Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Hi,

As a Foundry mission author I know how much help it can be to have an outside evaluator give a fair and in depth critique of a mission. Currently I have recorded more than 20 of these reports for various forum entries here. In addition I have played and provided rating and short feedback reports on more than 40 community authored missions. Basically it never hurts to have another set of eyes look at your work. With that thought in mind I would like to offer you a fair and in depth mission evaluation report.

Some of the information you’ll need to provide me for the evaluation;

Mission Name: (Your Mission Title)
Author: (Your STO Site Name)
Minimum Level: (16+ or above)
Allegiance: (Federation/Klingon)
Project ID: ST-(ID Number)
Estimated Mission Length: (Time to complete)
Method of Report Delivery: (Forum Post/In Game email)

Once I acknowledge your report request I will immediately evaluate it and can provide the feedback in this posting or via in game email. Other methods may be available provided the requested method does not violate STO Term of Use Agreements.

A sample of the evaluation report is provided below;

---------- Example---------

(Allegiance) Mission - (Title)
Author: (Your Name)
Allegiance:
ST - (ID NUMBER)

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: I will provide an overall summary of the mission here.

Mission Description: I will provide an in depth evaluation and recommendations as needed.

Grant Mission Dialog: I will provide an in depth evaluation and recommendations as needed.

Mission Task: I will provide an in depth evaluation and recommendations as needed.

Mission Entry Prompt: I will provide an in depth evaluation and recommendations as needed.

MAPS:
YOUR MAP NAMES HERE: I will provide an in depth evaluation of each map design, playability and story dialog to include spelling and grammatical analysis.

---------End Report----------

I look forward to evaluating your missions.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
10-17-2011, 06:57 AM
It looks like my mission has gathered a fair amount of attention at this point, so I don't know if any more promotion is absolutely necessary, but it never hurts to get more feedback. So I'll submit my mission for your consideration, with the caveat that it's a very text heavy mission, and also pretty long. Ok, maybe it's very long? If that's not your cup of tea, don't feel obligated to play through it. Also, if you get any other requests, please feel free to give them priority.

Mission Name: Dereliction Duty
Author: Nagorak
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HAKXYCH4Y
Estimated Mission Length: 1-3 hours (highly variable depending on the optional dialogue)
Method of Report Delivery: Forum (I can handle the criticism)

Full forum post can be accessed by hitting the banner in my signature.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
10-17-2011, 05:05 PM
I'll take a look this evening.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nagorak View Post
Mission Name: Dereliction Duty
Author: Nagorak
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HAKXYCH4Y
Estimated Mission Length: 1-3 hours (highly variable depending on the optional dialogue)
Method of Report Delivery: Forum (I can handle the criticism)
Federation Mission - Dereliction Duty
Author: Nagorak
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HAKXYCH4Y

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This was one of the best missions I’ve played from the Foundry. Your use of space, objects and effects was phenomenal. The overall feel of each map along with the story dialog simply reached out and grabbed me. I hardly noticed how long I’d been playing. The characters you developed for this story where memorable as well as entertaining. I look forward to playing the follow up mission to see what will happen next. Simply put I loved your work!

Below are a few observations/recommendations for each phase of the mission including the maps.

Mission Description: Good description of both the details regarding length of the mission and the mission itself. This is a personal preference but I would put the actual description of the mission to be played up front with the length and other details at the end. Again that is my personal preference and has no bearing on how I feel about the mission as a whole.

Grant Mission Dialog: The dialog for both the grant mission and the subsequent dialog were very well done. It is the first thing that draws the player into the mission and this definitely did that for me.

Mission Task: Your inclusion of the location with the Map Text is quite good.

Mission Entry Prompt: Great dialog, perhaps change the button response to something more in line with the dialog. Some suggestions I have, "On my way", or "Entering the Draylon System now".

MAPS:
Draylonic Nebula: Great map design and very well written dialog. No spelling or grammatical errors found. Below are a few observations/recommendations for the dialog and/or map.
- Initial post entry dialog is good but I would suggest changing the button response to "Acknowledged" or something along those lines.
- The “Scan Strange Asteroid” dialog is good however as above I would suggest changing the button to "Acknowledged" or something along those lines that a Captain might say to a Bridge Officer.
- The “In Depth Scan” dialog is excellent. Even though this is optional dialog it is quite well written. As before the only thing I would suggest is making some of the button responses more like the Captain to a Bridge Officer.
- From this point forward I will not note the button responses unless I see a real problem with one.
- I really liked the entire optional dialog regarding the “Strange Asteroid”.
- Ship summary report contains a lot of detailed information that serves to draw me into the story. Of course I like a good detailed story. I know others will appreciate the skip dialog button as I’ve used those too and they seem popular from time to time.

U.S.S. Atlas Deck 13: Excellent map design and fantastic dialog. No spelling or grammatical errors found. Below are a few observations/recommendations for the dialog and/or map.
- One minor glitch I came across. Three out of four Bridge Officers get stuck in the ceiling of the passageway outside the transporter room. I think the issue was I paused as I went through the door and the bridge officers began to jump as they do to position themselves and got stuck. I don’t think there is anything you can do about this as it is a limitation when constructing custom maps. After trying several different maneuvers to get them free I exited the mission and reentered. Then I proceeded directly through the door of the transporter room into the hall without incident.
- I love the questioning from ***ami, it was very well done and the choices are well thought out. Once the briefing begins the Skip dialog button made me laugh out load. I didn’t click it but I loved it.

Interstellar Space: The entire warp through space effect looks great and I am glad you added the tip in the initial dialog. Although I knew I wasn’t moving to continue the mission not everyone would get that. The go to and drop from warp sequences along with the appearance of the objects was very well choreographed. No spelling or grammatical errors found. Below are a few observations/recommendations for the dialog and/or map.

Reid System: Again the warp sequence along with the drop from warp and appearance of the objects is very well done. The entire map design and dialog was outstanding. I really liked the “Easy Rider” dialog and the “Borg Queen” dialog made me laugh out loud. No spelling or grammatical errors found. Below are a few observations/recommendations for the dialog and/or map.
- The Binar code was great. Good work.
- As previously recommended the freighters are labeled as “Objects”. Perhaps give them the ships name or label them “derelict freighter” or something along those lines.
- From this point forward I will not note the objects labeling unless I see a real problem with one.
- I noted the ship that appears in a couple of the dialog windows is usually a Federation starship of one type or another. I would assume this is a limitation of the Foundry images available to use for this purpose.

Reid System, Planet X: The map design and dialog are excellent. You have mastered the skill of space utilization with your map design. No spelling or grammatical errors found. Below are a few observations/recommendations for the dialog and/or map.
- The dialog of the final dialog of the Ferrengi ships triggered after I went to warp. Was that intentional?

Pel Hosi Minor System: Simply a great map and use of space to drive the story. This was a good wrap up to the story. No spelling or grammatical errors found. Below are a few observations/recommendations for the dialog and/or map.
- The last dialog window in the questions for Gul Modran appears to be from Captain Ujarka but Gul Modran appears in the window.
- The choice of the Distress signal remains up even after the engagement of the Orion’s. Was this a ruse that leads to the attack?

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring. You did a great job and I truly look forward to playing the sequel.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
10-18-2011, 03:04 AM
Hey there!

Thanks for your service. I'm still working on part 2 of my series. I am almost finsihed and I'm kind of waiting for one if my hands to heal to complete it.
I would be glad if you could give me a report about my part 1 so I have some more feedback. It's a rather old mission, though and doesn't use all features the Foundry has now.

Here it is:

Mission Name: ST-SSR, E01: "Black Boxes"
Author: Patarival
Minimum Level: 31+ (Captain)
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HSQZVQPI2
Estimated Mission Length: hard to say ... maybe 30 minutes?
Method of Report Delivery: Forum, please

Thanks a lot!

PS: English is not my first language. I apologize for typos and grammar mistakes.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
10-18-2011, 04:43 AM
I Would be honored if you could give my series a look as well. The final episode is in the construction phase and waiting to see if the bugs have been sorted out prior to publishing. Hopefully when it is ready I will be able to publish without any issues. Thanks for the service you do. Capt.PFDennis is a good friend and recommended I send you these, plus you were dead on with his Class Dismissed series. It is one of my favorite series. Forum Reports are fine as far as report delivery. I realized I don't have the ID #'s at the time I am posting this, but they are very easy to find missions in the main group under Top-Rated or search under my name.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Spawn of Medusa

"A new enemy, an unlikely ally, and a quadrant in peril."


* Spawn of Medusa
* Duke-of-Rock
* Any Level
* Federation
* Mission time: Approx. 1 hour
* Starting Location: Seedea System - Pi Canis Sector Block
* Easy Trek Trivia Puzzles in unlikely locations. (For newer players)
* Space and Ground Battles


Spawn of Medusa II - (Part II - Daughters of Medusa)

Part II is a strong story driven sequel to Spawn of Medusa. Learn more about the history of this new enemy to the alpha quadrant and beyond. Learn the truth of the Klingon link to the Medusik past.


* Spawn of Medusa II
* Duke-of-Rock
* Level: 16+
* Federation
* Mission time: Approx. 1 hour
* Starting Location: Wall Console Outside Main Transporter Room on Earth Space Dock (ESD).
* Medium Level Code-Driven Puzzles
* Space-Driven Battle
* Strong Storyline
* Unique Mission Within a Mission Objectives


Spawn of Medusa III - ( Part 3 - Break from Tradition )

With the Klingons losing ground to the Medusas and Medusa Hajora gaining ground in the outer edges of the Federation, Join Admiral Fedrikson on Sierra Outpost II and try to gain allies from a delegation of Federation enemies. The time to act is now or all may soon be lost.

* Spawn of Medusa III
* Duke-of-Rock
* Level: 16+
* Federation
* Mission time: Approx. 1 hour
* Starting Location: Sierra Outpost System - Alpha Centauri Sector Block
* Space and Ground Battles
* Prime Numbers Puzzle
* Dialogue Rich Storyline.


Spawn of Medusa IV - (Part IV - The Awakening)

"As you prepare for a scientific commission to join you on Julip Prime to study the ruins recently discovered, you are hailed by Admiral Fedrikson and ordered to immediately divert to the newly rebuilt Argus Array. It has been monitoring the Medusik's fleet movements and has stopped transmitting. Who and what you find will lead you on an unexpected adventure to solve one of Earth's greatest mysteries and prepare you for the final showdown rapidly approaching with a new ally against the evil Medusa Frow and her remaining 5 daughters."


* Spawn of Medusa IV
* Duke-of-Rock
* Level: 16+
* Federation
* Starting Location: Wall Console Outside Main Transporter Room on Earth Space Dock (ESD).
* Mission Time: A little over an hour in length
* Heavy Story Driven Mission with Diplomatic Implications.
* Medium Difficulty Coded puzzle.
* Very Little Combat.
* Unique Maps and locations.


http://starbaseugc.com/index.php/unc...the-awakening/
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 7
10-18-2011, 03:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patarival View Post
Hey there!

Thanks for your service. I'm still working on part 2 of my series. I am almost finsihed and I'm kind of waiting for one if my hands to heal to complete it.
I would be glad if you could give me a report about my part 1 so I have some more feedback. It's a rather old mission, though and doesn't use all features the Foundry has now.

Here it is:

Mission Name: ST-SSR, E01: "Black Boxes"
Author: Patarival
Minimum Level: 31+ (Captain)
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HSQZVQPI2
Estimated Mission Length: hard to say ... maybe 30 minutes?
Method of Report Delivery: Forum, please

Thanks a lot!

PS: English is not my first language. I apologize for typos and grammar mistakes.
Thanks for the information on your mission and your note regarding "English is not your first language". I'll keep that in mind as I go through the mission. Perhaps I canprovide information that will help you smooth over any errors I find.

I will take a look at this mission this evening and get the report posted as soon as possible.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 8
10-18-2011, 04:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke-of-Rock View Post
I Would be honored if you could give my series a look as well. The final episode is in the construction phase and waiting to see if the bugs have been sorted out prior to publishing. Hopefully when it is ready I will be able to publish without any issues. Thanks for the service you do. Capt.PFDennis is a good friend and recommended I send you these, plus you were dead on with his Class Dismissed series. It is one of my favorite series. Forum Reports are fine as far as report delivery. I realized I don't have the ID #'s at the time I am posting this, but they are very easy to find missions in the main group under Top-Rated or search under my name.
Thanks for the compliment and confidence expressed in my reports and thanks to Capt.PFDennis for his recommendation. I really enjoyed that series too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke-of-Rock View Post
Spawn of Medusa

"A new enemy, an unlikely ally, and a quadrant in peril."


* Spawn of Medusa
* Duke-of-Rock
* Any Level
* Federation
* Mission time: Approx. 1 hour
* Starting Location: Seedea System - Pi Canis Sector Block
* Easy Trek Trivia Puzzles in unlikely locations. (For newer players)
* Space and Ground Battles
I will provide you with reports on each of your missions separately starting with "Spawn of Medusa" this evening and I’ll get the report up as soon as possible. I will also try to get to the rest this evening as well if time permits. If not I'll do those missions over the next couple of nights.

Thanks again for providing me with the information for your mission.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 9
10-18-2011, 06:37 PM
Thanks for taking the time to review my mission, and thanks especially for catching that mistake with the Cardassian shown instead of Ujarka. I went ahead and republished to fix that mistake.

I actually tend to agree with you about listing what the mission is about before the details. In most cases, it makes more sense to "sell" the mission first, while you have someone's attention. However, in this case my goal was more to scare off anyone who didn't want a long mission right off the bat. And, really, if someone doesn't have the patience to read a paragraph about my mission, it's going to be a disaster for them if they play it.

Just touching on a couple of your other points. I don't think there's any way for me to change the name of the "Objects". With contacts I know you can change the name, but the objects are all interacts and unless I'm totally missing something, I don't know of any way to change them. Due to the dynamics of the mission, it's not possible to use contacts for any of the freighters because if I do, I can't hide them afterwards.

About the Tat-Kwerg dialogue. That happens because the Objective Complete trigger is broken with dialogues. I wanted her ship to appear and then for them to have that discussion, but I couldn't do that if the dialogue was in the storyline. So, as a work around, I have it so that the dialogue triggers off a reach marker after you start to set an intercept course. I suppose even overhearing the conversation at all might also be a bit contrived, but I'm going to claim artistic license on that.

And during the finale you said the distress signal remained? The reason that is, is because I wanted to make it so that if someone tried to go it alone (or with too few support vessels) and then found out they'd made a mistake, they could still summon help after the fact. Ideally I'd have a separate interact to summon help, but I hit the enemy group limit on the map, so my hands are basically tied.

Regarding the Captain responses, I'll take that to heart and consider how I might integrate it into the mission, and/or future missions. My only reservation is I'd like to avoid putting too many words in someone's mouth (that's why I like providing the multiple responses, it allows the player to choose what he feels fits his captain the best). However, if they are generic enough responses they'll probably be fine.

Considering the insane amount of dialogue in the mission, I probably won't be going back to make any major changes until the sequel is completed, at the minimum. Also, I sort of dread having to republish because whenever I do, I have to go and reset all of the map dialogues because of the damn Foundry bug that breaks them every time I load the mission. It takes me at least an hour or just rechecking in order to republish because I can't afford to have the dialogues broken or it renders the mission unplayable at some points.

Anyway, thanks again. I'm glad you enjoyed the mission, and I am going to take your feedback into account.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patarival View Post
Mission Name: ST-SSR, E01: "Black Boxes"
Author: Patarival
Minimum Level: 31+ (Captain)
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HSQZVQPI2
Federation Mission - ST-SSR, E01: "Black Boxes"
Author: Patarival
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HSQZVQPI2

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: I want to say how much I thoroughly enjoyed your mission and I highly recommend it for play. It was very well written and has good twists in the dialog and the story as a whole. Your work on this project is quite good and it shows the level of effort you put into it to make it a great story. Even the battles, although they were brief and not really central to the story they folded into the overall story.

In general I think you should consider changing the words "disintegrate" and "disintegration" to "destroy" and "destroyed". With that said it really didn’t detract from the story or my enjoyment of it. I kept in mind your note regarding “English not being your first language”. With that in mind below are some observations and some recommendations for your mission.

Mission Description: This is a good description and the additional note at the end helps as well.

Grant Mission Dialog: Good story dialog over all driving the story and drawing me in.
-In the dialog box from Admiral Johnson I noted the following items to consider changing:
-"transmissions of two ships" should be "transmissions from two ships".
-"Both transmission were" should be "Both transmissions were".
-"there has not" should be "there have not".
-"from both ships" should be "from either ship"
For the choice buttons a couple of things to consider changing;
-"What do mean with" to "What do you mean by".
-"Why were these two ships destroyed?" to "What destroyed these two ships?"
-In the "What destroyed these two ships?" response consider changing "Both ships have not transmitted" to "Both ships did not transmit". Also "Klingon raid parties" to "Klingon raiding parties".
-The final window you should consider changing "I don't assume I have to wish you good luck for such a simple mission" to "I won't wish you good luck on such a simple mission".

Mission Task: This is very clear and concise. Good job.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is the first time I’ve seen the Entry Prompt used to declare the actual start of the mission with the author credited. At first I was not sure if I liked it, but the more I looked at it the more I liked it.

MAPS:
Asteroid Belt Near Risa (Act 1): This is a good map design with a very nice battle and good story dialog. I noted the following items to consider changing:
-Bridge Tactical Officer dialog; "patrol. And" to "patrol, and" or change "And it looks like" to "It looks like".
-"once we recovered" to "once we've recovered”.
-"problem to beam" to "problem in beaming"
The first PADD report was good but consider changing; "has been made" to "was made".
You should use the same consideration for second PADD report as well.

U.S.S. Rettenmeier (Act 2): This is a great map design and the dialog is very well done. I didn’t note any real issues with grammar or spelling. Excellent trigger and dialog when I started to go the wrong way.

Asteroid Belt Near Risa (Act 3): Great map design and dialog. The unknown attacker was very well done. I noted the following items to consider changing:
-Post battle Quail Dialog; "I tell you" should be "I'll tell you".
-Consider changing the button to “Senior staff with me” instead of “Away team with me”

Runabout Hanger Bay (Act 4): The map was very well designed and the optional dialog along with the mission task dialog was very well done. Again I like the trigger if I turn the wrong way letting me know. I did not go through all optional dialog but here are a few things I noted in the ones I did go through:
-Dr. Hawthorne dialog; remove "way" from "if you can call it that way".
-Scanner tech dialog; "This procures some" should read "This is producing a".
-Second Hawthorne dialog; "but be are" should read "but we are".
-"I would go through" should read "I will go through".
-In the response to "Who is she" dialog; "no serial number as, as I've said before" remove the first "as".
-"is custom built" should read "it is custom built".
-In the response to "Is there something wrong" dialog; "Ah, you wonder" should read "Ah, you're wondering".
-"freeze" should be "freezing"
-In the response to "What can you tell me" dialog; the button reads "you could" should read "you can".
-"that is -" should be removed.
-Ethan Quail Dialog; the button response "It's enough, Quail!" should read "That's enough, Quail!"
-Co-Pilot Dialog in response to "Nice flying" dialog; "Thank you, Sir, but most of your praise belongs to your workers and Mr. Quail, I presume." consider changing it to read "Thank you sir, but most of the credit belongs to your crew and Mr. Quail." Also consider changing; "But it's mostly your crewman, who accomplished the task in record time." to "It was your crew who accomplished the task in record time."
-In response to "What do you think of" dialog; "you wouldn't stand" to read "you weren't standing".
-"have co-piloted Mr. Quail" should read "have co-piloted with Mr. Quail".

Asteroid Belt Near Risa (Act 5): Again this map is really well done and the setup of triggers and dialog is superb as it has been throughout. I noted the following items to consider changing:
-Dialog Bridge Engineering Officer; "station of this" should read "station for this".
-Dialog Bridge Science Officer; "I have noticed" should read "I noticed".
-"Imperial class chip" should read "Imperial class ship".
-Dialog Bridge Tactical Officer; "it takes until" should read "it will take before".
-Dialog Bridge Engineering Officer; "is offline since" should read "has been offline since".
-"this is should do it" should read "this should do it".
-"been tampered with" should read "been tampering with".
-"Apparently, this has been done by someone in a great hurry" should read "Apparently, this was done by someone in a hurry".
-"Well, it by 'simple' I mean as a subroutine" should read "Well, by 'simple' I mean as a subroutine".
-"Please. Sir, don't even try to consider that" should read "Please sir, don't say that".
-"If that would be true, we would have stumbled into something way too big" should read "If that were true, then we would have stumbled into something far bigger than we thought."
-Dialog Admiral Johnson; "I tried to contact you for a while now" should read "I've been trying to contact you quite a while now".
-"another offer" should read "another mission".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring. This mission was very enjoyable and I look forward to playing more of your work and not just to review it.
Brian
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