Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 361
03-05-2012, 07:04 PM
OK, I'll submit my third mission for review.

It's called "Slave and Seductions." I'm pretty sure it's lower level mobs.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 362
03-05-2012, 08:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirkfat View Post
OK, I'll submit my third mission for review.

It's called "Slave and Seductions." I'm pretty sure it's lower level mobs.
Thanks for the review request. You are now 3rd in the queue. Is it Federation or Klingon?

Thanks for authoring
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 363
03-05-2012, 09:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
Thanks for the review request. You are now 3rd in the queue. Is it Federation or Klingon?

Thanks for authoring
Brian
Federation.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 364
03-05-2012, 10:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirkfat View Post
Federation.
Thanks. I'll get to the mission as soon as I can.

Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 365
03-06-2012, 04:38 PM
I'd appreciate a critique. This is my first foray into the Foundry, so it's a bit short, but I've tried to make it a fun 10 minutes.

Mission Name: Deja Vu: Time's Cape
Author: Valill
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HPTOURGRW
Estimated Mission Length: 10-15m
Method of Report Delivery: Forum

It's designed for a runabout, but if you encounter the optional space enemies, they're a bit tough. It's the weakest spawn I could find (fighters), but they still overpower my runabout
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by carbongrip
If you could try my mission please...

Mission Name: Deep Space Danger
Author: carbongrip
Allegiance: Federation
Federation Mission - Deep Space Danger
Author: carbongrip
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HC9F6BBPZ

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission concept but it needs work. Your map design is very good but needs a little more work using triggers and NPC placement as part of the story. The story dialogue is okay but needs a little more work. Below I have made several recommendations to correct the dialogue errors I found as well as some suggestions to expand the story dialogue a little more. I am again going to suspend the review of this mission indefinitely as I have run into another show stopper on the “Unknown Planet” map. I cannot complete the “Talk to Tribe Leader” task. It shows up on the mission map but nothing happens when I get there. Since this is the second show stopper in as many days I feel you should consider un-publishing the mission before you get any negative reviews. Then work on fixing the items I have identified below. You should also apply these suggested corrections to dialogue and story content on all the maps of the mission.

Do not beat yourself up about this review. We’ve all had our fair share of issues with our first mission designs. It’s how we as authors get better at mission design and creation. Most of the authors here are more than happy to give you suggestions on how use the elements of maps and story dialogue to tell your story. There are also plenty of free tutorials available on the Starbase UGC’s website. They can teach you about everything from NPC Contact interaction to setting up map triggers. They’re a great resource for information and training. The community as a whole becomes stronger when we help each other make better missions. It makes the experience of players on STO that much richer by the creation of a wide variety of stories.

Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue

Mission Task: Your initial task should have the location of where to start the first custom map. This is always important despite the having it in the description and grant dialogue.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Starbase Deep Space: This is a very nice map design and the station looks really good, however I am not sure if this map is needed here. In general it seems a little unnecessary to have a map for the sake of one or two lines of dialogue. Perhaps the dialogue with the diplomat could be the entry prompt and then the first map is the “Starbase Interior” map. If this is not practical then perhaps have the introduction to the Diplomat occur on the station. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Diplomat Karth" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank][FirstName] Greetings I am Diplomat Karth, I to have just arrived here" to read "[Rank] [LastName], greetings, I am Diplomat Karth. I too have just arrived here".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]He want us both to go to his office for a meeting[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]He would like us both to meet him in his office[/MissionInfo]".
-The NPC announcing "This is Starbase Deep Space ready for you to dock" is my bridge BOFF. Consider changing this NPC to a generic character from the many available in the Foundry.

Starbase Interior: This is a very nice and huge map design. I noted several items to consider changing:
-All background NPC's on the map are labeled "UGC Contact". This is caused by not providing them with a name in the "Name Field". If they are not central to the story you should still give them a name as part of the detail.
-I like the overall design of your map, however consider changing the map below and raising the altitude of the station. If you do not want to do this then I would get rid of the clear floor.
-The station floor seems to shimmer in different places. This is most likely caused by overlapping panels that are all at the exact same Y coordinates. Consider taking every second floor panel and raise or lower it by 0.001 Y. This should be an unnoticeable change in the floor level for the player and help mitigate the shimmering effect caused by the overlapping panels.
-Consider also adding a glass ceiling to the station so it doesn't look as if it is open to space.
-The "Admiral Var" dialogue; consider changing "Karth,[FirstName],please make yourselfs comfortable" to read "Karth, [LastName], please make yourselves comfortable".
-Since the Admiral is addressing both Karth and the player consider removing or hiding the Diplomat Karth character from the area outside of the office and place a Diplomat Karth NPC in the room near the Admiral's desk.
-Consider renaming "Diplomat Karth" to "Ambassador Karth".
-Consider adding furniture to sit on and include a seat which the Admiral would be sitting in. Since he is asking us to make ourselves comfortable there should be furniture to do that with.
-Consider adding more detail to the Admiral's office to include; furniture, background NPC's working on the platforms and other consoles in the room. Consider enclosing the Admiral's office to be separate from the rest of the huge room.
-Consider changing "Recently we have lost contact with Admiral Lator, he was on a mission to explore and make contact with new civilizations but recently we have lost contact with him" to read "Admiral Lator was exploring a newly discovered system when we received a short distress call from him, which lasted only a few minutes. He and his crew have not been heard from since".
-Consider changing "There is a confrence in a little bit. [MissionInfo]Go there for more information on your mission.[/MissionInfo]" to read "There will be a full briefing on your mission
-The "Conference" location is very well done. However consider adding additional NPC's sitting in the conference room including Karth. That or make the entire briefing take place in the Admiral's office. Making the player go all the way to the Admiral's office for a short dialogue regarding the mission, then making them go to a conference room for another part of the briefing, and then back to the Admiral’s office again seems unnecessary to the story. Another option is to make the entire dialogue take place in the conference room.
-The "Admiral Var Conference" dialogue; consider changing "Everyone as you all know you have all been brought here for a mission in search of Admiral Lator" to read "As you all know Admiral Lator is missing".
-Consider changing "His signal was last seen 10 lightyears from this station" to read "We briefly received a distress signal from him located 10 light years from this station".
-Consider changing "Go there and search for evidence" to read "Your mission is to proceed to the location of that signal and determine what has happened to the Admiral and his crew".
-Consider changing "If confrunted you have permission to use all means necesary" to read "If the Admiral’s disappearance is the result of hostile action, then you have clearance to use reasonable force to defend your ship and crew".
-Consider changing; "everyone good luck" to read "Keep me posted on your progress and good luck".
-The "Karth" dialogue; he is not in the conference room.
-The mission task "Report to Admiral Var" does not make sense since he is still standing in front of me.
-The "Report to Admiral Var" dialogue seems unnecessary to the story. If you wish to keep this in the story then have it as part of the "Conference" dialogue.

Deep Space: This is a very nice map design but it needs a little more story to work up to the battle. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Upon spawning on this map all ships are engaged in battle and Karth is ordering "All fleet evasive maneuvers". Consider having the player spawn and add dialogue "We've secured from warp" or something along those lines. Build up to the enemy appearing and the fleet engaging with a little dialogue between the player and the Karth NPC. Then maybe some dialogue from the players Tactical BOFF, indicating the enemy ships are inbound or something along those lines. Then insert the Karth NPC order "All fleet evasive maneuvers".
-The post battle "Karth" dialogue; consider changing "That seems to be the last of them; I am detecting Admiral Lators combadge on the surface of the planet" to read "That seems to be the last of them. I am detecting Admiral Lator's combadge on the surface of the planet".
-Consider changing the response button "Understould" to read "Understood".

Unknown Planet: This is a nice map design except the battles are way out of balance. That is not challenging. The battle with the “Chief” is the second to the last battle in your positioning of the battles. Usually the heaviest hitter is at the end of the fights. Also if we came here with a fleet, where is the support? You should have support groups beam down as the player engages each group. The "Talk to Tribe Leader" task does not appear to work. The area shows up on the map but when I reach the location nothing happens. So the mission task cannot be completed and therefore the mission cannot continue”.

Mission Terminated due to mission task completion issue.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I hope this review helps you and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 367
03-06-2012, 05:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Valill
I'd appreciate a critique. This is my first foray into the Foundry, so it's a bit short, but I've tried to make it a fun 10 minutes.

Mission Name: Deja Vu: Time's Cape
Author: Valill
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HPTOURGRW
Estimated Mission Length: 10-15m
Method of Report Delivery: Forum

It's designed for a runabout, but if you encounter the optional space enemies, they're a bit tough. It's the weakest spawn I could find (fighters), but they still overpower my runabout
Thanks for the review request. I've added you to the queue and you're 3rd in line behind Kirkfat. With luck I can catch up this week and be done with yours before Friday.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 368
03-07-2012, 04:03 AM
Mission Title: Federation Desperation
Project ID: ST-HKWCILN6E
@Handle: Maziken
Faction: Klingon
Level Requirement: 16+
Mission Summary:

The Federation and the Klingon Empire are conducting peace talks on Risa. The Federation hopes to form an alliance to combat the Borg forces that continue to encroach into both governments' territory. Can you help ensure that these treaty talks go smoothly or will the Borg have only limited resistance when they fully invade?

This is a mission for the Foundry Challenge #1. I will not edit my mission until the review period for the challenge has finished, but I would like to hear your input on it.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 369
03-07-2012, 03:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maziken
Mission Title: Federation Desperation
Project ID: ST-HKWCILN6E
@Handle: Maziken
Faction: Klingon
Level Requirement: 16+
Mission Summary:

The Federation and the Klingon Empire are conducting peace talks on Risa. The Federation hopes to form an alliance to combat the Borg forces that continue to encroach into both governments' territory. Can you help ensure that these treaty talks go smoothly or will the Borg have only limited resistance when they fully invade?

This is a mission for the Foundry Challenge #1. I will not edit my mission until the review period for the challenge has finished, but I would like to hear your input on it.
Thanks for the review request. You are 4th in the queue behind Valill. I hope to get caught up with the missions by this weekend.

Thanks as always for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 370
03-07-2012, 03:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke-of-Rock View Post
[color="White"]I [color="cyan"]
Hi Brian,

I finally got part 5 published last night at long last. Seemed to be rocking pretty good this morning. Anyway, it's finally done and out. Quite a bit more combat than any of the rest, but then again, it is the battle for the quadrant. Hope you like it when you get a chance to play it. Looking forward to more from you as well. See ya soon.

* Spawn of Medusa V
* Duke-of-Rock
* Level: 16+
* Federation


Craig aka: Duke-of-Rock
Thanks for the review request Craig. You are 5th in the queue behind Maziken. I hope to catch up with the missions by this weekend. No rest for the wicked.

Thanks, as always, for authoring,
Brian
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