Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 1 The Pioneer Series by Kahn
10-30-2011, 12:16 PM
Greetings Everyone,

I wanted to announce that my Pioneer series is complete and available for play! This 3 part series will take you on a historical adventure, test your skills in combat, and possibly plunge the known universe into darkness for all eternity. This series is made up of 3 smaller missions that tell a big story, so it shouldn't take very long to make it though all 3 parts. It's very rich in story, and should keep everyone entertained.

I highly recommend playing all 3 in order, and if you played them previously, I suggest playing them though one more time. I'm always adding to the missions to spice them up so you may encounter something new. It is also highly suggested you bring appropriate gear for your ship and captain/crew as some of the encounters can be difficult.

So without any further delay here's the 3 part series, complete with Starbase UGC Wiki pages. Also a quick shout out to the Starbase UGC folks for all the great video's and support that helped to make these missions possible. I also welcome feedback so leave a comment or send me a PM with your comments / suggestions about the missions.

Thanks,
Kahn

Part 1: Frontier Pioneer
Project ID: ST-HHCH7436S
Language: English
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 16+
Description: Starfleet has intercepted a transmission of unknown origin in the Beytan System. The signal is very weak and Starfleet would like you to investigate further.
Part 2: Pioneering the Frontier
Project ID: ST-HTW3J5HEY
Language: English
Faction: Starfleet
Level 16+
Description: After Starfleet Engineers have uncoded the data from the Pioneer 11 spacecraft they discover something... disturbing. Starfleet has ordered you to the Alpha Centauri Sector to stop the Romulans from taking advantage. Meet Admiral T'Lee in the Terrh System for further instructions.
Part 3: The Final Pioneer
Project ID: ST-HLTBEX8IN
Language: English
Faction: Starfleet
Level 16+
Description: Admiral T'Lee's Assistant has sent you a private communication requesting your help. She wishes you to meet her at Earth Space Dock to help her unfold the mystery surrounding her recent disappearance. Meet her and save the Admiral from certain peril before time runs out, and The Master enslaves all the life forums in the known universe. Boldy go, to The Final Pioneer.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kahn View Post
Part 1: Frontier Pioneer
Project ID: ST-HHCH7436S
Language: English
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 16+
Description: Starfleet has intercepted a transmission of unknown origin in the Beytan System. The signal is very weak and Starfleet would like you to investigate further.
Federation Mission: Frontier Pioneer
Author: Kahn
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HHCH7436S

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission and an excellent start to the series. Your map design and effect execution was quite well done. The ground battles were tough but I consider them balanced as long as you ask for help. The space battles at the end are good and tough too.

The dialog for this mission is very well written and executed quite well. It served the story and kept me interested in finding out what was coming next. You did a great job on the story and the dialog that drove it. One point that I call out below on two different maps is in regard to referring to the Sol system as “our system”. The purpose of my recommendations for both maps is based on the concept that not all players characters or their away teams will be from the Sol system. So it can be a little awkward.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: Good description. You gave a clear mission start location. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Grant Mission Dialog: Great dialog with a clearly defined mission start location. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: Great use of the Map Text for the first custom map entry location. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: Good entry prompt dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the dialog; "She has also ordered us on radio silence" to read "She has also ordered us to maintain radio silence". This change would sound a little more military.

MAPS:
Beytan II: Good simple map design with great dialog that serves to drive the story forward. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Admiral T'Lee dialog; consider changing "This planet is still an active investigation so make a special effort to disturb nothing" to read "There is still an active investigation of this planet underway so make a special effort to disturb nothing".

Beytan II Surface: This is a great map and the dialog is very well written. The battles are challenging and the assistance definitely helps. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Post Scan Reading Admiral T'Lee dialog; consider changing the [OOC] dialog "and she grabs it" to read "and she takes it". Unless the intent is to indicate the Admiral is impatient or angry with the player.
-Post Scan Additional Probe Debris dialog; consider changing "around our solar system" to read "around the Sol star system". The reason for this recommendation is my away team science officer is a Reman. ;o)
-You should consider placing a re-spawn point closer to the fight.

Colony Building: The dialog is very well written and the map design is good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing some of the response buttons from “Continue” to the Captain responding to input from the crew, “Let’s go” or something along those lines as appropriate to the preceding dialog.

Beytan II Orbit: This is a great map. The dialog is very well written and served to drive the story to a good conclusion for this episode of the series. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Post battle dialog; consider changing the response button on the last dialog screen with the Romulan to “Close Channel” vice “End Channel”
-Bridge Science Officer dialog; as before consider changing "our solar system" to read "the Sol star system"

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I am looking forward to playing your other mission in this series. I want to see where this goes next.
Brian

This critique report also filed 11/01/2011 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kahn View Post
Part 2: Pioneering the Frontier
Project ID: ST-HTW3J5HEY
Language: English
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 16+
Description: After Starfleet Engineers have uncoded the data from the Pioneer 11 spacecraft they discover something... disturbing. Starfleet has ordered you to the Alpha Centauri Sector to stop the Romulans from taking advantage. Meet Admiral T'Lee in the Terrh System for further instructions.
Federation Mission: Pioneering the Frontier
Author: Kahn
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HTW3J5HEY

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: I thoroughly enjoyed this mission. The story elements in the dialog were well written and propelled the story forward from one event to the next. Your map design was excellent and the effects on them were very well executed. The battles you designed are tough but a good challenge requiring some tactics in the engagement of the enemy. This mission overall is a great sequel to the first mission and an excellent bridge to the next episode in the series. I highly recommend this mission. It is a good story driven investigation with challenging battles throughout to keep you on your toes.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: Good description. You gave a clear mission start location. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Engineers have uncoded" to read "Engineers have decoded".

Grant Mission Dialog: The dialog is very well written and drives the story. The mission start location is very clearly given in the dialog and at the end in the mission dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The "Greetings" at the start of the dialog refers to me by Rank and First Name.

Mission Task: The mission task is very clearly given and easy to follow. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: The entry prompt dialog is good and the use of the button was well done.

MAPS:
Terrh III: The story dialog and map design are quite good. The battle is a good surprise and just about right in difficulty. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Admiral T'Lee dialog; she refers to me by Rank and First Name.
-Consider changing "I wish it were on better" to read "I wish it were under better".
-Consider changing "What is not known and wasn't known until you uncovered the computer core" to read "What wasn't known until you recovered the computer core".
-The scan beacons dialog; consider changing the response buttons from "Continue" to "Set course" or something along those lines.
-The post scan Texas dialog; consider changing the response buttons from "Continue" to "That is unusual" or something that a Captain might say to their bridge officer to acknowledge the report.
-The post scan Texas Admiral T’Lee dialog; she refers to me by Rank and First Name.
-Consider changing "we have left of what" to read "we have left or what".

U.S.S. Texas Interior: The dialog and map design are well done. The triggering of the rumble and explosion effects is very well done. The battles are tough but very well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Post access Romulan computer dialog; consider changing the response button from “Continue” to an acknowledgement of the Tactical Officers report and about having my back. This issue seems to be in a lot of dialog. You should consider examining all response buttons to address this issue where applicable. I will not note further in this report.
-Science officer dialog; consider changing "spread though this deck" to read "spread through this deck".
-Consider changing "Perhaps if we can access the computer system we can find out more" to read "If we can access the computer system we may be able to find out more".
-The last battle is very tough so you might want to consider adding a re-spawn somewhere closer that triggers in the explosion before the last console and before the last battle.
-Go to bridge dialog; consider changing "I suspect what we are looking for has to be there" to read "I suspect what we are looking is there".
-Consider changing "as i'm also" to read "as I'm also".

Texas Bridge: This map was very well designed and the execution of the effects was very well done. The dialog was well written and served to drive the story forward. The battle was tough but a good challenge. Well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Post battle Admiral T'Lee dialog; she refers to me by Rank and First Name.
-Post energy ball scan dialog; away team officer refers to me by Rank and First Name.
-Beam out dialog; consider changing "the bridge officer cant" to read "the bridge officer can't".
-The bridge officer again refers to me by Rank and First Name.

Terrh III Orbit: Nice simple map with well written dialog that brings this chapter to a close. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted only one item that seemed to not work:
-The Texas I assume was supposed to explode and disappear. There was no explosion however I also know there is a bug in the space explosions effects within the Foundry. There is nothing you can do about this until they fix that issue but I thought you should know about it.

---------End Report----------

Thanks for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This mission is an excellent sequel and I can hardly wait to play the next episode in the series.
Brian

This critique report also filed 11/02/2011 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
11-03-2011, 10:32 AM
Thank you Evil70th, for your in depth review of the missions. I will defiantly take into consideration some of your suggestions and implement them into the existing missions. I look forward to your take on the final episode.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
11-03-2011, 07:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kahn View Post
Thank you Evil70th, for your in depth review of the missions. I will defiantly take into consideration some of your suggestions and implement them into the existing missions. I look forward to your take on the final episode.
You are quite welcome. It combines two of my favorite things. As an author myself I love playing missions and reviewing content to help the authors make their missions even better. Many times I see things in a mission that give me ideas for my own missions. When the mission is great then we all benefit from the additional play.

Thank you for authoring.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kahn View Post
Part 3: The Final Pioneer
Project ID: ST-HLTBEX8IN
Language: English
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 16+
Description: Admiral T'Lee's Assistant has sent you a private communication requesting your help. She wishes you to meet her at Earth Space Dock to help her unfold the mystery surrounding her recent disappearance. Meet her and save the Admiral from certain peril before time runs out, and The Master enslaves all the life forums in the known universe. Boldly go, to The Final Pioneer.
Federation Mission: The Final Pioneer
Author: Kahn
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HLTBEX8IN

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This sequel mission is very well written, the maps are well designed with good effect execution. The battles from space to the ground are tough but not impossible if you use tactics and cover. You did a great job in the overall design of the entire series. I thoroughly enjoyed playing each of the missions and seeing where the story was going to go next. You drew me in and held my attention throughout. Another element of your writing was the [OOC] dialog in the story to help set the mood and describe what was going on in the story. This element made the story much more involved and enjoyable.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Grant Mission Dialog: This dialog is very well written with a clearly defined mission start location. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-You should consider giving the Admiral’s assistant a name. It seems a little awkward for her to refer to herself as the Admiral’s assistant when closing the communications.

Mission Task: The mission task is well written and the interact NPC location is easy to find on the map. I noted no spelling errors with this task. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the mission task more clearly define the location of the follow on meeting in the lower levels of ESD. Something like “in a room” that way the player will actively look for the door they are to use to access the first custom map.

Mission Entry Prompt: Excellent mission entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Earth Space Dock (Actual) : Good dialog and I won’t give you credit for the design. I would like to compliment you on using the lower level of ESD. I have not seen the lower level used as an entry point for any other missions yet. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-At the end of the Admiral’s Assistant dialog; consider changing the response button to “Thank you” or “We’ll keep you posted” or something along those lines.
-Ships Engineer [OOC] dialog; consider changing “as you are haled” to “as you are hailed”.
-Consider changing “but may be worth” to read “but it may be worth”.

ESD Lower Level Storage Room: The dialog is great and serves to draw me into the story. The map design is nice and simple. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Jel Trax dialog; consider changing "It mission was" to read "Its mission was".
-Consider changing "then reported back to the Master" to read "then report back to the Master"
-Consider changing "give up with their new cause" to read "give up their new cause".
-Consider changing "I won't get into detail" to read "I won't go into detail"
-Consider changing the response button "so where is the Signal?" to read "So where is the signal?"

Sarita VII: This map is very well designed and the battle is well balanced. The dialog is also very well written. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Tactical Officer dialog; consider changing "I'm reviving a hail" to "I'm receiving a hail".

Utopia Bridge: The dialog is very well written and I like the twist in the panel activation. The map design and detail execution is very well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Log Entry - Stardate 27810.47 dialog; consider changing "initially began work to it" to read "initially began working on it".
-Consider changing "The Master doesn't stand for delays" to read "The Master won't stand for delays".
-Log Entry - Stardate 27890.98 dialog; consider changing "would not like to be delayed" to read "will not tolerate any delay".
-Log Entry - Stardate 27900.10 dialog; consider changing "was installed quickly earlier" to read "has been installed ahead of schedule".
-Post log entry dialog; consider changing "clearly studding the" to read "clearly studying the".

Planet Surface: This map is an excellent design and the execution of the effects as they are triggered is well done. The dialog is great and serves to drive the story forward. The battles are tough but not bad if you use tactics and cover. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Initial entry dialog; the Away Team Engineering Officer refers to the player by the first name.
-Post 2nd console interact dialog; the Away Team Tactical Officer refers to the player by the first name.
-Admiral T’Lee dialog; opposite of the other notes for this map it is perfectly appropriate for the Admiral to refer to the player by the first name.
-Jel Trax dialog; consider changing "a calming chirp of the computer" to read "the calming chirp of the computer.

U.S.S. Utopia: The story dialog is excellent and a great wrap up to the entire mission series. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider making Lt. Bisik stationary. It is annoying when you are reading his dialog and he runs off which closes the window.
-Jel Trax dialog; consider changing "should he succeeded" to read "if he would've succeeded"
-Consider moving Jel Trax’s handshake from Admiral T’Lee’s dialog to the beginning of her dialog with the player.

---------End Report----------

Thanks for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I look forward to playing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 11/03/2011 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 7
11-03-2011, 09:54 PM
I applied pretty much all of these suggestions to the missions in the series. Thank you again for lending a second pair of eyes to the story. I think it fleshed things out and made them feel a bit more complete.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 8
11-05-2011, 11:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kahn View Post
I applied pretty much all of these suggestions to the missions in the series. Thank you again for lending a second pair of eyes to the story. I think it fleshed things out and made them feel a bit more complete.
No problem. I enjoyed the missions and I like to help where I can.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 9
01-16-2012, 05:30 PM
Hey All,

Here's a shameless bump for my missions. I always welcome some feedback on the series. PM me or leave a comment in the review.
Reply

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