(I thought I might help people ease their tensions and laugh a little by making this thread, enjoy)

*the captain and XO of a ship are flying through space, the XO is whistling a bit to himself*

Capt: I spy with my little eye...something beginning with 'S'
Cmdr: Star.
Capt: Mmm-hmm.
Cmdr: I spy with my little eye something that is black.
Capt: Space.
Cmdr: Yeah...*sigh* Oh god I'm bored.
Capt: That's enough of that game; let's play another game. *pause* I know what.
Cmdr: What?

Captain: *reaches down to the comm panel on the seat and activates it* Hello, this is your captain speaking! There is absolutely no cause for alarm!
Cmdr: *cracks up laughing*
Capt: Ok they'll be thinking...*Cmdr reaches to the comm panel* No no no~! Let it sink in. They're thinking...uhh...'What is there absolutely no cause for alarm?'..Ah! The nacelles are on fire. *flips on the comm* The nacelles are not on fire.

Capt: Now they're thinking 'why should he say that' so we say...
Chief Medical Officer: *walks onto the bridge*
Cmdr: Oh oh, how are we doing?
CMO: The crew has stopped doing anything, looking a bit worried. Hang on! Somebody's going into the turbolift!
Capt: Is he there yet?
CMO: The door is closing...now!
Cmdr: Right!
Capt: 1...2...3...
Cmdr: Please return to your stations and await further instructions!
CMO: Yes! Here he comes hurrying back up to the bridge! I'll go and do the 'worried walk' now.

Cmdr: Safety regulations!
Capt: Safety regulations!
Cmdr: Please listen carefully. I want to reminder you of some of the safety regulations. In case of emergency it is vitally important to...*kwssssssh kwsssssshhhh kwssssssssh*...as the warning buzzer sounds! *bzzzzt*
CMO: Great! Great!
Capt: Hey, I've got an idea. You will find your EV suits under your seats.
Cmdr: But they're up...
Capt: Shh! shh! Let them scramble a bit....I'm sorry, you will find your EV suits in the racks above your head. But do not leave your stations!
CMO: Great! Great! That was marvelous!

Cmdr: Goobledygoop!...The scransins above your head are now ready to flange. Please leave your stations and press the emergency photostamps on the back of the stations behind you.
CMO: Marvelous! Milling about, climbing all over the place!
Cmdr: Please find the emergency sprill in the turbolift at the back and release it.
Capt: But do not leave your stations.
CMO: That's got em, back to their stations.

Cmdr: The emergency sprill must be released!
Capt: But do not leave your stations!
Cmdr: Do not panic!
Capt: Tea will now be served!
Cmdr: Put on your EV suits!
Capt: And extinguish all cigarettes.
Cmdr: Please remove the cargo from one bay and move it to the other bay on the other side of the ship!
Capt: Except for antimatter containers.
Cmdr: Which you should sit on!

*all three laugh*

Capt: Have a look~!
CMO:...Hang on.
Cmdr: What?..What, what?
CMO: Hang on...
Cmdr and Capt: What, what?
CMO: They've all jumped out!

*all three laugh even harder*

Capt: you know...I wouldn't be surprised if there was some trouble about this.

Know where you got it but still its nice to picture John Cleese as the Captain. nice work

Do the dead parrot sketch... only this time it's a tribble carcass. *LOL*

I'd considered trying to redo the Cheese Shop sketch with the various weapon varieties, but The Order of the Stick already did another version of it.