Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirkfat View Post
I'll keep playing this thread.

When you have time, I'd love to get a detailed review of "The Return to Terra Nova." It is my attempt to make a purely non-combat diplomatic mission.

Fed, no level min. ESD is door. Just make sure to use the turbolift by Quinn's office, or one of the other Cryptic made turbolifts will trap you in a wall.
Federation Mission - The Return to Terra Nova
Author: Kirkfat
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDGWMWRKK

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great diplomatic mission. The map design, especially “Terra Nova” maps, is outstanding. The story dialog is great and kept me interested from start to finish. In other missions I might recommend a “Skip Dialog” button with a summary of what is needed by the player. In this case I wouldn’t recommend it because the story is the point. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes a great diplomatic mission with outstanding map design and excellent story dialog.

So did you think you could use the response button "Continue" and I wouldn’t say anything? In all actuality most of them worked pretty well I would only suggest changing them to a less intrusive “…” or something along those lines. By no means is it that distracting from the story it is only that I notice them and most folks won’t.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description with a great warning regarding the nature of the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider correcting:
-The [MissionInfo] dialog; consider changing "Earth Space Dock.The entrance" to read "Earth Space Dock. The entrance".

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a good grant dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: Despite the fact you gave the location in the description and grant dialog consider adding the location of the first custom map to the task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Admiral Lovejoy's Office: This is a great map design. The story dialog is outstanding. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The "Maxwell Weber" dialog; consider changing "I'm Maxwell Weber, captain of the Durkheim" to read "I'm Maxwell Weber, Captain of the Durkheim". As an old retired US Navy Chief. Military protocol usually dictates that when referring to the rank of or to a specific person by rank, the rank is capitalized.

U.S.S. Durkheim: This is a great map design with a very detailed story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The warp effect outside the window, have you consider using the “Weather StarStreaks EastWest 01” effect. It looks a little better than the current one you are using. Based on the orientation of the map I think it might work.
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Terra Nova: This is a great map design with excellent story dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Kurtzan’s Tomb: This is a good map with great story dialog and excellent optional dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Terra Nova (Again): This is another great map design. The story dialog is very compelling. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

U.S.S. Durkheim (Again): This is a great story wrap up map. The story dialog is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job from the great map design, through the riveting story dialog. I never thought I’d ever play a diplomatic mission where not a single shot is ever fired that I would be riveted to the story from start to finish.
Brian

This critique report also filed 02/28/2012 on forum posting for: "The Return to Terra Nova" by Kirkfat.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 352
02-29-2012, 05:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
Thanks for the review request. You are currently 3rd in the queue for review behind treky1134 and Kirkfat who's mission I hope to start on tonight. I'll post my review as soon as I've completed it.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Sorry, I had to take it down until I could fix the pathing. It is up again.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 353
03-01-2012, 11:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendra80 View Post
Sorry, I had to take it down until I could fix the pathing. It is up again.
Thanks for the heads up. I hope to wrap up the current queue by Saturday evening as work and life in general has been keeping me pretty busy. You are currently 2nd in the queue.

Thanks again for the review and feedback for my mission Contamination.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by treky1134 View Post
Faction: Klingon
Minimum rank: Level 16
I.D. ST-HA57L4FBU

This is the first of a three story mission arc.

Players will have to save the Empire from a growing dishonor. In this mission players will be aided by some of the Empire's most legendary warriors, including Worf.
Klingon Mission - Soldiers of the Empire
Author: treky1134
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HA57L4FBU

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a very intriguing mission with a lot of potential. The mere fact that you took on a Klingon mission to develop a story from is worthy of praise. Writing a good Klingon story is a hard task to do. As I mentioned there is a lot of potential here to make this into an epic Klingon saga worthy of tales in the Great Hall on Qo’noS. Oh, by the way, this is not a 30 minute mission, perhaps an hour maybe.

On the I.K.S. Amar map consider adding a series of triggers to the dialog with Master Klarg. When dialog is initiated with Master Klarg it opens two triggers. One would be "The Chancellor is acting dishonorably". The other would be "I will not help you betray the Chancellor". When the first one is triggered you have the second one disappear and that dialog shows up. The player moves on. If the second one is triggered you have the first one disappear and you have an enemy group appear. The player fights his way through it and then you write follow up dialog to the fighting. In that dialog the player is so impressed by the fighting prowess of the group that attacked him he agrees to join the fight against the Chancellor. If you are not sure how to do this Kirkfat has an excellent tutorial on how to set up triggers for alternate events on StarbaseUGC. That is number 5 in a series of 8 regarding triggers. Between Kirkfat and Pendra80 I have learned a lot about the “optional” mission triggers and I do not think I will ever be able to do a mission again without them.

The dialog with Worf could be handled as a communication vice a trip all the way back to Qo’noS to speak with him. To have a conversation with Worf on Qo’noS requires the player to leave your custom map. The issue with this is when the player emerges in the Eta Eridani sector block the mission start button is still present on the Otha system. This occurs when you try to bridge a story from one system to another using a Cryptic map. This occurs if you leave any mission map to enter a Cryptic map, even on Cryptic created missions. There is no way around it other than having the conversation with Worf take palace via communications.

I mention the use of the response button "Continue" on every map. This is something I usually recommend the player uses to help tell the story and include the player as more a participant rather than just a reader of the story. In my opinion it is especially important when a BOFF gives a report or recommends something. It seems unlikely that a Captain would simply say “Continue”. This is my personal opinion.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

MAPS:
Otha System: This is a very detailed map design. However I’m not sure it is needed for one quick line ordering the player to beam to the I.K.S. Amar. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving the spawn point closer to the rendezvous with the I.K.S. Amar. There appears to be no reason to fly all the way across from the current spawn location.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing removing this map in favor of a “Map Transfer” dialog when entering the system that orders the player to beam to the Amar.

I.K.S. Amar: This is a good map design with well written dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Master Klarg" dialog; consider changing "I have brought you all here because I want you all to join my quest" to read "I have summoned all of you here to join my quest".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing "Then he was killed by J'mpok. Martok was said to have lost in ritual combat to J'mpok" to read "It is said that Martok lost to J'mpok in ritual combat".
-The "Master Klarg" dialog with the player; consider changing "We are gong to need allies on the High Council" to read "We are going to need allies on the High Council".
-Consider changing "One of the Councilmembers" to read "One of the Council members".
-Consider adding a series of triggers to the dialog with Master Klarg. I will cover this in more detail in the summary above.
-In the side chamber there is a Klingon standing on top of the console typing in mid air.

Qo’noS: First City (Cryptic Map): This is a Cryptic map design and I love what they’ve done with the place. However consider removing this task. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The “Worf” dialog; the use of the response button "Continue".
-The dialog with Worf could be handled as a communication. I will cover this in detail in the summary.

The Battle: This is a good map with several tough battles. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The spawn places the player right on the edge of the map so they receive the game message "There is nothing on sensors, Captain. Would you like to set a new course?" leaving you with "Warp" or "Dismiss" buttons. Consider moving the spawn point further into the map.
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Starbase 157: This map design is good but needs some adjustments mentioned below. The battles are tough but glorious. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider having the guards that appear along with the injured or dead Federation crew after all the battles placed around the room as if guarding the prisoners.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-After the third “Secure Section” there is a Klingon standing on the ships holographic console typing.
-Consider placing a door in the last room to act as a turbolift. This will remove the need for the player to go all the way back to where they came from to get to a turbolift.

Cargo Bay: This is a great map design. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The crates and bodies floating beyond the force field do not look right. If the space had explosively decompressed nothing but the consoles and the maybe the shuttles would be left.

Licking our Wounds: This map seems to be unnecessary to the story as you appear on the map, move a little ways to a trigger point and then warp to next map. Consider removing this map and having the “Map Transfer” dialog on the previous map talk about warping to the system as soon as the Captain is onboard. Another option for this map is to combine it with the next map using hidden objects combined with the use of the “Weather StarStreaks EastWest 01” effect and setting the map up with an east to west orientation.

Eriksson System: This is a very detailed map but it needs a little work. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The initial spawn point needs to be a little closer to the scan point, which needs to be closer to the next objective. If there are no engagements or other information other than “Go to the next point” then consider condensing the distance between the tasks.
- The enemy engagement starts 29 km away from the point of the communications. In keeping with the previous recommendation to compress the distances move this trigger closer to the base and engagement right on top of the player.

Romulan Base: This is a good map design with good battles. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-This is another area to consider optional triggered events. For example when accessing a terminal it could trigger another engagement or other optional dialog.
-The engagement of the top bad guy seemed a little too soon. Consider adding him as a trigger that occurs when the player accesses the last console. You could use this as part of the triggers I mentioned above.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This mission and the series have a lot of potential with just a little tweaking here and there. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 355
03-03-2012, 06:59 PM
If you could try my mission please...

Mission Name: Deep Space Danger
Author: carbongrip
Allegiance: Federation
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 356
03-03-2012, 07:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by carbongrip
If you could try my mission please...

Mission Name: Deep Space Danger
Author: carbongrip
Allegiance: Federation
Thanks for the review request. You are currently 2nd in the queue for review behind Pendra80 who's mission I hope to get to tonight.

Thanks for authoring.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendra80 View Post
Hijacked
ID: ST-HOTXO4O3P
Starfleet, Any Level
Starting Location: Veela system, Regulus sector block
Duration:~20-30 mins
Style: Adventure, Single player


The USS Aswan has failed to report to Fleet HQ as scheduled. Determine the nature of delay and take whatever measures are necessary.
The Aswan was last spotted in the Veela system at the Regulus sector block.
Both Gorn and pirate ships were spotted in the area, exercise caution!


Can you please review this remastered mission? It is 100% branched with 5+ hard and 20-30 soft endings. Finding the perfect on the 1st try may be a challenge.

The BOFFs refuse to leave the transporter room because of the door bug!
Until that is fixed, imagine your BOFFs are still with you. I lowered the difficulty of the mobs so you could beat them alone if you choose so.

Thank you!
Federation Mission - Hijacked
Author: Pendra80
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOTXO4O3P

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is an outstanding mission from the outstanding map design with branching mission dialog and elements to the balanced combat and the choices there. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who loves great map design combined with excellent branching story dialogue, story elements and a true capability to choose multiple paths to multiple endings. I tried at least five different combinations to check as many of the potential outcomes as possible. This mission, like your others, further expands the Foundry’s boundaries… You have shown authors the way to create multiple endings to their maps as well as the story as a whole, depending on map space usage. Great job!

Just so other players know, if you get booted from the game for any reason after you’ve transported over to the Aswan you have to remain out of the mission for about 10 to 15 minutes to let the map reset. This is nothing the author can help; it is the way the game is designed. I’ve seen this in Cryptic missions too. You do not have to drop the mission just be patient.

I wanted to discuss the use of rank capitalization to include abbreviations, i.e. cmd. Paul M. Jackson should read CDR Paul M. Jackson. As a retired U.S. Navy Chief I see this in missions all the time. So based on my service the general rules surrounding this are that if you are referring to a person by rank it should be capitalized, i.e. “Captain Frank Drizzlerane is a great captain”. If you are referring generically to a rank it is okay to use lower case, i.e. “The rank of captain is one we all aspire to reach”. Above you may have noticed that I used “CDR” vice “CMD” in the correcting example. Again from my military experience the use of “CDR” as an abbreviation refers to the rank of a commander. Another use would be “LCDR” for lieutenant commander. The abbreviation “CMD” is used to refer to command. It is a minor issue in the grand scheme of the mission but one I felt needed to be addressed.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a very intriguing description with some nice story elements. I like the notes, especially the last one talking about the BOFF's. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding [Rank] [LastName] at the beginning to personalize it a little more.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant mission dialogue. There is a enough detail to make you want to click "Accept". I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the sector block to the mission task as well.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "I advise to drop out of warp" to read "I recommend dropping out of warp".

MAPS:
Veela IV: This is a good map design with a good battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Commander Davis" dialogue; consider changing "This is commander Davis" to read "This is Commander Davis".
-Consider changing "we have to do it the old way" to read "we’ll have to do it the old fashion way".
-Consider changing "The team has a hard time to see in the thick smoke" to read "The team is having a hard time seeing through the thick smoke".
-The Engineer BOFF report of Transfer of command keys" dialogue; consider adding another hard return before "Davis signals ready".
-Consider adding hard returns in between all dialogues that has only one separating it from the line above and below. Otherwise make them part of the same paragraph if part of the same dialogue.
-Consider changing the response button "All those hazard trainings finally paid off" to read "All that damage control training finally paid off".
-The Science BOFF dialogue; consider changing "Captain, analyzed the flight vector" to read "Captain, I analyzed the flight vector".
-Consider changing "Sensors have a hard time to penetrate the planet's immerse radiation belt" to read "Sensors are having a hard time penetrating the planet's immense radiation belt".

USS Aswan: This is an outstanding map design with all the branching story dialog elements to choose from. I tried them all to see what the variations are and to make sure I checked all aspects. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Hail the USS Aswan" dialogue; consider changing the response button "You've illegally comandeered SFC property" to read "You've illegally commandeered SFC property" and adding punctuation to it.
-The use of rank capitalization or not. I’ll cover this in my summary.
-Consider adding hard returns in between all dialogues that has only one separating it from the line above and below. Otherwise make them part of the same paragraph if part of the same dialogue.
-The "Thrace" report dialogue; consider changing "Thrace is one of the younger member of the clan" to read "Thrace is one of the younger members of the clan".
-For the Gorar system report consider changing the "Earth" standard years to Stardates.
-The cut down wires safely dialogue appears after I cut down the wires.
-The "Check EPS conduit" dialog; consider changing "This gave me an idea" to read "This gives me an idea".
-The "Deactivate forcefield" trigger; there is a bottle visible on the floor.
-Even after resolving all elements, recovering the hostages and bridge intact the “Beam directly to the Aswan’s bridge” option is still present on the pad when you go to “Chief bring us home (end mission)”.
-With the resolved hostage success dialog from Admiral Trent; consider changing "your quick thinking" to read "Your quick thinking".
-Consider changing "The crew can complete the repairs in at high warp" to read "The crew can complete the repairs at high warp".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I know my mission authoring will never be the same again, thanks to your feedback and missions as well as Kirkfat’s tutorials. Keep up the ground breaking work. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 03/04/2012 on forum posting for: Hijacked - Redux.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
Mission Name: (Your Mission Title)
Author: (Your STO Site Name)
Minimum Level: (16+ or above)
Allegiance: (Federation/Klingon)
ST-(Mission ID Number)
Estimated Mission Length: (Time to complete)
Method of Report Delivery: (Forum Post/In Game email)

Once I acknowledge your report request I will immediately evaluate it and can provide the feedback in this posting or via in game email. Other methods may be available provided the requested method does not violate STO Term of Use Agreements.
Awesome sauce, so here it is. Be as brutal as you like. I'm really looking for a reason to polish this mission. It has been collecting dust in my folder for along time. Recently did all I could to make it playable after Season 5 issues.

Mission Name: The Chimes At Midnight
Author: Filbones
Minimum Level:
Allegiance: FED DIP COM KDF RPG
ST-HK4N7W625
Estimated Mission Length: At least 45 minutes. Optional may exstend to 1.5 hours
Method of Report Delivery: What ever is easiest.

LINKS
Trailers and Teasers
FORUM MISSION THREAD
CURRENT HOLODECK TEASER
TRIBBLE 1st EPISODE TRAILER
TRIBBLE TEASER
TRIBBLE SERIES - STARBASEUGC ADVERTISMENT
TRIBBLE 1st EPISODE - STARBASEUGC ADVERTISMENT

BUG
Currently there is a respawn issue on the Refuge/Detention Station. Hopefully have it fixed by the time you play it.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 359
03-04-2012, 06:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by filbones View Post
Awesome sauce, so here it is. Be as brutal as you like. I'm really looking for a reason to polish this mission. It has been collecting dust in my folder for along time. Recently did all I could to make it playable after Season 5 issues.

Mission Name: The Chimes At Midnight
Author: Filbones
Minimum Level:
Allegiance: FED DIP COM KDF RPG
ST-HK4N7W625
Estimated Mission Length: At least 45 minutes. Optional may exstend to 1.5 hours
Method of Report Delivery: What ever is easiest.

LINKS
Trailers and Teasers
FORUM MISSION THREAD
CURRENT HOLODECK TEASER
TRIBBLE 1st EPISODE TRAILER
TRIBBLE TEASER
TRIBBLE SERIES - STARBASEUGC ADVERTISMENT
TRIBBLE 1st EPISODE - STARBASEUGC ADVERTISMENT

BUG
Currently there is a respawn issue on the Refuge/Detention Station. Hopefully have it fixed by the time you play it.
Thanks for the review request. You are now 2nd in the queue behind carbongrip and hopefully I get to his mission tonight or tomorrow night.

Thanks for authoring.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 360
03-05-2012, 06:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by carbongrip
If you could try my mission please...

Mission Name: Deep Space Danger
Author: carbongrip
Allegiance: Federation
Hi carbongrip,

I am suspending the review of your mission. The Admiral Var NPC Contact is not in the office where the map indicates he should be by the task location circle. I suspect he is not at the correct altitude but I would suggest pulling the mission until you fix this issue and have taken a look at the review points I'm sending in this email. Once you have addressed the show stopper at the very least and republished the mission let me know and I will resume the review.

Thanks
Brian
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