Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 131
12-15-2011, 06:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke-of-Rock View Post
Hello Brian,

Once again you have been a great help to me in finding things I missed. When I changed from a 2-part to a
1-part mission, I thought I had fixed everything, but your ability to catch things I missed remains uncanny. Thanks very much for the playthrough. I agree with you on several points, including the distances between the Dominion squads on the surface of the "Great Link" planet. I intend to move them closer together as well as use your suggestion on the initial spawn point. I also thought I had corrected all the spelling errors of Ferengi. Funny thing is when I originally wrote the mission, I would have bet Gold pressed latinum that is was spelled "Ferenghi" until I learned otherwise (Doh). Thanks again for your help. I'm glad you enjoyed the mission.
Now that I am almost recovered (partially) from my back surgery 3 weeks ago, I intend to make some changes you recommended on my Spawn of Medusa series, as well as finally complete the last episode, "Spawn of Medusa V". I still have some limitation to how much time I can sit at the computer desk with the back on the mend, but intend to get it done before the end of the year.

May you and yours have a wonderful and blessed holiday season. I look forward to more of your help and collaborative efforts in 2012.


Respectfully,

Craig aka: Duke-of-Rock
Always happy to help. Feel better and don't push yourself to far. Depending on how old you are already you will regret it when your even older.

Happy holidays to you and yours as well.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elvane View Post
Hello, please review my mission:

Mission Name: Balance of Reason
Author: Elvane
Minimum Level: 16+ or above
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HF9F3QGG6
Estimated Mission Length: around 1 hour
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Thank you!
Federation Mission - Balance of Reason
Author: Elvane
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HF9F3QGG6

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission. The map design is very well done. The story dialog is great and the battles are tough but not impossible to beat. I would recommend this mission to anyone who likes well written dialog, good map designs and tough battles.

I noted the use of the response button "Continue" quite a lot in the mission. This is a personal preference but I feel it is something for you to consider. The use of "Continue" can be appropriate in conjunction with some dialog but many others it seems awkward. On several of them the Captain should always respond to a report of other information given to them in the dialog. You can also use this as a stepping stone to the next dialog.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. The goal should be to draw the player in and make them want to click the "Hail" button. You did that with this description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a very detailed and well written grant mission dialog. As with the description the goal is to entice the player to want to click the "Accept" button. You certainly achieved that with this dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: This is a nice simple task. The only recommendation I have is to add the sector it is located in. I recommend this despite the fact you had the exact location in the Grant Mission Dialog. Not every player has a star system list on a secondary screen.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Aelas System: This is a nice simple map design with well written dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Rogue Planet Vicinity: This is a good map design and great story dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Make it so" or something along those lines.
-The "residual tachyons" dialog; consider changing "do not give us nothing new" to read "do not give us anything new".
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Very well" or something along those lines.
-The "energy readings" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Interesting" or something in response to the bridge officerís report.
-The "Vicinity of the planet" dialog; consider changing "in close vicinity" to read "in close proximity".
-Consider making the "radiation" report the last button on the tree so the player can go through the last button.
-At this point Iím going to stop noting the use of the response button "Continue" and will cover it in more detail in my summary.
-The Romulan appears right on top of the location where we scan the "radiation surge" I would suggest setting the point a little further off from that point.
-The map transfer dialog; consider changing "going on and rise shields" to read "going on and raise shields.
-Consider changing the response button "Beam to hazara" to read "Beam to Hazara".

I.R.W. Hazara: This is a really good map design. The dialog is very well written and the puzzle was a nice little challenge. The battles were tough but not impossible. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Digsite: This is a great map design. The dialog was well written and the battles are tough but not impossible. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Initial dialog; consider changing "structures up ahaid" to read "Structures up ahead".
-The post "Complete the survey" dialog; consider changing "I f were them" to read "If I were them".
-The powering up the transporter is not clearly indicated on the map and was hard to find.

Beneath the Ruins: The map design is outstanding and the battles tough but not impossible. The story dialog was well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post "Examine the ancient array" dialog; consider changing "This also gives an idea why would the Romuans want to blow his thing up" to read "That would explain why the Romulanís would want to blow it up".
-Consider changing "the Empire could as well throw away all their cloaking devices" to read "the Empire may as well throw away all their cloaking devices".
-Consider changing "I believe four pattern enhancers placed in front of it shall do the trick and allow us to beam the array aboard through the compound shielding" to read "I believe four pattern enhancers placed around it should do the trick and allow us to beam the array aboard through the compounds shielding.
-Commander Tolok dialog; consider changing "That is why I ordered to blow this whole compound" to read "That is why I ordered this whole compound to be blown up".
-Consider changing "Think of the repercussions of any of our empires possessing this technology" to read "Think of the repercussions of either of our governments possessing this technology".
-The "Can you tell me what happened here" dialog; consider changing "We have discovered" to read "We discovered".
-Consider changing "It was then when I have found out what exactly have we uncovered" to read "It was then I found out exactly what we had uncovered".
-Consider changing "I was unsure what should I do" to read "I was unsure what to do".
-Consider changing "I made my choice and ordered to set explosive charges" to read "I made my decision and ordered the explosive charges be set".

Rogue Planet Vicinity#2: This is a nice short wrap up mission map. The dialog is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Talk to Hazara" dialog; consider changing the response button "Ca you tell me what exactly happened here again" to read "Can you tell me what exactly happened here again".
I assume the "Talk to Hazara" is not an actual task. Even after I responded "We will be warping out soon. Good byeĒ the dialog window closes but "Talk to Hazara" button remains.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job on this mission. I look forward to playing and reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 133
12-15-2011, 09:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
Sounds good. I'll put "Starfleet Experimentation", "Hidden Intelligence" and "Memory Lane" in the que.

I did a review of "The Mysteries of Pon Farr " back on September 17th and posted it on your forum posting. Below is a excerpt from the report summary.
>.<

Thanks for adding my first three, the fact that you had reviewed Mysteries of Pon Farr had slipped my mind :p
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 134 Thanks for great review!
12-16-2011, 08:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
Federation Mission - Balance of Reason
Author: Elvane
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HF9F3QGG6
Thank you for the review! This is just the kind of feedback I needed. I will address all of the issues you noticed.

Not being a native speaker, I was unsure if my dialogues were an easy reading. I do appreciate detailed feedback on this one.

Also, I was worried that the players may not be able to lower the alien shield before transition to underground (I will still have to rework that). The Idea with the shield, as well as with powering the transporter, was to let a player stop and think - what to do next, instead of simply going from A to B to C. I understand that this part still needs a lot of work.

The point regarding the "Continue" button is well-taken. I just happen to see this button often in Cryptic's missions, and somehow thought that it's customary to use it for any options that just close a dialogue.

You are doing a great job, not only helping new missions get those five reviews needed, but also by giving the feedback an author can work on. Thanks again and happy upcoming holidays!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 135
12-16-2011, 09:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
>.<

Thanks for adding my first three, the fact that you had reviewed Mysteries of Pon Farr had slipped my mind :p
When I saw the list you provided that one jumped out at me. That was one of the many reviews that I did that led me to creating this posting offering in depth reviews. It was a good mission with interesting twists and turns.

Thanks for authoring.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 136
12-16-2011, 09:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elvane View Post
Thank you for the review! This is just the kind of feedback I needed. I will address all of the issues you noticed.

Not being a native speaker, I was unsure if my dialogues were an easy reading. I do appreciate detailed feedback on this one.

Also, I was worried that the players may not be able to lower the alien shield before transition to underground (I will still have to rework that). The Idea with the shield, as well as with powering the transporter, was to let a player stop and think - what to do next, instead of simply going from A to B to C. I understand that this part still needs a lot of work.

The point regarding the "Continue" button is well-taken. I just happen to see this button often in Cryptic's missions, and somehow thought that it's customary to use it for any options that just close a dialogue.

You are doing a great job, not only helping new missions get those five reviews needed, but also by giving the feedback an author can work on. Thanks again and happy upcoming holidays!
I'm glad I could help. Giving players choices in the game is a good thing especially when you are actually limited to a linear story line. The only issue was since it wasnít specified in the task I tried to do a scan and since it wasnít a specific object the scan came up with nothing. Iím not sure how to address that exactly. Perhaps place a reach point in the story that shows up on the map to give the player a target to move towards.

As for the use of ďContinueĒ as a response button, Iíd been playing ďCommunity AuthoredĒ missions for a while and I just started a new Federation character. Iíve been running him through several Cryptic missions to get him started on his career path into STO. So I discovered the same issue with Cryptic using ďContinueĒ a lot in the response button. I noted it sometimes where the ďBridge OfficerĒ says something in the dialog that clearly should be responded to by the player but is not. To me it is another tool for the author to use to draw the player deeper into the story you are trying to tell.

Another tool I use in my own stories is the [OOC] dialog if the playerís response needs to be longer than the button fields in the Foundry allow. I then use the button as the last line of that dialog. I canít really take credit for that as I saw it in other authorís mission and have adapted it for my own stories. Now I do recommend it to enhance the story telling within the story. Itís not something that is needed for every story or every dialog but it is an additional tool to use for storytelling. When you just canít fit the right response in those button fields the [OOC] dialog option may be right for you. Consult your doctor before trying [OOC].

I have one last thing to recommend. While youíll get folks who read this posting and will go try your mission you should create a forum posting here in the ďThe Foundry For Star Trek Online - Mission DatabaseĒ section. Youíll find you get even more people that will go and play it.

Thanks for authoring, keep up the good work.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by ABACINATE
NAME: IT'S JUST WRONG
AUTHOR: ABACINATE
MIN. RANK: 31+
ALLIEGANCE: FED
ID# ST-HPJZVJHX8
EST. LENGTH: 30-45MIN
REVIEW TYPE: FORUM POST
Federation Mission - It's Just Wrong
Author: ABACINATE
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPJZVJHX8

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a very interesting mission and a good concept. The maps are very well designed and the

The use of the response button "Continue" for various dialog throughout the mission. As Iíve said in many other reports this is a personal preference but I feel it is something to consider changing. The use of "Continue" can be appropriate in conjunction with some dialog but makes other dialog seem awkward. Acknowledging Cryptic uses the response button "Continue" quite a bit in their missions.

The last item is the use of [Rank] or [ShipName] with a coma followed by a capitalized word. For example "[Rank], The ship is ready to leave orbit". I realize this is an easy thing to miss as Iíve caught it in my own work on occasion. That is why it is always good to get a second set of eyes on a mission, especially the dialog.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a very simple write up. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. Consider changing the warning text to [OOC] in order to make it stand out from the regular mission text.

Grant Mission Dialog: The dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: The mission task provides a very clear start location. I noted no spelling errors.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a nice simple prompt. I noted no spelling errors.

MAPS:
Space Station: This is a good map design. I like the freighters around the station. It looks really good. The story dialog was well written. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Put it on screen" or something along those lines.
-The "Fleet Admiral Flannigan" dialog; consider changing "this mission and i am updating" to read "this mission and I am updating".
-Consider changing "granted with full immunity" to read "granted full immunity".
-The post Fleet Admiral dialog; "consider changing "[Rank], What could be" to read [Rank], what could be".
-The post "Approach space station" dialog; consider changing "[Rank], We are ready to beam down" to read "[Rank], we are ready to beam down".
-Consider changing the response button to this dialog from "Energize" to read "Let's go". This will make the "Map Transfer" text response button which comes up with "Energize" right after that make more sense..

The Bodega: The story dialog is well done and the map design is good. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Question the bartender" dialog; consider adding a period at the end of the response button "We're here on official Starfleet business".
-Consider adding a period at the end of "There's been no trouble here".
-Consider adding a period at the end of "I'm not missing any freighters".
-Consider changing the response button "ok, we'll do this the hard way" to read "Ok, we'll do this the hard way".
-The post "Smash console" dialog; consider adding a period at the end of the response button "I'm glad I have your attention".
-Consider changing "All i know is that" to read "All I know is that".
-Consider changing "The only thing i did notice" to read "The only thing I did notice".
-Consider changing "That's all i know" to read "That's all I know".
-The "Freighter Captain" dialog; consider changing "My lips are sealed [ShortName]" to read "My lips are sealed Starfleet". It would make more sense than the Freighter Captain knowing the characters name.
-Consider adding a period at the end of the response button "Prepare to beam out".
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider changing "Beam up to your ship" to read "[Rank], we have a lock on the away team".

Space Station#2: This is a good map design with a nice battle. The dialog is well written. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post Approach Freighters" dialog; consider adding a period at the end of the response button "Fire on my command".
-The post "Destroy Freighters" dialog; consider changing the response button "Good, Let's see if they are ready to talk" to read "Good, letís see if they are ready to talk".
-Consider adding a period at the end of the response button "Good, Letís see if they are ready to talk".
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider changing "Prepare to beam down" to read "Away team standing by [Rank]".

The Bodega#2: The map design is good and the dialog is very well written. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialog: consider adding a period to the end of the response button "Who cares, as long as they start talking".
-The "Question the freighter captains" dialog; consider changing "After that, i haven't" to read "After that, I haven't".
-Consider changing "That's all i know" to read "That's all I know".
-Consider changing "that's all i know" to read "that's all I know".
-The post "Question the freighter captains" dialog; consider changing "[Rank], We are ready to beam up" to read "[Rank], we are ready to beam up".
-Consider adding a period at the end of the response button "You have 30 seconds to get out of here".

Space Station#3: The map design is well done and the dialog is good. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialog; consider changing "[Rank], Those freighter captains" to read "[Rank], those freighter Captains".
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Very well" or something along those lines.
-Consider adding a period at the end of the response button "We have orders from Starfleet high command".
-Consider changing the response button "We have orders from Starfleet high command" to read "We have orders from Starfleet Command".
-Consider changing "[Rank], Once we have you" to read "[Rank], once we have you".
-Consider changing "[Rank], Lower your shields" to read "[Rank], lower your shields".
-Consider adding a period at the end of the response button "We are prepared to defend ourselves".
-The mission task says "Destroy Federation Ships" but there was only a single ship.
-The post "Destroy Federation Ships" dialog; consider changing "[Rank], This has gone too far" to read "[Rank], this has gone too far".
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider changing "Warp to Dera System" to read "Course laid in to the Dera System [Rank]".
-Consider changing the response button "Warp out" to read "Engage".

Dera System: This is a good map with really tough battles. The dialog is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialog; consider changing "[Rank], There are several" to read "[Rank], there are several"
-Consider adding a period at the end of the response button "Head to the planet's orbit". At this point I am going to stop noting this issue on any further dialog. I'll cover it in my summary.
-Consider changing the response button "Head to the planet's orbit, prepare the away team" to read "Standard orbit, standby away team".
-The post "Enter planet's orbit" dialog; consider changing "[Rank], Entering planet's orbit" to read "[Rank], entering planet's orbit.
-Consider changing "[ShipName] Stop where you are" to read "[ShipName] stop where you are". At this point I am going to stop noting this issue on any further dialog. I'll cover it in my summary.
-Consider spreading the attacking ships out a little more to give the player some chance.

Merchant Trading Post: This is a really well done map design and the dialog is very well written. The battle is tough but not impossible.
-The initial dialog consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Very well" or something along those lines. At this point I am going to stop noting each time this issue comes up on any further dialog. I'll note the map and cover it in my summary.
-The alien artifact dealer dialog; consider changing "What can i help you with" to read "What can I help you with".
-Consider changing "Sorry, i don't sell answers" to read "Sorry, I don't sell answers".
-Consider changing "But, seriuosly [Rank], how i can i help you" to read "But seriously [Rank], how can I help you".
-The "Liquor Merchant" dialog; consider changing the response button "Buy a bottle and i'll smash it over your head" to read "Buy a bottle and I'll smash it over your head".
-The "Tribble Merchant" dialog; consider changing "Now if you excuse me" to read "Now if you'll excuse me".
-Consider changing "i mean, i heard" to read "I mean, I heard".
-The "Grave Marker Merchant" dialog; consider changing the response button "Ive got a few questions for you" to read "I've got a few questions for you".

Dera System#2: The map design is ok and the battle is really tough. The dialog is good. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving the attacking ships further apart to give the player some chance.
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider changing the response button "Warp out" to read "Engage".
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Zenik System: This is a really good map design with a very tough battle. The dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Hidden Base: This is a really well designed map and the battles are tough. The dialog was well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The Fin'dar dialog; consider changing the response button "Why are you smuggling goods for the Fklhiri" to read "Why are you smuggling goods for the Feklhiri".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
In Starfleet Experimentation you are tasked with transporting an important scientific find back to Memory Alpha for further research. However the substance discovered seemingly has a life of it's own and puts you and your ship at risk. Story and Puzzle-based
Federation Mission - Starfleet Experimentation
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HBGP3ICQ4

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great investigative mission. The map design is good. The story dialog very well written and intriguing. The lack of battles of any kind is made up for in the dialog itself. I again did not note the words "energize" versus "energise" and "analyze versus analyse" understanding the difference between UK English and American English. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes a good investigative mission combined with good map design and puzzles.

Your puzzle development is very good. Although I would suggest adding a "Skip the puzzle" button option that leads directly to the correct answer. I would also make the same "Skip dialog" buttons Iíve recommended on other missions and use on my own as well for the longer dialogs.

I mention punctuation for response buttons as well as the use of the response button "Continue" on various maps dialog. These are not show stoppers by any stretch but simply an issue I felt worth noting for you to consider changing. Of course Iíve noticed how Cryptic uses the response button "Continue" in all the missions Iíve played since the beginning and I am considering reviewing some of their missions as well, if I can find the timeÖ

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.


Mission Description: This is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is detailed and well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: This task provides a detailed start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
JFS-47 System: This is a good map design. The dialog is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Meet with the U.S.S. Toledo" dialog; consider adding a period at the end of the response button "I'll beam over momentarily".
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider adding a period at the end of the response button "Yes, beam us across to the U.S.S. Toledo". From here on I will only note the maps where I recommend punctuation usage on the response buttons as an issue.

U.S.S. Toledo: This is an excellent map design with very detailed dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Lieutenant Jones" dialog; consider switching the response buttons on the initial dialog window. The "Thatís all Lieutenant" button should be last on the tree.
-The "Engineering Commander Farbolg" dialog; consider changing "What did you want" to read "What do you want".
-The response to "What do you think of Captain Thl'ryk" dialog; consider changing "Now if you've excuse me" to read "Now if you'll excuse me".
-The "Ensign Cabbot" dialog, the "Just trying to understand him" response dialog; consider changing the response button "Insistance on face-to-face" to read "Why does he insist on face-to-face". If you are going to keep this button as is then consider changing "Insistance" to read "Insistence".
-Iím not sure if this can be corrected based on the map you are using. The Captain is sitting far enough forward on the chair that it doesnít look as though he is sitting on the chair.
-This is just a general note on the button placement. I talked to all bridge officers to review the dialog and noted some of them had the "That's all BOFF" button in the first position. Consider moving them to the last position in the tree to ensure they are not the first thing a player selects. From this point forward I will indicate the maps were I find this.
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider changing "So are we ready, sir" to read "[Rank], we've got a lock on the away team". Along those lines then consider changing the response button "Yes, we are" to read "Energize". Yes, I understand the difference between UK "Energise" and US "Energize".

JFS-47 System: This is a really good map design. The story dialog is excellent and very intriguing. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I recommend checking punctuation usage on the response buttons.
-The post "Return to U.S.S. Toledo" dialog; consider changing the response button "Understood" to read "Make it so" or something along those lines.
-The log buoy dialog; the engineers report in the log is one of my engineering BOFF's. I recommend using "Engineering Commander Farbolg" character in this position.
-At the end of the log buoy dialog it is my engineering BOFF reporting "That's it sir". The character works there.
-The post "Scan for survivors" dialog; consider changing "had time to Abandon the ship" to read "had time to abandon ship".
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider changing the response button "Meet you there" to read "Let's go" or something along those lines.

Science Laboratory: The map design is very well done. The dialog is outstanding and the puzzles are well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving the spawn point slightly to the west on the map. The away team seems to bunch up on one side.
-Consider changing the response button "Spread out and start something" to read "Spread out and start looking for something".
-Consider moving the cylinder to the floor level. The location at the top of the crates seems unnecessary.
-The button placement for completion dialog is in the first position. Consider moving them to the last position in the tree to ensure they are not the first thing a player selects.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I am currently reviewing your "Hidden Intelligence" mission sequel. Keep up the great work.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
In Hidden Intelligence it follows up the previous story and you go and investigate the origins of this substance and along the way discover far more. Story and Puzzle-based.
Federation Mission - Hidden Intelligence
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HU6ZYFPS9

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a really great investigative mission. The map design is very well done. The dialog is good and this mission is a great sequel to the "Starfleet Experimentation" mission. There is no combat at all which Bazag clearly states in the description. I would highly recommend the mission to anyone who likes a good story combined with great map design.

In the report below I mention the use of the response button "Continue". As Bazag has submitted several of his missions to me for review to include the recently reviewed "Starfleet Experimentation" mission I wonít reiterate the issues I feel exist with the use of the response button "Continue". Weíll just leave it at consider changing them where needed to be appropriate to the dialog box they are associated with.

I wanted to start of this one by saying I actually enjoy the puzzles, but I noted some negative feedback on the STO mission feedback. Not a lot but even I felt from time to time they are a bit much. Thatís why I would recommend placing an "Easy" button for those that either arenít interested in solving them or cannot solve them for whatever reason. This is similar to my recommendation to put in "Skip Dialog" buttons so the player can skip to the parts they really need to play the mission. Again, I like a good story myself but it is something to consider.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: Consider moving the mission specific information to the top and moving the "Podcast" announcement to the bottom and changing it to [OOC] dialog so it stands out separate from the mission data. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a good dialog what make this mission a standalone not requiring you to have played the previous mission in the series. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: The mission task is not clear on where to start the mission. Even though it is provided in the description and grant mission dialog you should still add the start location in the task. This will make it easier to find the start location and will reduce the number of "I can't find where to start" feedback. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the first custom map (JFS-47) entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Memory Alpha (Cryptic Map): This is a good use of the Cryptic map design. The dialog is very detailed and well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post "Download Data" dialog; consider changing "Sir, It seems" to read "Sir, it seems".
-Consider changing "recorded attempts at Klingons doing" to read "recorded attempts of Klingons doing".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Some of the dialog regarding the previous mission "Starfleet Experimentation" seems a little confusing. Specifically the references to that mission seem to shift from the player having played that mission and not played it. I would recommend a good read through of the dialog chains and response buttons to see if that can be cleared up.

JFS-47: The map design is really well done. The story dialog is good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider changing "Is that all we should do here, sir" to read "Your orders, [Rank]".
-Consider changing the response button "Yes, set co-ordinates for the Gateway System" to read "Lay in a course to the Gateway system".

Gateway System: The story dialog is outstanding. The map design is well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Gateway: The map design is great, especially the trapping the smaller blob. The story dialog is very well written. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post "Find where Bob was found" dialog; consider changing the response button "any bob residual" to read "any Bob residual".
-The post "Pick up and check on Blob" dialog; consider changing "this new bob" to read "this new Bob".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The post "Bob and Blob attacking BOFF" dialog; consider changing "[OOC]Access the Console[/OOC]" to read "[MissionInfo] Access the Console[/MissionInfo]"
-Consider making an "Easy" button for those who have a hard time or are just not interested in solving the puzzle. Too much time spent solving the puzzle can irritate some players even if youíve warned them of the puzzles.

Ship Interior: The story dialog is outstanding. This map design is very well done. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Scan Crate" dialog; consider changing "[OOC]Scan the Crate[/OOC] to read "[MissionInfo]Scan the Crate[/MissionInfo].
-The "Cargo" dialog; consider changing "create a demi-intelligent substance" to read "create a semi-intelligent substance".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider making an "Easy" button for those who have a hard time or are just not interested solving the puzzle.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. Your work on this mission demonstrated a level of commitment to the development of a good old fashion TOS type mission and I really liked it.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
Memory Lane is the story of a Bajoran Admiral who relives his memories of the past during a traumatic time in Bajoran history. (Cardassians lvl 31+). Story-driven combat with multiple endings.
Federation Mission - Memory Lane
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HETTHJ7NH

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a outstanding mission with great map design, epic battles and good story dialog. It is a very compelling story. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who is looking for a good mix of very tough battles, a really good story, combined on fantastic maps.

I did note the use of the response button "Continue" on several of the maps and because you and others know my position on that I wonít go into more detail then what Iíve already mentioned below. However I did want to suggest you add a "Skip Dialog" button to the longer dialog chains. You can then create a summary of the dialog the player needs to continue the mission. This will reduce any negative feedback regarding the lengthier dialog you have in the mission.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a well written and detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a good short little dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: This is a good task with a clear location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Deep Space 9 Cargo Bay 4: This is a good map design and the dialog is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The "Vice Admiral Talar" dialog; consider changing "religious artifacts it was to up to Kai Kira" to read "religious artifacts it was up to the Kai Kira".
-Consider changing "just to keep a lookout for the orb" to read "just to keep an eye on the orb".
-The "about the Vice Admiral dialog; consider changing "when Bajor joined the federation" to read "when Bajor joined the Federation".
-Consider changing "would I like to have a lend of one of your holodecks for the purposes of securing" to read "I would like to have the use of one of your holodecks for security purposes".
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider adding a period at the end of the response button.

Deep Space Encounter: This is a really good map design and the dialog is outstanding. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The warp streaks; consider changing the entire map including the spawn point to face west on the map. Then use the "Weather StarStreaks West East 01". I did that on a mission I am currently developing and it looks pretty good.
-To help out the players who may not know better consider adding [OOC] dialog at the bottom of the initial dialog reminding the player to be sure and engage their impulse engines.

Cave System: The map design is well done and the story dialog is good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". This note applies to the initial dialog and the very end of the briefing. The use during the briefing fits.

Cardassian Development Base: This is a great map design. The story dialog is good and the battles are tough but not impossible. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the "Plant Explosive Charge" interaction to a kneeling interaction.
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Cardassian Building: The map design is great and the battles are tough but not impossible. The dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider adding re-spawn points further inside the map.

Cardassian Development Base: This is a great map design. The battles are tough but not impossible, especially if you by pass them. I liked the explosion of the charges effect. The dialog is good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The group of enemies directly east of the spawn point is Klingons.

Resistance Cave Stronghold: The map design is well done. The battles are very tough but not totally impossible to beat. The story dialog is really good. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". This note applies to the initial dialog but during the "Young Baz" conversation with his father including at the end of the map fits.
-Consider changing "he won't be able to walk butm" to read "he won't be able to walk but".
-Consider adding re-spawn points further inside the map.
-Consider changing "whatever happens with the federation fighting" to read "whatever happens with the Federation fighting"
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider changing "all we have to do" to read "All we have to do".

Ship Interior: This is a great mission wrap up map. The dialog is very well written and the map design is outstanding, especially the transporter pad. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is a great mission and I really enjoy playing/reviewing your missions. Great job!
Brian
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