Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Mission Title: Betrayal of the Empire (Part 1)
Project ID: ST-HKCA3C2PH
Allegiance: Klingon

Description: You hear from your old friend Worf. He needs to speak with you immediately.

There may be a link to a high ranking councilman in the High Council and Romulans. Worf needs your help in uncovering the truth of a possible threat to the Empire itself.

Will you help your old friend? Will you defend the Empire from an enemy within?

Authors Note: This mission is part one of two. About 35 minutes with a lot of dialog and ground combat. With option to skip dialog built in it is about 17 minutes.

Please play it and let me know what you think. I am currently working on Part 2 of this two part series.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2 STO Critique responses
09-25-2011, 11:27 PM
Thanks to the folks that critiqued it so far on STO.

I corrected the "Too be continued..." to read "To be continued..."

Also corrected "Hunt you down like targh" to read "Hunt you donw like a targh." No one hit me on this one but I saw it when reading my script as I worked on part two.

For the comment regarding to many locations causing long load times. I appologize for the load times howver the number of locations were needed to tell the story properly. I do appreciate your point.

Again thanks to all who have played the mission and critiqued it so far. I appreciate all the input and comments.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Mission Title: Betrayal of the Empire (Part 2)
Project ID: ST-HFBGX74XV
Allegiance: Klingon

Description: In part one you heard from your old friend Worf who asked you to help uncover a possible threat to the Empire that may involve a high ranking member of the High Council. Now that mission continues. Will you help uncover the threat to the Empire?

Authors Note: This mission is part two of two. You should play part one first to enjoy the story more. The mission is about 27 minutes with dialog, ground and some space combat. With an option to skip dialog built in it is about 16 minutes.

Please play it and let me know what you think.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
10-08-2011, 08:24 AM
Made some minor corrections to the dialog I missed on my last run through. Should be good to go now. Let me know what you think.

Thanks
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5 Updated Mission Part 2
10-15-2011, 12:51 AM
I just finsihed correcting the first Map Text for Part 2 to try and make it easier to find where to start. The start location is in the grant mission dialog but I wanted to add it to the first Map Text so it would show up as a mission task as well.

Thanks for playing, rating and providing feedback.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
10-15-2011, 09:47 AM
Going to play your saga right now. But I tell, you.. your mission will have a extra point just because they are KDF
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 7
10-15-2011, 11:05 AM
I just finsh both your mission, and they are very good! Keep at the good work! And thanks for doing KDF missions.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 8
10-15-2011, 03:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cerritouru View Post
I just finsh both your mission, and they are very good! Keep at the good work! And thanks for doing KDF missions.
Thanks for playing and for the feedback. I'm glad you liked it.

Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 9
10-22-2011, 12:43 PM
Thanks so much to everyone who has played this series and provided me with ratings and feedback. I appreciate all the feedback including the suggestions for improvement.

Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 10
10-23-2011, 07:58 PM
I played both of your missions and had a lot of fun! They were both excellent, and I especially enjoyed the crisp dialogue that moved the story along (the character of Quevos was very amusing). I now understand what you mean by a "Skip Dialogue" button...I'm going to have to incorporate that in my missions.

I played the first mission by myself on elite. I like the way you made the mission feel like a genuine investigation. I also enjoyed the challenging battles (I need to play my Klingon engineer character a little more often)

The second mission was a lot of fun, and I played that one with a friend. I enjoyed the twist at the end, which I won't spoil for anyone else reading.

I'm afraid I didn't have time to go through and do as thorough a review as you have been doing for other players (myself included--I owe you for that). But here are a few quick suggestions:

In the first mission, in the map titled "Romulans are here", you have two tasks that are both labeled as "Rescue B'Kini". I would recommend naming the second one "Speak with B'Kini" since you have already saved her at that point.

In the second mission, my friend (who plays as an Orion) was a little thrown off when he insulted another Orion. He also wasn't sure why the mission's boss called him a "Stupid Klingon". He wanted me to remind you that the KDF is made up of more than just Klingons.

Finally, although the dialogue was nearly flawless, I caught one mistake. In the map mission "Of Romulans and Conspiracies" there is a moment where you are getting information about a Romulan patrol, and the dialogue says "There are moving" instead of "They are moving".

Thank you for your excellent work on this two-part series. As someone who enjoys a good story and great writing, I thoroughly enjoyed it!

p.s If you haven't done so already, I'd recommend trying to get your missions on the Nagus list.
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