Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke-of-Rock View Post
Spawn of Medusa IV - (Part IV - The Awakening)
"As you prepare for a scientific commission to join you on Julip Prime to study the ruins recently discovered, you are hailed by Admiral Fedrikson and ordered to immediately divert to the newly rebuilt Argus Array. It has been monitoring the Medusik's fleet movements and has stopped transmitting. Who and what you find will lead you on an unexpected adventure to solve one of Earth's greatest mysteries and prepare you for the final showdown rapidly approaching with a new ally against the evil Medusa Frow and her remaining 5 daughters."
* Spawn of Medusa IV
* Duke-of-Rock
* Level: 16+
* Federation
* Starting Location: Wall Console Outside Main Transporter Room on Earth Space Dock (ESD).
* Mission Time: A little over an hour in length
* Heavy Story Driven Mission with Diplomatic Implications.
* Medium Difficulty Coded puzzle.
* Very Little Combat.
* Unique Maps and locations.
Federation Mission - Spawn of Medusa IV
Author: Duke-of-Rock
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HT4BAVWUY

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is yet another great episode in the “Spawn of Medusa” series. Your story dialog is fantastic throughout the entire series and compels the player to carry on deeper into the mission. Your maps throughout have been very well designed and executed, however I have to say this one had some of the very best uses of design and effects in the entire series. The Julip Frozen Underground Chambers map was some of the best use of effects with the stasis pods and the appearance of the Meltorak. The Atlantis maps were just as well done.

This entire series from start to this point have been so well designed and executed I can hardly wait to see what happens next. Below are a few things I noted while playing this mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up and my previous ones should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you please.

Mission Description: This is a well written, detailed description and start location. However I would recommend you consider changing the start point to another star system rather than the console outside the transporter room to maintain consistency with the previous stories.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is well written

Mission Task: Realizing that you’ve included the mission start location in the Mission Description I recommend the initial start custom map this should also have the location of where to start the mission.

Mission Entry Prompt: Good initial dialog prompt.

MAPS:
Argus Array: This is a very simple map design but well executed. The Argus Array looks great as does the Cytherian vessel. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Captain’s Ready Room: The dialog for this part of the story is very well written and engaging. It draws me deeper into the story. I noted the following items to consider changing:
-Cytherian Counsul Garthokia dialog; consider changing "I just know the system as another name." to read "I just know the system by another name."

Julip System: Great map with a good battle. The dialog drove the story quite well. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Bridge Officer dialog; "Sir, if i may interrupt," should read "Sir, if I may interrupt,"
-Admiral Fedrikson dialog; "i am glad to hear that, but i am afraid you are on your own" should read "I am glad to hear that, but I am afraid you are on your own".
-Bridge Officer post Admiral Fedrikson dialog; the bridge officer declares "We are in transporter range if the Science Outpost sir." and the response button is "Engage full impulse." The beam down map transition is offered upon selecting the button. Consider removing the previous dialog box and moving the "We are in transporter range if the Science Outpost sir." dialog to this dialog box instead.

Julip Prime: The dialog was very well written and the map design and execution was good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Julip Frozen Underground Chambers: This is an excellent map design and very well executed. The language puzzle was very well done. I actually took notes in my log so I could solve it. The effects you designed in the stasis chamber were outstanding in the design and simply stunning in execution. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The pods to be scanned seem to be slightly off center from the floor connections. Not a huge problem but one I thought you would want to know about.
-Meltorak Grofnik dialog; "but how did you find you way down" should read "but how did you find your way down".

Captain’s Ready Room - The Meeting: The dialog is well written and again serves to draw me into the heart of the story. I noted only one issue with dialog:
-Bridge Officer Map Transition dialog; seems a little awkward. Consider changing it to “Course for Earth laid in sir” or something along those lines.

Sol System: Great dialog and I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Deep Under the Antarctic Ice Shelf: This dialog was very well written and the map design using the beacons and attack vessels on all sides was great. At one point I almost go to close to one of the groups but was able to avoid them. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Atlantis Colony Biosphere: Great map and dialog. Both served to drive the story forward. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Meltorak Thygorius dialog; "It has a very advantageous properties when combined with other technology." should read "It has very advantageous properties when combined with other technology".
-"if we do not succees," should read "if we do not succeed,"
-Meltorak Atlantonius dialog; consider changing "items we attained" to read "items we obtained".
-"thay had begun" should read "they had begun".

Atlantis Ship Construction Facility: This is yet another great example of your work on story dialog and map design. I noted only one issue with dialog:
-Meltorak Atlantonius dialog; the response button reads "I understand. are we ready to proceed?" should read "I understand. Are we ready to proceed?"

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I look forward to the next episode in this series.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 22
10-22-2011, 12:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
I have just finished the final episode in my Deadly Intentions mission series, and would like to place it in the queue for review. Here is the information on the mission:

Thanks again for your willingness to do these reviews...I'm eager to hear what you have to say!
Thanks for giving me a chance to review all three parts in your "Deadly Intentions" series. You are up next for me to review. I intend to start on them today.

Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
Mission Name: Deadly Intentions - Part 1
Author: Sovereign77x
Minimum Level: None
Allegiance: Starfleet
Mission ID: ST-HENIFDVMI
Estimated Length: 30 Minutes
Method of Delivery: Forum
Federation Mission: Deadly Intentions - Part 1
Author: Sovereign77x
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HENIFDVMI

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission. The writing was excellent as was the map design. Your story was so well written the dialog carried it along. I made a few recommendations on some improvements below for each map. Basically the only shortfall I found was some of the button responses needed to be looked at again. I mentioned this in another report I did and the response was along the lines of not wanting to put words in the player’s mouth. While I see the point of this thinking I believe it is the job of the writer of a story to at least give the player options to respond with. But again that is a personal preference and doesn’t reflect directly on how good a mission is.

I noted a few items to look at below while playing the mission. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you please.

I really enjoyed this episode and would highly recommend it to everyone who enjoys a good story and great map work.

Mission Description: Good mission description with good detailed story points.

Grant Mission Dialog: Very clear grant dialog with clear instructions on where to start.

Mission Task: Despite the instructions in the Grant Mission Dialog you should at least include the location for at least the first custom map which should also include the location of where to start the mission.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good entry prompt.

MAPS:
Wolf 359 #1: Good simple map design with well written dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map. However I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Perhaps have the initial entry dialog button response be something like “Acknowledged, plot an intercept course.” or something along those lines.
-The Admiral Denai dialog; consider changing the response button to his request for the player to beam over to, “On my way sir.” or something along those lines.

Alexandria Interior: The story dialog and map design were excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Wolf 359 #2: Good dialog. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Admiral Denai dialog; consider changing the response button to something appropriate, “Acknowledged” or something along those lines.

Dorzal Station: Great map design, the battle was not easy but also not impossible. The dialog also served to drive the story forward. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Dorzal Station Main Level: Great map design and dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map. However I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Deferi dialog; consider changing the response button from ”Continue” to, “Thanks” or something along those lines.
-The Orothili dialog; consider changing the response button from ”Continue” to, something appropriate to the dialog.

Dorzal Station Lower Levels: Great map design with great battles. The last one is a tough nut to crack but not too bad if you have the right balance of weapons deployed on your team. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Dorzal Station#2: This was a great wrap up to this episode with good, tough battles and well written dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This was a great episode in the series and I am looking forward to reviewing the rest of the series.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
Mission Name: Deadly Intentions - Part 2
Author: Sovereign77x
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Starfleet
Mission ID: ST-HG3P4W905
Estimated Length: 45 Minutes
Method of Delivery: Forum
Federation Mission: Deadly Intentions - Part 2
Author: Sovereign77x
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HG3P4W905

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This mission is an excellent sequel to the previous one. Your writing of the story dialog is outstanding and serves its purpose of drawing the player in. The maps are very well designed and the elements are executed really well. The overall story for the entire series is quite obviously well planned out. It shows in the execution of each of the missions dialog and maps so far.

As before in my last report on part 1 I noted a few items to look at below while playing the mission. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. These recommendations are yours to do with as you please.

It should be no surprise to anyone that I highly recommend this mission and the entire series. Great job!

Mission Description: Good mission description that takes the player into the story even if they have not played part 1. The inclusion of mission start point is also good.

Grant Mission Dialog: Good mission grant dialog with good directions on where to start.

Mission Task: As before in my previous report and realizing that you’ve not had the time to implement anything from it. Despite the instructions in the Grant Mission Dialog you should at least include the location for at least the first custom map which should also include the location of where to start the mission.

Mission Entry Prompt: Good entry prompt.

MAPS:
Wolf 359: This is a good simple map and the dialog was very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map. However I noted one item to consider changing:
-As before in my previous report I recommend adding a response button to each dialog that is appropriate to each. I realize that not every dialog will require a response but many should have them. This will be the last entry on any of the mission reports for this series on this recommendation.

U.S.S. Alexandria: The story dialog was great. I noted only one item that needs to be looked at in the mission tasking for this map.
-I like the apology to anyone who is playing a Klingon in this mission.
-In the mission tasking following the interrogation of Dr. Araisa the task refers to the Admiral Denai as “Vice Admieral Denai”.

Wolf 359#2: Good, short dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Vortal System: The map is really well done and the battle is really tough. That is a great recommendation by you to the player regarding the frequency re-modulators. The dialog was well written and I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map. I only have one issue with the battle:
-I would suggest moving the ships to be spread on all sides of the To’Koth to make the fight a little more even handed.

I.K.S. To'Koth Interior: This is a great map with excellent story dialog and a good battle. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map. I only found one minor issue with one of the map elements:
-The “Download Navigational Logs” console is sitting a little out from the wall and slightly angled from the wall so it doesn’t look quite like it belongs.

Vortal System#2: Very nice map with a quick battle and really great dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Yolanis System: Great map with a couple of tough battles and great dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Borg Cube: This is a great map with a couple of tough battles and good story dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Yolanis System#2: This map is again well designed and the dialog drives the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map. I only found one issue with the map:
-The map name comes up as <UNNAMED TASK> which indicates the Map Text field for this map is not filled in.

Task Force Location: The map is great and the battles are very tough but not unbeatable. At times they feel that way but if you use good tactics you can beat them. The dialog was also very compelling. I only found one issue with the map:
-Alexa Dursel dialog; "I don' know what to say" should read "I don't know what to say".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I am looking forward to playing part 3 of this series.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 25
10-23-2011, 12:06 AM
Thank you so much for you kind and generous reviews of the Deadly Intentions mission series. You have made some truly excellent suggestions, and as of this writing I have implemented nearly all of them. The only thing I was a little confused by was your recommendation regarding the mission task. If I understand, you're recommending I specify the location for starting the mission in the first map mission field, so that it shows up as a task on the mission description, is that correct? If this is the case, then I've gone ahead and implemented this suggestion. I've made this change to the third and final mission, so you can tell me if I did it correctly.

Also, a quick FYI about the final mission: it is still in the review stage, and is awaiting its fifth review before it becomes visible to everybody. If it still hasn't received its fifth review before you go to play it, you'll need to register as a reviewer for the mission to be visible.

Thanks again for all your hard work on these reviews. I'm very eager to see what you have to say about the finale!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 26
10-23-2011, 02:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
Thank you so much for you kind and generous reviews of the Deadly Intentions mission series. You have made some truly excellent suggestions, and as of this writing I have implemented nearly all of them. The only thing I was a little confused by was your recommendation regarding the mission task. If I understand, you're recommending I specify the location for starting the mission in the first map mission field, so that it shows up as a task on the mission description, is that correct? If this is the case, then I've gone ahead and implemented this suggestion. I've made this change to the third and final mission, so you can tell me if I did it correctly.

Also, a quick FYI about the final mission: it is still in the review stage, and is awaiting its fifth review before it becomes visible to everybody. If it still hasn't received its fifth review before you go to play it, you'll need to register as a reviewer for the mission to be visible.

Thanks again for all your hard work on these reviews. I'm very eager to see what you have to say about the finale!
You are welcome, you earned the review. Your work reflected the level of commitment you have to a good story. That isn’t to say I don’t like a straight action mission with little dialog, but I do tend to enjoy a good story too. I know there are some that don’t. I had my share of players that knock my work because it has too much dialog. So I started putting in a skip dialog button with a summary of what they need to know. It seems to be a popular option. Although I really don’t know how much it is used but I’ve received positive feedback about it.

You understood the recommendation correctly. My recommendation was to enter the location in there for first map you transition to from a Cryptic map. A good example of this transition is in your mission when we go from the Sirius Sector Block map (Cryptic) to your Wolf 359 map (Custom).

Don’t worry about part 3 not having enough reviews to be seen by the general players. I found it already and will be reviewing it first thing in the morning. I’m looking forward to seeing where the story you created goes next. For now I’m off to bed. I got a mission to review in the morning.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 27 Honored by your reviews.
10-23-2011, 03:25 AM
Greetings Brian,

Thanks for your detailed reviews and suggestions. It's amazing how we as authors can read through our dialogue 100 times and still miss things. Your catches and suggestions will prove to be very helpful in putting a polish on my series. Aside from the pathing bugs, I'm really glad you didn't experience any of the intermittent bugs that plague a good deal of foundry missions at the moment. It can be frustrating as authors when we see players have run into them and there is nothing we can do about it.
I am very pleased you have enjoyed the series to this point. As is the case with most story arcs, I really hope to wrap the story up with a bang in part 5. It will be more combat heavy then the previous episodes, but as it is going to be the battle to end the Medusa's reign, it should be. I hope to keep the story as engaging as before so it does not just have a "shoot em up" ending.
I plan on using a good deal of your suggestions to edit my missions as soon as I am confident I can edit and republish without incident. I use a good deal of component completes in my missions and there is still a question to missions failing after republish with these story element tools. I'll let you know as soon as I have part 5 published. I have been guilty of "Tribbling" around with the Doff system, so it has slowed the progress of the last episode, but I hope to work on it Sunday and hopefully get it completed by next weekend.
Again, thanks for your reviews and I am very honored you are enjoying the series.

Craig
aka: Duke-of-Rock
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 28
10-23-2011, 10:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke-of-Rock View Post
Greetings Brian,

Thanks for your detailed reviews and suggestions. It's amazing how we as authors can read through our dialogue 100 times and still miss things. Your catches and suggestions will prove to be very helpful in putting a polish on my series. Aside from the pathing bugs, I'm really glad you didn't experience any of the intermittent bugs that plague a good deal of foundry missions at the moment. It can be frustrating as authors when we see players have run into them and there is nothing we can do about it.
I know exactly what you mean. I run through my missions many times in a read through of the dialog, testing within the Foundry and even published testing. Still when I put the mission up for the public I run through it with one of my characters and find things I missed. The good thing about being an author is you understand the difference between a bug in the Foundry, like the pathing, and something the author is actually responsible for. As a general rule, I won’t slam an author for mistakes made while creating a mission. I offer them recommendations to fix the issues. Yes bugs are annoying but there is absolutely nothing in any of the missions worth being angry over. That is what the product support team is for. I know because I work for a product support team for unrelated software. I actually enjoy trouble shooting. That is probably why I like reviewing missions.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke-of-Rock View Post
I am very pleased you have enjoyed the series to this point. As is the case with most story arcs, I really hope to wrap the story up with a bang in part 5. It will be more combat heavy then the previous episodes, but as it is going to be the battle to end the Medusa's reign, it should be. I hope to keep the story as engaging as before so it does not just have a "shoot em up" ending.
Was that a spoiler alert? I am looking forward to playing the next episode in the series. So get to work now…

Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke-of-Rock View Post
I plan on using a good deal of your suggestions to edit my missions as soon as I am confident I can edit and republish without incident. I use a good deal of component completes in my missions and there is still a question to missions failing after republish with these story element tools. I'll let you know as soon as I have part 5 published. I have been guilty of "Tribbling" around with the Doff system, so it has slowed the progress of the last episode, but I hope to work on it Sunday and hopefully get it completed by next weekend.
I’ve heard there are some issues with “components” in missions causing problems but I haven’t seen it in any of my missions since they fixed the big bug that wasn’t allowing you to play a mission that had any components. My missions have lots of components too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke-of-Rock View Post
Again, thanks for your reviews and I am very honored you are enjoying the series.

Craig
aka: Duke-of-Rock
You are quite welcome. Even though the community authored missions don’t really affect the characters development, except from an accolade and points perspective, the story affects me. I hope someday they’ll fix the character log recording for the mission so they show up like the cryptic missions. I am looking forward to the part 5.

Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
Mission Name: Deadly Intentions - Part 3
Author: Sovereign77x
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Starfleet
Mission ID: ST-HTEOX3GQ3
Estimated Length: 35 Minutes
Method of Delivery: Forum
Federation Mission: Deadly Intentions - Part 3
Author: Sovereign77x
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HTEOX3GQ3

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: Wow! This was a great wrap up to the overall series. Your story dialog drove the story forward keeping me riveted to my seat the whole time. The twists and turns were so well written that it was hard to see them coming despite the linear story line restrictions of the Foundry. Your map designs and execution of interaction objects was excellent.

As before in my last reports on part 1 and 2 I noted a few items to look at below while playing the mission. Everything in this write up and previous ones should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. These recommendations are yours to do with as you please.

Again I am sure that no one will be surprised that I highly recommend the entire series. It is compelling and just plain a lot of fun. Excellent work on the whole series!

Mission Description: Well written and detailed description. The location start and authors notes are also very well done.

Grant Mission Dialog: Very clear and to the point.

Mission Task: Good job on the Mission Task/Map Text field in providing the start location for the first custom map.

Mission Entry Prompt: Good entry prompt dialog.

MAPS:
Otha System: This is a simple map with really good dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

U.S.S. Alexandria Interior: The map design is well done and the dialog very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Otha System#2: A simple map with good transitional dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Agrima Prime System: Great map with a good mix of fighting and dialog. I noted only one item that needs to be looked at for this map:
-Post Du'voK battle dialog; button response "That's a lot of firepower for a small conlony" should read "That's a lot of firepower for a small colony."

Vol’car Interior: The dialog was very well done. It served its purpose to draw me into the story. I noted only one item that needs to be looked at for this map:
-General Gor'Cheng dialog; he refers to the "Vor'cal" vice "Vol'car".

Agrima Prime System#2: A simple map design and good dialog. Regarding the frequency remodulators, to use a phrase from a movie; “All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon”. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Agrima Prime Colony: Great map design with challenging battles and good dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Neoborg Collective: This map was filled with exciting battles and excellent dialog to drive the story. I noted a couple of items that need to be looked at for this map:
-Initial entry dialog; "must be channeld" should be "must be channeled".
-Post Dr. Tarsag dialog;"undoubtedly commendered" should read "undoubtedly commandeered".

Agrima Prime System#3: Truly a great ending to a great series. The map design and dialog was simply fantastic. I noted a couple of items that need to be looked at for this map:
-Post battle there are no Klingon ships left. It’s not a show stopper in the overall mission but since we talk to the General at the end there should be at least one Klingon ship left. If you left the General’s ship as an individual NPC contact and it was destroyed that could because it was too close to the Borg as they were destroyed. I’m not 100% sure an individual NPC can’t be killed in explosions. I’ll look into that.
-Admiral Denai dialog; "aleviating tensoions" should read "alleviating tensions".
-Post Admiral Denai dialog; "Permission to disembark?" perhaps change this to “Permission to depart the system?” or something along those lines.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review all of your work. I look forward to playing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 30
10-23-2011, 06:26 PM
Thanks for the wonderful review of Deadly Intentions - Part 3 and especially for the suggestions you made. As of this writing I have implemented all of them. I especially appreciated your suggestions regarding the lack of Klingon ships after the final battle was over...I've put the I.K.S. Vol'car a little further back from the battle, as well as a few other non-combat NPC Klingon ships so that there's something left once it's all over.
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