Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 1 The Siege Part 2
01-21-2012, 01:43 PM
Happy to announce The Siege Part 2

If it has not been played by a reviewer yet and you are not a reviewer, you need to turn on become a reviewer to see / search for the mission. Becoming a reviewer changes nothing, it simply enables you to see missions which are new and do not have a rating.



After this for me, it's more story dialog missions and less set pieces. Those are far easier!



The Siege Part 1


Aid an embattled Starfleet Marine Squad in the Danteri System on the planet Donatu.

The Siege Part 2

As the threat of an impending counter attack by the Klingon Defense Force looms, a familiar face asks for your help with a personal matter.

Danteri System - Pi Canis Sector Block



Remember Command decisions have consequences.

Danteri System in the Pi Canis Sector Block.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruis.In View Post
Mission Name: The Siege Part 2
Author: Cruis.In
Minimum Level: Any
Allegiance: Federation
Federation Mission - The Siege Part 2
Author: Cruis.In
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPJCYYCCP

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This mission is a good sequel that picks up from the first one nicely. You have come a long way in your map design adding the complexity that you have. I liked the overall design of the "Donatu Space 2" map and how you managed to keep the remainder of the mission on that map. The asteroids on that map are very well done and I like the explosions too. The story dialog is very well written. I would definitely recommend this mission to anyone who likes good story combined with excellent map design and tough battles.

The battles are good but may need a little calibration. Specifically the "Destroy the Squadrons" on the "Donatu Space 2" map needs to have the total number of enemy reduced a little. When added to the "Spider Web" trap ships to the mix that is a lot of ships to fight. There will be some players who love it and consider it a "challenge", while others get bored with the "repetitive nature and strength" of the battles. Consider spreading the groups out a little more breaking up the stronger enemy with a few weaker ones to throw the player a little curve here and there.

I mentioned the planet on the "Donatu Space 2" map. I wasnít sure what you were going for with this design. I notice the difference as I was swinging around to engage some of the enemy. You should take a good look at it and make sure the planet is the one you intended. They are not the same.

Below are a few items I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a simple description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-It is a good start but I would recommend adding more to the description to draw the player in and make them want to click the "Hail" button.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a nice grant dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The NPC displaying is an "Ensign" but the [OOC] dialog at the top refers to the NPC as "Admiral Kareen". Consider using the "Costume Editor" in the Foundry to design an NPC Admiral.

Mission Task: Despite the fact that you put the start location for the first custom map in the Grant Mission dialog you should include it in the initial tasking. This will reduce the number of players that complain they "can't find where to start".

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Donatu Space: This is a nice simple map design. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I only noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post log entry dialog; the NPC displaying is the "Ensign" I mentioned in the Grant Mission dialog but the dialog appears to be coming from the Science BOFF.
-Same recommendation for the "Costume Editor" in the Foundry.
-The [OOC] dialog at the top of the Admirals dialog; consider changing "her tentacles waving slightly" to read "her antenna waving slightly".
-At the end of the response button consider adding punctuation to "myself".
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider changing "with the supplies Sir" to read "with the supplies sir".

Donatu Ground: This is map design is okay. The story dialog is very good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I only noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Map Text" is "UNNAMED TASK". This is the default when no entry is made in that field.
-The "Captain Anderson" NPC is displaying as an "Ensign". This is item to correct using the "Costume Editor" in the Foundry.
-The use of "Continue".
-Consider changing; "you could enquire of your friends" to read "you could inquire of your friends".
-Check all your buildings for this map. I noted that some are partially buried in the ground and some rocks.
-The execution of the contacting the ship seems a little awkward. It seems unnecessary to have the player go that far away just to ask to beam up.

Donatu Space 2: This is a complex map design and you did well with it. The story dialog was good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I only noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The planet Donatu is a completely different planet than the previous one.
-Consider adding some sort of report from the first "Scan the Sensor Array" task. It just seems awkward that the player scans it with no report and then next thing they know they are fighting enemy ships.
-Consider changing the response button "Contact command and make a further enquiry" to read "Check with command and see if they have information".
-The "Rock and Hard Place" task; consider reducing the number of enemy ships.
-The "Destroy the Squadrons" task; consider reducing the number of engagements required to complete this task.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is a great sequel and the ending makes me want to get onto the next mission to find out Connerís fate.
Brian

This critique report also filed 01/23/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruis.In View Post
Mission Name: The Siege Part 3
Author: Cruis.In
Minimum Level: Any
Allegiance: Federation
Federation Mission - The Siege Part 3
Author: Cruis.In
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HNSINWE5K

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: The mission felt a little rushed as if the two maps couldíve been added to the part 2 mission. The maps were okay but not as good as your previous work. As with the previous mission the planet used as "Donatu" did not match the previous planets. That is an important detail. The story dialog was well written, especially on the "Meetings" map, but still felt a little rushed as well. The mission concept is good but it needs a little more polish. The battles were fun but there was a lot of dialog that apparently came up during the fighting but because I was fighting it remained minimized.

Please donít let this report get you down. I saw great work in your previous two missions; this one just seemed a little rushed. Work on the story and the maps a little more. If you have any questions just let me know and Iíll give you help anyway I can.

Below are a few items I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding a little more information and some details that make the player want to click "Hail". Talk about the fate of Conner and the base. Try to make it reach out and grab the player.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a good simple dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding a little more information the player want to click "Accept". You have to draw them in and make them want to play.

Mission Task: As before, despite the fact that you put the start location for the first custom map in the Grant Mission dialog you should include it in the initial tasking. Make it easier for the players to find your mission.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good simple use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Meeting: The story dialog is good. The map design needs a little more work. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I only noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Commander Maurice is standing on top of the console.
-The two screens on either side of the Admiral are buried in halfway in the deck and one is facing away from the Admiral.
-There are four tables in the middle of a huge open room. The tables are pushed together and with the rows of chairs under each other they look odd.
-Consider redesigning the room by adding walls and closing the briefing room in a little more.
-Post briefing dialog; consider changing the response button "What will lower the Klingons" to read "What will lure the Klingons".
-Consider adding something more than the intelligence excuse to the dialog regarding "What will lure the Klingons" as the current response seems a little odd.

The Battle: This map has some good battles. The dialog is okay but could use a few more story elements. I only noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-There seems to be a lot of dialog that comes up during the fighting but because of the fighting we canít read it all.
-Post battle Conner dialog; consider changing "However this klingon capital ship" to read "However this Klingon capital ship".
-The Vice Admiral Korix dialog; consider changing "We loss some friends today" to read "We lost some friends today".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. Sure this mission needs some work but use this report as a learning experience. I look forward to playing and reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 01/23/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
Mission Critique Report - The Siege Part 2
Grant Mission Dialog: This is a nice grant dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The NPC displaying is an "Ensign" but the [OOC] dialog at the top refers to the NPC as "Admiral Kareen". Consider using the "Costume Editor" in the Foundry to design an NPC Admiral.
From my original report quoted above I had suggested creating a character in the "Costume Editor" in the Foundry to use in the Grant Mission dialog. This was my mistake as you can only select from Cryptic Assets, Cryptic Maps or BOFFís. For that I apologize and I want to thank Bazag for pointing this error out to me which I have just verified.

So in that case I would suggest three possible courses of action. The first option is use a BOFF to let the player know they have a priority transmission from the Admiral. Then use the Admiral character you create in in the "Costume Editor" in the Foundry. The second option is you could change the Grant Mission dialog to be coming from the Admiralís assistant letting the player know that the Admiral needs them to report for duty or something along those lines. The third option is to change the Admiralís character to a Cryptic Asset that is a female Admiral.

If you use the first option you could then create an Admiral character in the "Costume Editor" in the Foundry to use for all other interaction except the Grant Mission dialog.

Anyway I apologize again for any confusion my initial recommendation may have caused.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
01-25-2012, 08:21 AM
I have pulled this mission, until i find the time to create a more suitable conclusion. thanks for reviewing.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
01-25-2012, 04:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruis.In View Post
I have pulled this mission, until i find the time to create a more suitable conclusion. thanks for reviewing.
I look forward to reviewing when you are ready.

Thanks for authoring
Brian
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