Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 401
03-15-2012, 03:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kahn View Post
I was very pleased with my Klingon mission being featured in the case study, and thanks again for taking the time to put this together. I am very happy to see the community pouring in support to the Foundry and giving perspective players, and authors the chance to see these great works. I look forward to seeing more of these case studies, and playing all the missions.

As always Evil70th's reviews have been a tremendous help to me as an author and I thank both Tucana and Evil70th for their time and effort.

Kahn
Your missions are great and your authoring is outstanding. Keep up the great work.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 402
03-16-2012, 05:55 AM
Hey Evil70th.

I've just put out my latest mission.

Name: 'Mind Games'.
Faction: Klingon
lvl Req: 46+
Category: Story-driven space and ground combat

I would really appreciate it if you could once again cast your critical eye over my work.

Much appreciated.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 403
03-16-2012, 11:53 AM
Mission Name: L.F.V. Saga Ep 1: Relapse
Author: @Gingie
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HH3QNN7AU
Estimated Mission Length: ~45 min
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Its been out for over 10 months and I have received many positive reviews. I look forward to what you have to say.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 404
03-16-2012, 12:55 PM
I just published my new mission, and I'd like to know what you think.

One moment of Humanity
ID: ST-HNPCN78X2
Starfleet, 46+
Starting Location: Hfihar system, Psi Velorum sector
Duration:~30-40 mins
Style: Dialog heavy adventure, Single player

Zalosa, close to the Hfihar system, Psi Velorum sector, is an advanced, but still pre-warp society. They went completely silent on all radio frequencies. You have to investgate the cause and act upon it.
In case they developed an interstellar communication method, you are authoized to make first contact. Otherwise, the prime directive applies!


This is not a remaster of 25th Anniversay. I just had an idea and tried to build it up like a TNG episode. There is minimal combat, the time goes to the moral issues. Little branching and multiple ending is added but not as many as in the Hijacked mission.

Thank you in advance!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 405
03-16-2012, 02:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
Hey Evil70th.

I've just put out my latest mission.

Name: 'Mind Games'.
Faction: Klingon
lvl Req: 46+
Category: Story-driven space and ground combat

I would really appreciate it if you could once again cast your critical eye over my work.

Much appreciated.
Thanks for the review request Bazag. You are 8th in the queue behind Kirkfat. I should be catching up with the queue this weekend depending on the length of the other missions ahead of yours.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 406
03-16-2012, 02:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gingie
Mission Name: L.F.V. Saga Ep 1: Relapse
Author: @Gingie
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HH3QNN7AU
Estimated Mission Length: ~45 min
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Its been out for over 10 months and I have received many positive reviews. I look forward to what you have to say.
Thanks for the the review request Gingie. You are now 9th in the queue behind Bazag. I hope to catch up with the queue this weekend.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 407
03-16-2012, 02:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendra80 View Post
I just published my new mission, and I'd like to know what you think.

One moment of Humanity
ID: ST-HNPCN78X2
Starfleet, 46+
Starting Location: Hfihar system, Psi Velorum sector
Duration:~30-40 mins
Style: Dialog heavy adventure, Single player

Zalosa, close to the Hfihar system, Psi Velorum sector, is an advanced, but still pre-warp society. They went completely silent on all radio frequencies. You have to investgate the cause and act upon it.
In case they developed an interstellar communication method, you are authoized to make first contact. Otherwise, the prime directive applies!


This is not a remaster of 25th Anniversay. I just had an idea and tried to build it up like a TNG episode. There is minimal combat, the time goes to the moral issues. Little branching and multiple ending is added but not as many as in the Hijacked mission.

Thank you in advance!
Thanks for the review request Pendra. You are 10th in the queue behind Gingie and I am hoping to catch up with the queue this weekend as it is supposed to rain all weekend.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by marhawkman View Post
Mission Name: B'Vat's Legacy
Author: marhawkman
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HR5WWSJIK
Estimated Mission Length: 1h
Method of Report Delivery: any is fine.

I've had a few friends look at it and made several sets of improvements to it. I'm interested in seeing what you think of the current version.
Federation Mission - B'Vat's Legacy
Author: marhawkman
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HR5WWSJIK

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: The mission is good in general, and I liked the overall story. Your map design is very detailed, but some of the maps need adjustment along with the enemy engagements, especially the “Sihaer Heyahh” map. There are way too many engagements and far too many Dahar Masters. That many engagements, including the high level enemies, is not challenging, it’s tedious. On a couple of the maps with enemy engagements I mention making those engagements optional tasks that the players can avoid if they choose. This will give another depth to the mission and allow you to split the linear nature of the story into more possibilities.

The story dialogue was well done and I noted only a handful of minor issues with it. One of the more notable issues is the effort of locating the “Anti-Chroniton grenade” that my “future” self left me. One of the issues with this is, how would my “future” self leave that for me? Another is after getting the Anti-Chroniton grenade we never use it. We disable the dampening fields. I think you should keep this element but on the “Waes Uaith” map have the player plant the grenades and then have them destroy the towers. Speaking of the towers, I suggested on that map making those into obelisk piece or some other smaller object vice the huge towers. It would make them easier for you to manipulate and easier for the player to interact with. Sometimes it really helps to have another person go through your mission story to make sure it makes sense. One of the hardest things for an author is to see their own mistakes.

The branching dialogue and optional map tasks are a good way to split the story into alternate endings on each map. This enables the author to tell a variety of stories within one map and helps to make a richer story for the player despite the linear nature of the overall story in the Foundry. There are several great tutorials on Starbase UGC by Kirkfat and other postings by many other authors. I recently learned a few of these techniques and I will never be able to create a mission without the branching map dialogue and tasks. I would highly recommend it.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a straight forward description but it does not really draw the player in. You need to add a little more story to this. Your goal is to make players want to click the "Hail" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialog needs more of a story to draw the player in and make them want to click "Accept". I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: You need to add the start location of the first custom map on this first mission task. Despite the fact that you place the location in both the description and grant dialog. This will help the player get started.

Mission Entry Prompt: This prompt is okay but could use a little more. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Gateway System: The map design is good. The story dialog is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The first dialogue window upon spawning would read better on the mission entry prompt. Consider changing it, then making the second dialogue window the new first one. The story would flow better.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "Beam down to the Surface" to read "Captain, we have a lock on the coordinates provided by Hortock. The away team is standing by.
-Consider changing the response button "Beam Down" to read "Energize".

Gateway Surface: This is a good map design with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Map Mission” text; consider changing “Kill the Klingons” to read “Locate Hortock”.
-Consider changing the BOFF reporting the "Klingons" from the engineering BOFF to the tactical BOFF.
-Consider changing the mission task "defeat the Klingons" to read "Defeat the Klingons".
-Consider adding respawn points deeper in the map. This is especially important if you are going to leave some of the heavy squads for the player to fight.
-The "Hortock" NPC Contact is labeled "UGC Contact". This is the default when the “Name” field is left blank.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the Interact button "pick up Anti-Chroniton Grenade" to read "Pick up Anti- Chroniton grenade.
-Consider having the player return to Hortock before the “Map Transfer” dialogue appears.
-Consider making the Klingon engagements optional and more gradual in difficulty level.
-Consider moving “Anti-Chroniton” grenade a little closer to Hortock.

Romulan Colony: This is a very good map design from a setting point of view. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider making the “Stun Guards” mission optional.
-If you choose to keep them as an actual mission task then consider moving them so that both groups are in between the spawn point and the Governor.

Waes Uaith: The map design is okay but could use some minor adjustments. The battles are tough and the story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider adding a NPC of the character in the dialogue to the map. Then change the response button "Lead the way" to read "Where is the base" or something along those lines.
The second dialogue, consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "You wait here, we'll take care them." or something along those lines.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The "Map Mission” text; consider changing "take out the augments" to read "Destroy the Temporal Dampening Field".
-The "Mission tasks"; consider changing "Wipe out the Augment troops" to read "Engage the Augment troops"
-Consider changing "disable the dampening towers" to read "Disable the dampening towers".
-Consider making the Augment troop engagements optional and more gradual in difficulty level. If the timeline is repaired then they won't exist anyway.
-Consider adding respawn points deeper in the map. This is especially important if you are going to leave some of the heavy squads for the player to fight.
--Some of the tower objects seem to be placed with half of them hanging out in mid air. Consider moving them onto more of the land or consider changing the "Towers" to a different object like an obelisk piece or something like that.
-Consider changing the interact button from "Interact" to read "Disable the tower".

Sihaer Heyahh: The map design is very detailed and well done. The story dialogue is good. There are way too many battles and they are way too tough. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Captain wouldn't ask if they didn't want to know.
-The first engagement seems to have taken place before we arrived.
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "disable the Transporter Relays after" to read "disable the transporter relays after".
-The "Map Mission” text; consider changing "clear the base defenders" to read "Clear the base defenders".
-Consider reducing the number of augment engagements or making them optional fights that are spread out across the map and more gradual in difficulty level. If the timeline is repaired then they won't exist anyway.
-Consider changing the "Transporter Relays" to a different object like a Klingon power station something like that.
-Consider changing the interact button from "Interact" to read "Disable transporter relay".
-Consider adding respawn points deeper in the map. This is especially important if you are going to leave some of the heavy squads for the player to fight.
-Consider removing the explanation of why you decided to make it a two part mission. Change it so it just says something about part 2, coming soon.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. Your mission is a great concept but just needs some adjustments here and there. I look forward to playing/reviewing part 2 of this mission.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 409
03-17-2012, 12:07 PM
This is very generous of you!

This is my very first foundry mission so feedback would be seriously appreciated.

Mission Name: DS Daily 1a- A Brief Diversion
Author: tosmonkey
Minimum Level: any
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HQWN4VCI7
Estimated Mission Length: 15 minutes (20 if you pay attention to the story)
Method of Report Delivery: Any

"DS Daily 1b- Question of Faith" is currently "in production". "DS Daily 1c- The Irridian Factor" and "DS Finale 1d- No Time for Soldiers" are outlined.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 410
03-17-2012, 12:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by tosmonkey
This is very generous of you!

This is my very first foundry mission so feedback would be seriously appreciated.

Mission Name: DS Daily 1a- A Brief Diversion
Author: tosmonkey
Minimum Level: any
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HQWN4VCI7
Estimated Mission Length: 15 minutes (20 if you pay attention to the story)
Method of Report Delivery: Any

"DS Daily 1b- Question of Faith" is currently "in production". "DS Daily 1c- The Irridian Factor" and "DS Finale 1d- No Time for Soldiers" are outlined.
Thanks for the review request. You are 10th in the review queue behind Pendra80. I am making my through queue and hope to catch up by tomorrow with your mission depending on the length of the ones ahead of yours.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
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