Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 1 Reclaimed Delivery
11-02-2011, 01:08 AM
Greetings!

I'd like to present my first attempt at a Foundry Mission, Reclaimed Delivery. It is a short, straightforward adventure into pirate-infested space to repair a damaged communications satellite. As the mission proceeds, it unfolds into a bit more than a routine repair.

The mission is 20-30 minutes long, which may be deemed as short for some. This is intentional, however, as I intended the mission to be a prelude to a future story arc as well as a learning experience for me to pick up the basics of using the Foundry.

Feedback is welcome, as are any tips from more proficient content creators; I'd like to know if I'm on the right track with the Foundry!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lerethunt
Greetings!

I'd like to present my first attempt at a Foundry Mission, Reclaimed Delivery. It is a short, straightforward adventure into pirate-infested space to repair a damaged communications satellite. As the mission proceeds, it unfolds into a bit more than a routine repair.

The mission is 20-30 minutes long, which may be deemed as short for some. This is intentional, however, as I intended the mission to be a prelude to a future story arc as well as a learning experience for me to pick up the basics of using the Foundry.

Feedback is welcome, as are any tips from more proficient content creators; I'd like to know if I'm on the right track with the Foundry!
Federation Mission - Reclaimed Delivery
Author: Lerethunt
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HBKFC7OY6

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission. Your story is intriguing and serves to draw me in. Without giving too much away I must say I am looking forward to seeing where you take the story next. Your map design and effect execution is very well done. In the write up I mention a pathing issue with the Lasserk map. This is a Foundry issue with the particular map and is beyond your direct control. Make sure you notify the Devís regarding this issue. Itís the only way they get fixed. The fighting throughout the mission are good balanced fights and thoroughly enjoyable.

Below are a few items I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: Very nice and detailed description. It clear indicates where the mission starts. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is great dialog that very clearly sets the tone of the story. You also provide a clear and detailed mission start location. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: Despite the fact that you provide the start location in both the Mission Description and Grant Mission Dialog as noted above you should also provide it in the Map Text for the first custom map entry location. It will reduce the number of folks who say they couldn't find where to start

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a nice and simple prompt. This can often be difficult to judge and I have seen many different ways of doing it. My view of this has evolved since I first started doing these in depth critiques. In general as long as there are no spelling or grammatical errors I leave it up to the author to decide how best to utilize this prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Demil Space: This is an excellent map design with a good balance of story and battles. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-In the "Hail them" response dialog; consider changing "all you federation sorts" to read "all you Federation sorts".
-Consider changing "I don't /have/ to" to read "I don't have to".
-Consider changing the map transition response button from "Beam Down Onto The Lasserk" to read "Beam down to the Lasserk".

The Lasserk: The dialog, map design, effects execution and of course the battles are all very well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Post "Use Console" dialog; consider changing "Well, the Ferengi /are/ known" to read "Well, the Ferengi are known".
-There is a slight pathing issue with this map however it is a Foundry map issue that is really beyond your control. Make sure you report the issue to the Devís so they can fix it.

The Lasserk Bridge: This is a great map design with good story dialog and a balanced fight. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Orion Commander dialog; consider changing "starfleet" to read "Starfleet".

Demil Space#2: The map is a good simple design and the dialog is a great wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I look forward to playing more of your missions in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 11/05/2011 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
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