Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 1 New Mission - The Siege Part 1
01-08-2012, 11:14 PM
Hey guys, when the foundry was first released I wrote a script for a mission and actually completed it, but never published it to holodeck. I've had some time lately and decided to pick up where I left off.

I've resurrected the script, updated it slightly, and published it

Can be found by searching for The Siege Part 1

my name is Cruis.In. It is sort of a homage to the siege of AR-558, that awesome ds9 episode.

"Aid an embattled Starfleet Marine Squad on a key planet in the Pi Canis Sector"

Here is a trailer Rachael Garret did for it way back when!

http://vimeo.com/18224170

The initial reviews on tribble were positive when first released. Let me know what you think and if you find any typo or other logical errors.

Recommended for advanced players, but can be played at any level. Even try a group or a team mate if you like.

Appreciate that if you like it, you tell your friends, I'll finish the final two episodes if it gets enough interest
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
01-09-2012, 08:36 PM
you have to be a reviewer to see the mission, just click the button to turn on reviewing.

not sure why u have to be one to play a mission but whatever.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruis.In View Post
Mission Name: The Siege Part 1
Author: Cruis.In
Minimum Level: Any Level (recommended high level)
Allegiance: F
ST-(Mission ID Number) : Not sure?
Estimated Mission Length: 22 Mins
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post


thanks alot in advance!
Federation Mission - The Siege Part 1
Author: Cruis.In
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HD8V8PCO8

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a really good mission concept. Your story is great and the battles are tough. The final battle is epic and a lot of fun. I would definitely recommend this mission to anyone who likes interacting tasks mixed with dialog and epic battles near the end. Donít be thrown off by the volume of items listed on the last map. I really liked this mission.

The "UGC Contact" issue listed below is a result of the default in the Foundry if do not name the NPC. This is a minor detail but when you interact with the character it is a little distracting. Some of the interaction tasks need just a little adjustment to the button name and the actually animation associated with the interaction. I made recommendation on each below for you to consider. I would also recommend throwing in some battles during the interaction tasks to mix it up a bit. One last thing to consider is creating some costumes to make up the Marines so they donít look like generic Starfleet personnel.

Below are a few items I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is an interesting description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding a little more to the mission description. You want to draw the player in and make them want to click "Hail".

Grant Mission Dialog: The dialog is good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding a little more detail to this dialog. As above you want to draw the player in and make them want to click "Accept".

Mission Task: You should add the start location of the first custom map to the initial task. Even though you included it in the "Grant Mission" dialog you need to provide it in the task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Map 1: This is a nice simple map design. The story dialog is excellent. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The "Understood" response dialog; consider changing "We'll be beaming over to the shipname extensive supplies" to read "We'll be beaming over to the [ShipName] extensive supplies".

Donatu: This is a really good map design. The dialog is well written. I only noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Prepare an away team" dialog; consider changing "the remains of the federation and klingon fleets" to read "the remains of the Federation and Klingon fleets".
-The space explosions look good. Some of the Klingon ships look like they are in formation instead of adrift. Consider changing the headings to look more random as if adrift.

Donatu 1: This is a good map design. The interacting tasks are well thought out and the battles are very tough. The epic fighting at the very end was a lot of fun. I noted several items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the "Speak to Captin Anderson" task to read "Speak to Captain Anderson".
-Captain Anderson is labeled as "UGC Contact" which is the default for an NPC name in the Foundry. This of course makes the button "Talk to UGC Contact".
-The "Explore the camp" task; consider changing the interacting animation with the console to leaning and typing or some interaction animation appropriate to the console.
-The first "Examine Base" task; consider changing the interaction animation with the console to leaning and typing or some interaction animation appropriate to the console.
-All the tables and chairs are hanging on the side of the hill in mid air. There is also a platform that is partially buried in the ground.
-The second "Examine Base" task; consider changing the interaction animation with the console to leaning and typing or some interaction animation appropriate to the console.
-The post second "Examine Base" dialog; consider changing "layout of the base now Quite a bit of work to do" to read "layout of the base now. Quite a bit of work to do".
-I assume the response button was to say "proceed at maximum warp".
-Crewman Conner is also labeled as "UGC Contact".
-The "Crewman Conner" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Let's get to work" or something along those lines.
-The "Check the first Inhibitor" interaction button says "Interact" which is the default. Consider changing it to read "Scan Inhibitor" or something along those lines.
-The "Check Second Inhibitor" interaction button says "Interact" which is the default. Consider changing it to read "Scan Inhibitor" or something along those lines.
-The post "Check Second Inhibitor" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Good. Letís fix the inhibitor" or something along those lines.
-Did you mean to call this interact object "Inhibitor" vice "Enhancer"?
-The "Fix the Enhancer" interaction button says "Adjust Enhancer". This is what I mean with the other interactions.
-The task that should be "Speak to Crewman Conner" or something along those lines is labeled "Check the Inhibitor".
-All the injured NPC's are labeled "UGC Contact" consider naming them. Also one of them is standing on a plant.
-Doctor Jones is also labeled as "UGC Contact".
-The Marine to be examined is the one standing on the plant. Consider placing a smaller object on the ground next to him to trigger the examination. In addition change the "Interact" button to read "Examine Marine" or something along those lines.
-Who is the NPC that warned of the Klingons entering orbit?
-You should consider spreading the fighting among the other tasks to mix it up a bit more.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission. I look forward to playing and reviewing part 2.
Brian

This critique report also filed 01/09/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
01-10-2012, 03:34 PM
hello, thank you again for the review.

I've adjusted most of what you suggested.

I didn't see a damaged klingon ship in the detail part...

-Consider changing the "Speak to Captin Anderson" task to read "Speak to Captain Anderson". - Fixed
-Captain Anderson is labeled as "UGC Contact" which is the default for an NPC name in the Foundry. This of course makes the button "Talk to UGC Contact". Fixed all UGC contacts, that was bugging me, blame my noobishness.

Quote:
-The "Explore the camp" task; consider changing the interacting animation with the console to leaning and typing or some interaction animation appropriate to the console.
-The first "Examine Base" task; consider changing the interaction animation with the console to leaning and typing or some interaction animation appropriate to the console.
-All the tables and chairs are hanging on the side of the hill in mid air. There is also a platform that is partially buried in the ground.
-The second "Examine Base" task; consider changing the interaction animation with the console to leaning and typing or some interaction animation appropriate to the console.
-The post second "Examine Base" dialog; consider changing "layout of the base now Quite a bit of work to do" to read "layout of the base now. Quite a bit of work to do".
-I assume the response button was to say "proceed at maximum warp".
-Crewman Conner is also labeled as "UGC Contact".
-The "Crewman Conner" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Let's get to work" or something along those lines.
-The "Check the first Inhibitor" interaction button says "Interact" which is the default. Consider changing it to read "Scan Inhibitor" or something along those lines.
-The "Check Second Inhibitor" interaction button says "Interact" which is the default. Consider changing it to read "Scan Inhibitor" or something along those lines.
-The post "Check Second Inhibitor" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Good. Letís fix the inhibitor" or something along those lines.
-Did you mean to call this interact object "Inhibitor" vice "Enhancer"?
-The "Fix the Enhancer" interaction button says "Adjust Enhancer". This is what I mean with the other interactions.
-The task that should be "Speak to Crewman Conner" or something along those lines is labeled "Check the Inhibitor".
FIXED ABOVE



-All the injured NPC's are labeled "UGC Contact" consider naming them. Also one of them is standing on a plant. -FIXED
-Doctor Jones is also labeled as "UGC Contact". FIXED
-The Marine to be examined is the one standing on the plant. Consider placing a smaller object on the ground next to him to trigger the examination. In addition change the "Interact" button to read "Examine Marine" or something along those lines.
-Who is the NPC that warned of the Klingons entering orbit? - Captain Anderson with her hair tied back and wearing armor Seriously why can't they put names of UGC contacts in the windows yet


-You should consider spreading the fighting among the other tasks to mix it up a bit more. Map is full on enemies.

Part 2 and 3 should be better! Will complete both first before releasing, so both parts can be played at the same time, since you are remaining in the theatre.

Might be worth another run through if you like

Updated the mission giver dialogue, and the up front stuff too. I had written it a year ago and never changed it. Made it more compelling now.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
01-10-2012, 10:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruis.In View Post
hello, thank you again for the review.

I've adjusted most of what you suggested.

I didn't see a damaged klingon ship in the detail part...
I was referring to the fleet of damaged ships in orbit. Both Federation and Klingon ships most looked good there were just a few that caught my attention. Most players wonít notice it. The explosions looked really good.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruis.In View Post
-Consider changing the "Speak to Captin Anderson" task to read "Speak to Captain Anderson". - Fixed
-Captain Anderson is labeled as "UGC Contact" which is the default for an NPC name in the Foundry. This of course makes the button "Talk to UGC Contact". Fixed all UGC contacts, that was bugging me, blame my noobishness.
Donít be that hard on yourself. Itís an easy and fairly common mistake. It always helps to have an outside set of eyes look over your mission. Thatís what I try to offer with my mission reviews. I appreciate your efforts. Judging by the other playerís ratings I saw last night Iíd say Iím not the only one who likes your mission.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruis.In View Post
-All the injured NPC's are labeled "UGC Contact" consider naming them. Also one of them is standing on a plant. -FIXED
-Doctor Jones is also labeled as "UGC Contact". FIXED
-The Marine to be examined is the one standing on the plant. Consider placing a smaller object on the ground next to him to trigger the examination. In addition change the "Interact" button to read "Examine Marine" or something along those lines.
-Who is the NPC that warned of the Klingons entering orbit? - Captain Anderson with her hair tied back and wearing armor. Seriously why can't they put names of UGC contacts in the windows yet.
The NPC in the dialog just looked different so I wasnít sure who it was. Perhaps have her in armor the whole time.

When naming the NPCís on the maps there are two fields, the "Name" field and the "Contact" field. The Name field is how it appears on the "Map" in the editor to make it easier to distinguish each NPC. I believe it also serves as the label on the "Map" during game play. The Contact field is what determines how the "Talk to Captain Anderson" button displays.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruis.In View Post
-You should consider spreading the fighting among the other tasks to mix it up a bit more. Map is full on enemies.
What I meant by that comment was to take the existing enemies and spread the triggers throughout the ground mission portion. For example have some of the enemies beam and fight while the player is checking the perimeter. Maybe they are leftover troops from the previous fighting. The suggestion was made to mix it up a bit and keep the player on their toes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruis.In View Post
Part 2 and 3 should be better! Will complete both first before releasing, so both parts can be played at the same time, since you are remaining in the theatre.
I am looking forward to playing/reviewing the sequels. So stop reading this and get back to work on them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruis.In View Post
Might be worth another run through if you like.

Updated the mission giver dialogue, and the up front stuff too. I had written it a year ago and never changed it. Made it more compelling now.
You did a great job on the development of this mission. I am glad I could offer my help to tweak it a little. I want to thank you for taking the time to author the mission and the series. As an author myself I know it is a lot of work. Keep it up your doing good and it is appreciated.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
01-11-2012, 08:13 AM
Quote:
I was referring to the fleet of damaged ships in orbit. Both Federation and Klingon ships most looked good there were just a few that caught my attention. Most players wonít notice it. The explosions looked really good.
I meant that I could not find any ships in the foundry that were klingon eheh...that looked disabled.

I'll try looking again. The planet combat was updated. You now see an orbital strike and explosion and fires and smoke.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 7
01-11-2012, 05:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruis.In View Post
I meant that I could not find any ships in the foundry that were klingon eheh...that looked disabled.

I'll try looking again. The planet combat was updated. You now see an orbital strike and explosion and fires and smoke.
No problem. I was just referring to them all facing the same direction. The explosions look great.

Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 8
01-16-2012, 08:03 AM
I hope to launch part 2 + 3 tomorrow with the launch of F2p!

after that, its a break from foundry for me, level a fed char, kdf char, play my other characters.

then gonna do some small skirmish missions, or like fun games...not full missions, but fun stuff ( i hope )

then after that some one off episodes with less combat more interaction and choices.

edit 18th: had a work project keep me back and continue to keep me back. By the weekend for sure though!
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