Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 171
12-29-2011, 12:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
I hope that helps. Iíve tried to narrow the specific spelling issues down to the branching dialog buttons as best I can. I tried all the branching dialog and the ones indicated above are the only typos I found on that map.
Brian
Actually I meant the branching objectives, not just the dialogue. I.e., when you made the decision at the start of the map, it starts a series of triggers that allows you to reach the end of the map. There is a lot of trigger-based dialogue on that map which becomes active depending on your choices in the mission. A lot of it is similar, but not exactly... hence the difficulty in tracking it down =)

Anyway - dare I ask about the emotional impact of the mission, if any? You may recall you played my Good Intentions series as well, which "Search" picks up after on. I'd like to know how that went, too.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 172
12-29-2011, 12:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
Actually I meant the branching objectives, not just the dialogue. I.e., when you made the decision at the start of the map, it starts a series of triggers that allows you to reach the end of the map. There is a lot of trigger-based dialogue on that map which becomes active depending on your choices in the mission. A lot of it is similar, but not exactly... hence the difficulty in tracking it down =)

Anyway - dare I ask about the emotional impact of the mission, if any? You may recall you played my Good Intentions series as well, which "Search" picks up after on. I'd like to know how that went, too.
I chose to believe him. If that helps

The emotional impact was very good. I felt good in helping to rescue her. It was uplifting.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
Well - since you're here.

Can you have a look at "More than Just Missing" for me?

Lvl Req: 31+
Federation Mission - More Than Just Missing
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HN7BCF8XQ

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission. The map design is excellent. The story dialog is good and the battles are tough but fun. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes great story dialog with good map design and a mix of good tough battles. You did a great job on this mission including the branching dialog.

Below are very few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is an intriguing description. It is well written and I think it will serve to draw the player in and make them want to click "Hail".

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a very good dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[Rank], It's Captain Ford here" to read "[Rank], Captain Ford here".
-Consider changing "We need you to find him, rescue the U.S.S. Bazalope-D and if necessary prevent their discovery from falling into enemy hands" to read "We need you to find out what happened to him, his ship, and ensure their discovery doesn't fall into enemy hands".

Mission Task: This is a nice simple task with the start location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Elwing System: This is a nice simple map design. The story dialog is well written. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Science Officer dialog; consider adding a little more information on the U.S.S. Belfast. Up until this point there has been no mention of this ship so it seems odd for the BOFF to use the ships name without a clear link as to who they are and what they have to do with the readings.
-Consider changing the response button "Helm, Adjust course" to read "Helm, adjust course".
-The post "Reach Residual Neutrino Readings" dialog response button; consider changing "Agreed, Emergency power to shields" to read "Agreed, emergency power to shields".

Elwing System Almost: This is a really great map design and the battle was excellent. The story dialog was very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Bazalope-D" dialog; consider changing "[LastName], It's good to see you" to read "[LastName], it's good to see you".
-Consider changing the response button "Same here, Glad we've found you" to read "Same here, glad we've found you".
-The "Yellow Alert" dialog; consider changing "Sir, It's the Bazalope-D" to read "Sir, it's the Bazalope-D".
-The "Sir, I don't think we've met before" dialog; consider changing "I must had made a mistake" to read "I must have made a mistake".
-The post battle dialog; consider changing "there is an old earth saying" to read "there is an old Earth saying".
-Consider changing the dialog response button "Yes, Send your science officer over" to read "Yes. Send your science officer over".
-The "Yes, I'll send my science officer over" dialog response button; consider adding a period at the end of the response button.
-The "Scan DS9 like station" tactical officer dialog; consider changing "here in this world too" to read "here in this universe too".

Deep Space 9 (Not Quite): The map design is good and the story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one thing to consider changing:
-The "Check Station Log" dialog; consider changing the response button "So what did you think happened" to read "So what do you think happened".

Elwing System Almost: This is a really good map design with a great battle. The dialog is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Science Officer Nirol" dialog; the dialog starts with Nirol and switches to my science BOFF in the second dialog window and then back to Nirol in the third. It seems odd since the response button to the second window is "Nirol".
-The post battle dialog; consider changing "we went through it's pretty lightly" to read "we went through it's pretty light".
-Consider changing "including matter-antiimatter reactions" to read "including matter-antimatter reactions".

Deep Space 9 (Not Quite): This is a good map design. The story dialog is excellent and without giving anything from the story away, the bad guys are a nice diversion. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Elwing System Almost: This is a great map design with a very tough second battle. The story dialog is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Initial dialog; consider changing "I'm reading more of these ships inbound" to read "I'm reading more of those ships inbound".
-The post battle tactical BOFF dialog; consider changing "I'd hate to say it" to read "I hate to say it".
-The Bazalope-D and the Jemíhadar ships are both destroyed in the second battle. You may want to tone down that battle a little as it is hard to communicate with a ship that is destroyed.

U.S.S. Bazalope-D: This is a good map design with well written wrap up dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The "Vice Admiral Talar" dialog; consider changing "Yes, that is that what we" to read "Yes, that is what we".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is a great mission, and I really enjoyed playing it.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 174
12-30-2011, 03:34 PM
Once again thanks.

If I could have I would have triggered a dialogue and an NPC contact to appear on allied 'deaths'. So I could pretend that they were disabled instead of destroyed. Unfortunately I can't as I can't use 'component complete' to trigger off an allied group though you can use it to trigger off an enemy group. Go figure - allied groups are just unavailable in the list.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 175
12-30-2011, 04:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
Once again thanks.

If I could have I would have triggered a dialogue and an NPC contact to appear on allied 'deaths'. So I could pretend that they were disabled instead of destroyed. Unfortunately I can't as I can't use 'component complete' to trigger off an allied group though you can use it to trigger off an enemy group. Go figure - allied groups are just unavailable in the list.
No problem. Glad to help as always.

I was pretty sure you can't set up an NPC that appears. Maybe we'll get lucky and one day they'll add that ability to the things we can do.

Thanks again for authoring.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 176
01-02-2012, 02:11 PM
Mission Name: Lineage
Author: Captain_Revo
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-ST-HM96NBUCK
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Mins
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Hi,

id like to throw Lineage up for review. The main area I really need help is spelling and grammar as proof reading is something I'm not very good at and no matter how many times i go over it I miss stuff, so I'd appreciate a keen eye going over it.

Please keep in mind I am from England so use the British spelling (honour rather than honor etc).

I hope you enjoy it.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 177
01-02-2012, 04:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain_Revo
Mission Name: Lineage
Author: Captain_Revo
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-ST-HM96NBUCK
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Mins
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Hi,

id like to throw Lineage up for review. The main area I really need help is spelling and grammar as proof reading is something I'm not very good at and no matter how many times i go over it I miss stuff, so I'd appreciate a keen eye going over it.

Please keep in mind I am from England so use the British spelling (honour rather than honor etc).

I hope you enjoy it.
I will take a look this evening. Thanks for the note on your origin for spelling reference.

Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain_Revo
Mission Name: Lineage
Author: Captain_Revo
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-ST-HM96NBUCK
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Mins
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Hi,

id like to throw Lineage up for review. The main area I really need help is spelling and grammar as proof reading is something I'm not very good at and no matter how many times i go over it I miss stuff, so I'd appreciate a keen eye going over it.

Please keep in mind I am from England so use the British spelling (honour rather than honor etc).

I hope you enjoy it.
Federation Mission - Lineage
Author: Captain_Revo
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HM96NBUCK

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a fantastic mission. Your attention to detail in your map design is outstanding and the story dialog was great. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes a great story combined with excellent map design and good, tough battles. In case it is clear, I think this is a great mission!

You will notice I listed a couple of areas where you used the response button "Continue". In some of the dialog it is perfectly valid to use it. In others I felt you should use something else more appropriate to the dialog. More specifically I would recommend you consider any response button to a report made by a BOFF or anything from the NPC directed at the player should be responded to.

I did like your use of the [OOC] dialog for the extended responses from the player. I have seen this used in other missions and I too have started using that in the new mission I am developing. It is a good tool to allow the story to flow and give the player more of a feel of being part of the whole story. I would only add perhaps make the last line of the [OOC] dialog the response button.

Below are a several things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a very detailed and intriguing description. It makes me want to click the "Hail" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialog: The dialog is very well written. I like the feeling of friendship implied in the dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the upmost importance and require [ShipName] to report" to read "the upmost importance and requires the [ShipName] to report".

Mission Task: This is a good mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a nice simple use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Bhea System: This is a really good map design. The dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Rolara Prime: This is an excellent map design. The dialog was outstanding. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "King Maknor" dialog; consider changing "Your federation has given" to read "Your Federation has given".
-Consider changing "They are off limit, as I'm sure you understand" to read "They are off limits, as Iím sure you understand".
-The "Historian" dialog; consider changing the response button "You meet them personally" to read "You met them personally".
-Consider changing the response button "Why did you isolate yourself" to read "Why did you isolate yourselves".
-The "Why did you isolate yourself" dialog; consider changing "but it seems were naive" to read "but it seems we're naive".
-The "They turned on you" dialog; consider changing "We could not afford to lose than many people" to read "We could not afford to lose that many people".
-Consider changing "energy into creating" to read "energy in creating".
-The post "Examine the Symbol" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "It is interesting" or something along those lines.
-The "Rolarian Doctor" post "This data looks complicated" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Thank you for your help" or something along those lines. This will be the last note of the use of the word "Continue" in the response button. Iíll cover it in the summary.

Rolar Prime Under Attack: This is a really well designed map. The dialog is good and the battles are a good challenge. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The post first battle dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Acknowledged" or something along those lines.

Rolara Prime Revisited: The map design and battles are well done. The dialog is well written. That way you donít have to use the "Continue" button. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Klingon" dialog; consider changing "I do not hear the words of liers" to read "I do not hear the words of liars".
-The "Player Dialog with the Admiral"; consider changing "The klingons have taken over" to read "The Klingons have taken over".
-The post "Admiral" dialog; consider changing "The klingons are only" to read "The Klingons are only".

The New Palace: This is a great map design and the battles are good. The story dialog is well written. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing some of the reach points that trigger the reinforcements. There were several battles that by the time I got there most of the fighting was over.

Stopping Durran: The map design is outstanding and the battles are tough but not impossible. The dialog is great and this is a great wrap up to the mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Prince Satto" dialog; consider changing "I can not stop you" to read "I cannot stop you".
-The "Admiral" dialog; consider changing "I can only hope you are right, The Federation can't" to read "I only hope you are right, the Federation can't".

---------End Report----------

Thanks for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the mission from start all the way through to the finish.
Brian

This critique report also filed 01/02/2012 on forum posting for: My new mission - Lineage - is now out.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 179
01-03-2012, 01:16 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
Thanks for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the mission from start all the way through to the finish.
Brian

This critique report also filed 01/02/2012 on forum posting for: My new mission - Lineage - is now out.
Thank you for the review. Much appreciated. I will get those errors cleaned up.

I'm very glad you enjoyed it, thanks again.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 180
01-03-2012, 08:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain_Revo
Thank you for the review. Much appreciated. I will get those errors cleaned up.

I'm very glad you enjoyed it, thanks again.
Glad I could help. Thanks for giving me the chance to review your work.

Brian
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