Alpha Zarini 9, Your ship was destroyed and You were forced to abandon ship

You and some of Your officers have been stuck in the wildreness for several days when You detect a starfleet distress signal being transmitted within a few miles of Your position.

As You move in to investigate, you find a camp that's about to unveil the misteries of the Zarinians. You will also meet... The Z, a KDF commander, known for his subtle, but cruel methods and You will fight not only for Your life, but for the life of those who serve under You.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
09-09-2011, 10:46 PM
Unable to find your mission in the database. Did you withdraw it? Would like to play and review it for you.

Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
09-10-2011, 02:24 AM
it's under community authored, no longer under content review

name: Alpha And Omega - The Prologue
code: ST - HJ98FSVTW


note:
it's also been updated a lot, due to an unforseen bug with lighting so if u played at it's release, it's quite different now
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
I found it. I originally looked in the "Community Authored" section but didn't see it. Of course it as late at night for me and I might have spelled it wrong or perhaps it was still under the "Review Content" section at that time. Not sure but at this point it doesn't matter since I found it.

DISCLAIMER: Before you read the review I want to make it very clear I really liked the mission and the content of my report reflects that along with my suggested improvements or corrections.

--------Report---------

ST - HJ98FSVTW

Grant Mission Dialog: Very detailed information in the grant mission dialog. However I look to the mission description for this information and the grant mission dialog as part of the story. I would suggest moving the description of the mission you wrote to the mission details window. Then make the grant mission dialog part of the story. For example; "Admiral Brahms has ordered us to Deep Space K7", and so on. By putting all the information in the grant mission dialog it took some of the surprise out of the “trap” you sprung later in the story.

Mission Task: Even though you put "Go to Deep Space K7" in the mission statement you should make it part of the task. For example; "Meet the attack force at Deep Space K7” or something to that affect. This will help players when heading to a start location and also when in the mission.

Mission Entry Prompt: Good job in the map entry dialog write up. One thing; "fieldtest" should be two words.

Alpha Zarini 9: Great concept. However in my opinion the fog of war effect doesn't really contribute to the story or mission and is more annoying than intriguing. The Admiral refers to a distress call. I suggest adding a dialog box prior to his orders to continue with the mission.

Alpha Zarini 9 - Decoy Trap: Good map design and writing. I liked the premise and set up. It is very intense and I like that in a mission. There was a little execution problem with the “Escape” task. I had to leave the reach point marker and then re-enter to get it to trigger my escape and end the mission. I think the issue was I was already inside the reach marker when it executed and it didn’t trigger because I was already in it when it appeared. I’ve seen this same thing in other work including my own. I am sure that it is a limitation of the Foundry and nothing you did. The only work around I have found works is to move the reach point slightly further away or shrink it so it doesn’t encompass the likely location of the player when executed. Great work!

Summary: It's a good start to your series. Very intriguing and I like the premise. You did a good job developing the overall story. In my opinion it had just the right balance of dialog and action. Of course I don’t mind reading dialog as long as it adds to the story. Yours did just that. I am looking forward to playing the follow on missions in the series and seeing where the story goes. Great work and thanks for authoring.

----------End Report--------

Thanks,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
09-10-2011, 09:22 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
I found it. I originally looked in the "Community Authored" section but didn't see it. Of course it as late at night for me and I might have spelled it wrong or perhaps it was still under the "Review Content" section at that time. Not sure but at this point it doesn't matter since I found it.

DISCLAIMER: Before you read the review I want to make it very clear I really liked the mission and the content of my report reflects that along with my suggested improvements or corrections.

--------Report---------

ST - HJ98FSVTW

Grant Mission Dialog: Very detailed information in the grant mission dialog. However I look to the mission description for this information and the grant mission dialog as part of the story. I would suggest moving the description of the mission you wrote to the mission details window. Then make the grant mission dialog part of the story. For example; "Admiral Brahms has ordered us to Deep Space K7", and so on. By putting all the information in the grant mission dialog it took some of the surprise out of the “trap” you sprung later in the story.

Mission Task: Even though you put "Go to Deep Space K7" in the mission statement you should make it part of the task. For example; "Meet the attack force at Deep Space K7” or something to that affect. This will help players when heading to a start location and also when in the mission.

Mission Entry Prompt: Good job in the map entry dialog write up. One thing; "fieldtest" should be two words.

Alpha Zarini 9: Great concept. However in my opinion the fog of war effect doesn't really contribute to the story or mission and is more annoying than intriguing. The Admiral refers to a distress call. I suggest adding a dialog box prior to his orders to continue with the mission.

Alpha Zarini 9 - Decoy Trap: Good map design and writing. I liked the premise and set up. It is very intense and I like that in a mission. There was a little execution problem with the “Escape” task. I had to leave the reach point marker and then re-enter to get it to trigger my escape and end the mission. I think the issue was I was already inside the reach marker when it executed and it didn’t trigger because I was already in it when it appeared. I’ve seen this same thing in other work including my own. I am sure that it is a limitation of the Foundry and nothing you did. The only work around I have found works is to move the reach point slightly further away or shrink it so it doesn’t encompass the likely location of the player when executed. Great work!

Summary: It's a good start to your series. Very intriguing and I like the premise. You did a good job developing the overall story. In my opinion it had just the right balance of dialog and action. Of course I don’t mind reading dialog as long as it adds to the story. Yours did just that. I am looking forward to playing the follow on missions in the series and seeing where the story goes. Great work and thanks for authoring.

----------End Report--------

Thanks,
Brian
Grant mission dialog:

it's as long as it can be, the map transition dialog is also just 5 characters from maxe length, so i rly can't make it any more detailed (i had more but had to rly shrink it to fit)
--
i'll correct the spellings :p
--
as for the fog of war, fixed now
---
the rest of the feedback is RLY helpful, small fixes that will help it make it feel natural
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 7 Follow up
09-10-2011, 10:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mazimer
Grant mission dialog:

it's as long as it can be, the map transition dialog is also just 5 characters from maxe length, so i rly can't make it any more detailed (i had more but had to rly shrink it to fit)
Sorry I wasn't clear regarding this part. What I meant was that what you currently have as a Grant Mission Dialog should actually be in the mission description and not the dialog. You can edit the information in the description to be a more precise description of the mission overall.

As for the Grant Mission Dialog, it should center on the story itself. In other words use it to draw the player in. The examples I used in my report would be a good place to start. Include the task start location that you currently have in the dialog.

As for the spelling errors, I’ve seen far worse.

Hope this clarifies my report. Again I look forward to seeing where you take the series. Good luck and thanks for authoring.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 8
09-10-2011, 11:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
Sorry I wasn't clear regarding this part. What I meant was that what you currently have as a Grant Mission Dialog should actually be in the mission description and not the dialog. You can edit the information in the description to be a more precise description of the mission overall.

As for the Grant Mission Dialog, it should center on the story itself. In other words use it to draw the player in. The examples I used in my report would be a good place to start. Include the task start location that you currently have in the dialog.

As for the spelling errors, I’ve seen far worse.

Hope this clarifies my report. Again I look forward to seeing where you take the series. Good luck and thanks for authoring.
well, the muddy effect is gone now and i've modified the last part so it shouldn't get stuck anymore

i hope u find the time to replay the first + play the 2nd mission (which i'll likely release tommorow)
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