Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 11
12-30-2011, 06:22 PM
Hey Revo, we did a review of your mission on BitesizeUGC. Give it a looksee here!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 12
12-31-2011, 02:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
Hey Revo, we did a review of your mission on BitesizeUGC. Give it a looksee here!
hey, thanks for the video review. very nice and glad you liked it.

by the way your mission, The Search for Niemy was spectacular. I loved every minute of it. I may have to start using the warp effect between systems to cut down map transitions.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain_Revo
Mission Name: Lineage
Author: Captain_Revo
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-ST-HM96NBUCK
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Mins
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Hi,

id like to throw Lineage up for review. The main area I really need help is spelling and grammar as proof reading is something I'm not very good at and no matter how many times i go over it I miss stuff, so I'd appreciate a keen eye going over it.

Please keep in mind I am from England so use the British spelling (honour rather than honor etc).

I hope you enjoy it.
Federation Mission - Lineage
Author: Captain_Revo
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HM96NBUCK

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a fantastic mission. Your attention to detail in your map design is outstanding and the story dialog was great. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes a great story combined with excellent map design and good, tough battles. In case it is clear, I think this is a great mission!

You will notice I listed a couple of areas where you used the response button "Continue". In some of the dialog it is perfectly valid to use it. In others I felt you should use something else more appropriate to the dialog. More specifically I would recommend you consider any response button to a report made by a BOFF or anything from the NPC directed at the player should be responded to.

I did like your use of the [OOC] dialog for the extended responses from the player. I have seen this used in other missions and I too have started using that in the new mission I am developing. It is a good tool to allow the story to flow and give the player more of a feel of being part of the whole story. I would only add perhaps make the last line of the [OOC] dialog the response button.

Below are a several things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a very detailed and intriguing description. It makes me want to click the "Hail" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialog: The dialog is very well written. I like the feeling of friendship implied in the dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the upmost importance and require [ShipName] to report" to read "the upmost importance and requires the [ShipName] to report".

Mission Task: This is a good mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a nice simple use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Bhea System: This is a really good map design. The dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Rolara Prime: This is an excellent map design. The dialog was outstanding. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "King Maknor" dialog; consider changing "Your federation has given" to read "Your Federation has given".
-Consider changing "They are off limit, as I'm sure you understand" to read "They are off limits, as Iím sure you understand".
-The "Historian" dialog; consider changing the response button "You meet them personally" to read "You met them personally".
-Consider changing the response button "Why did you isolate yourself" to read "Why did you isolate yourselves".
-The "Why did you isolate yourself" dialog; consider changing "but it seems were naive" to read "but it seems we're naive".
-The "They turned on you" dialog; consider changing "We could not afford to lose than many people" to read "We could not afford to lose that many people".
-Consider changing "energy into creating" to read "energy in creating".
-The post "Examine the Symbol" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "It is interesting" or something along those lines.
-The "Rolarian Doctor" post "This data looks complicated" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Thank you for your help" or something along those lines. This will be the last note of the use of the word "Continue" in the response button. Iíll cover it in the summary.

Rolar Prime Under Attack: This is a really well designed map. The dialog is good and the battles are a good challenge. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The post first battle dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Acknowledged" or something along those lines.

Rolara Prime Revisited: The map design and battles are well done. The dialog is well written. That way you donít have to use the "Continue" button. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Klingon" dialog; consider changing "I do not hear the words of liers" to read "I do not hear the words of liars".
-The "Player Dialog with the Admiral"; consider changing "The klingons have taken over" to read "The Klingons have taken over".
-The post "Admiral" dialog; consider changing "The klingons are only" to read "The Klingons are only".

The New Palace: This is a great map design and the battles are good. The story dialog is well written. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing some of the reach points that trigger the reinforcements. There were several battles that by the time I got there most of the fighting was over.

Stopping Durran: The map design is outstanding and the battles are tough but not impossible. The dialog is great and this is a great wrap up to the mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Prince Satto" dialog; consider changing "I can not stop you" to read "I cannot stop you".
-The "Admiral" dialog; consider changing "I can only hope you are right, The Federation can't" to read "I only hope you are right, the Federation can't".

---------End Report----------

Thanks for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the mission from start all the way through to the finish.
Brian

This critique report also filed 01/02/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 14
01-12-2012, 04:15 PM
Enjoyed playing through this mission today, map design was really great and the dialogue and pacing was well done.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 15
01-17-2012, 11:18 PM
I ran this mission tonight with my commander sci on advanced difficulty.
It was a great mission!

The space combat was spaced very nicely and the battle against the carrier in the middle and against the main antagonist in the end was just challenging enough to keep me interested.
The ground combat was very good too although the boss got tied up in the wall- NOT your fault.
I did notice that there were packs of Klingon squads that i was easily able to avoid. So you may wish to have them roam around on patrol to up the challenge of dealing with them- if possible.

I loved the world/culture transition. That was really well done.

Great story! Very deserving of a Foundry Spotlight.
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