Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 11
10-24-2011, 08:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
I played both of your missions and had a lot of fun! They were both excellent, and I especially enjoyed the crisp dialogue that moved the story along (the character of Quevos was very amusing). I now understand what you mean by a "Skip Dialogue" button...I'm going to have to incorporate that in my missions.
Thanks. I actually copied the idea of a “Skip Dialog” button from another author and then just put me “Plots bore me…” spin on it. The feature seems to keep down the “There is too much reading” comments.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
I played the first mission by myself on elite. I like the way you made the mission feel like a genuine investigation. I also enjoyed the challenging battles (I need to play my Klingon engineer character a little more often)
I like a good mix of story, investigation and battles. I am glad you liked the battles. I tried to balance them out so a player would enjoy themselves but at the same time not have a cake walk.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
The second mission was a lot of fun, and I played that one with a friend. I enjoyed the twist at the end, which I won't spoil for anyone else reading.
I’m glad you both liked it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
I'm afraid I didn't have time to go through and do as thorough a review as you have been doing for other players (myself included--I owe you for that). But here are a few quick suggestions:

In the first mission, in the map titled "Romulans are here", you have two tasks that are both labeled as "Rescue B'Kini". I would recommend naming the second one "Speak with B'Kini" since you have already saved her at that point.
Thanks for the feedback. I fixed this issue. It’s actually kind of funny too. I have mentioned to so many authors, including you I believe, about putting a location in the Map Text field of the first custom map so the players can find it from the Cryptic Map. Guess what I forgot to do on my first mission? So I fixed that too…

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
In the second mission, my friend (who plays as an Orion) was a little thrown off when he insulted another Orion. He also wasn't sure why the mission's boss called him a "Stupid Klingon". He wanted me to remind you that the KDF is made up of more than just Klingons.
I fixed the insult to the Orion to be more generalized. I also fixed the “Pathetic Klingon” to say “Pathetic warrior” which is more generic too. Thanks to you and your friend for bringing that up to me. It is a good point.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
Finally, although the dialogue was nearly flawless, I caught one mistake. In the map mission "Of Romulans and Conspiracies" there is a moment where you are getting information about a Romulan patrol, and the dialogue says "There are moving" instead of "They are moving".
I couldn’t find “There are moving”. I did have a “There are more beyond that” in the dialog. But that should be correct. Still I appreciate the feedback. I went back and combed over the entire dialog and my script to make sure I didn’t miss anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
Thank you for your excellent work on this two-part series. As someone who enjoys a good story and great writing, I thoroughly enjoyed it!
Thanks. I am really glad you enjoyed it and I’m developing another story which I hope to start putting into the Foundry soon.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
p.s If you haven't done so already, I'd recommend trying to get your missions on the Nagus list.
I will look into doing that.
Thanks again for your feedback on both missions. It only helps me to improve my work and helps me be a better evaluator.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 12 Dialog correction
10-29-2011, 12:03 PM
I just finished correcting a few dialog issues in part 1 so it should flow better now...

Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 13 Updated
11-19-2011, 05:10 PM
It never fails after all the corrections you make to a mission you still find a few more now and then. Of course all the missions I've been evaluating lately have also caused me to go back and take a fresh look at my missions as well.

Mission Title: Betrayal of the Empire (Part 1)
Project ID: ST-HKCA3C2PH
Allegiance: Klingon

Description: You hear from your old friend Worf. He needs to speak with you immediately. There may be a link to a high ranking councilman in the High Council and Romulans. Worf needs your help in uncovering the truth of a possible threat to the Empire itself. Will you help your old friend? Will you defend the Empire from an enemy within?

Mission Title: Betrayal of the Empire (Part 2)
Project ID: ST-HFBGX74XV
Allegiance: Klingon

Description: In part one you heard from your old friend Worf who asked you to help uncover a possible threat to the Empire that may involve a high ranking member of the High Council. Now that mission continues. Will you help uncover the threat to the Empire?

-----------------------

Take a look and let me know what you think.
Thanks
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 14
11-20-2011, 03:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
It never fails after all the corrections you make to a mission you still find a few more now and then. Of course all the missions I've been evaluating lately have also caused me to go back and take a fresh look at my missions as well..
Perhaps the only downside to all the reviews that you've been doing is that it's left you with scant time to work on new missions yourself. This was an excellent series, and I look forward to new missions in the future!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 15
11-21-2011, 04:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
Perhaps the only downside to all the reviews that you've been doing is that it's left you with scant time to work on new missions yourself. This was an excellent series, and I look forward to new missions in the future!
Thanks for the compliment. I am still doing my in depth mission reports. I am currently working on a new Federation mission that is tentatively called "Contamination". I just started writing it this weekend and am starting the maps this week. I had to do some testing to see if some of my story elements will work as I intend them to. I’ll keep you posted and will create a separate forum posting when I get closer to completion.

Thanks again for reviewing my missions and I’m glad you enjoyed them.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
-That was excellent! (5 Stars)

-Amazing! (4 Stars)

-Very well done. (4 Stars)

-A great start and build up, going on to part 2! (4 Stars)

-Really good story! (4 Stars)

-Very combat centric and quite a lot of fun. (4 Stars)

-I liked it keeps you on the edge of your seat. (4 Stars)

-A lot of chatter & blah, blah, but good work with the zoning. I am glad there was a way to bypass the script. (4 Stars)

-Stupid (1 Star)

-I liked it - good amount of fighting and not too much dialogue but just enough for cohesive story line. Excellent! (5 Stars)

-I liked it. It was a good story. Now on to part 2. (5 Stars)

-Truly excellent story. (5 Stars)

-Very interesting start. Good use of locations. (4 Stars)

-Not a bad start. Excellent NPC names. (4 Stars)
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