Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 461
04-01-2012, 08:29 PM
OK, fair enough. One other thing:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
4: Leneka V - Space: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "mine" explosion referenced in the dialogue following the first "Continue through the debris field" task actually happens on the second "Continue through the debris field" task. It appears the dialogue is set to trigger after the wrong task.
No, I'm afraid this is another case of a trigger not working as intended (like the satellite autodestructs in Part I). I have a trigger point set up with a huge radius, so that the mine should explode as soon as you enter the debris field. Instead it doesn't explode until well after the bit of dialogue talking about the mine explosion.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, no, I can't just take this explosion out, because it figures in the story setup for Part IV.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
Hey Evil. Another quarter, another new Foundry mission from me. No rest for the wary, right?

Federation Mission - War and Q
Author: RogueEnterprise
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HUYCLBZV9

This is actually a follow up to my last Q mission, which I think you played and reviewed.

As I mentioned in my thread about my mission I'm mostly concerned with how the dialogue feels, and if the plot and "moral" are adequately painted with said dialogue.

Hope to see my mission pop up in your queue.
Federation Mission - War and Q
Author: RogueEnterprise
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HUYCLBZV9

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission. The map design is excellent with good battles. The story dialogue draws the player in and makes them feel as if they are a part of the story. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes a great story combined with great map design and good battles. There was only one item that I saw that I felt needed to be addressed below.

Mission Description: This is a great description with a short but detailed story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue with excellent story detail which serves to entice the player to "Accept". I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Diplomatic Rendezvous: This is a great map design with some nice battles and good story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Battle of Sector 001: This is a good map design with great battles and well written story dialogue. The optional dialogue and mission tasks were good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Battle of Betazed: This is a great map design. I like the respawn point location after activating the generators. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Diplomatic Desperation: This is a good map design with a nice battle and great story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

U.S.S. Domina Justitia -Deck 18: This is a great map design with excellent battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Epilogue: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written and a nice wrap up to the mission story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The spawn point appears to be above the actual surface of the platform. When I appeared on the map the character dropped a meter or two.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You created a great mission as a follow on to your previous work with Q. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

No fooling, this critique report also filed 04/01/2012 on forum posting for: "War and Q" by RogueEnterprise.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 463
04-01-2012, 08:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCC-89471 View Post
OK, fair enough. One other thing:


No, I'm afraid this is another case of a trigger not working as intended (like the satellite autodestructs in Part I). I have a trigger point set up with a huge radius, so that the mine should explode as soon as you enter the debris field. Instead it doesn't explode until well after the bit of dialogue talking about the mine explosion.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, no, I can't just take this explosion out, because it figures in the story setup for Part IV.
Actually I wasn't wondering if you could take it out. I simply noted what I saw. As authors we understand that there are limitations, and the occasional bug that prevents us from doing certain things with our missions. I steered directly for the area on the map.

Here is why I made the note. There are two tasks named “Continue through debris field”. The explosion occurs during the execution of the second of those two tasks. I thought maybe you had selected the second task by mistake which is why I pointed it out. I did that myself on my mission “Contamination” by mistake. I figured it out eventually.

Anyway, I still like the mission and the series. Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 464
04-01-2012, 08:50 PM
By the way. I love the Fraps program. I use it all the time now to capture the dialogue of every mission I review. It has actually helped me a couple of times when questions come up.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 465
04-02-2012, 02:36 PM
Hi Evil70th,

I was wondering if you could take a look at my new mission "Treasure of Argelius II, pt.1". I'd love to get some expert feedback on it (and after 47 pages of reviews, you certainly qualify as an expert :p). Here's the mission info:

Mission Name: Treasure of Argelius II, pt. 1
Author: Captain.Hunter
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST- HSZ62UNET
Estimated Mission Length: 2 hours (if all optional material completed)
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post please

This mission is a follow-up to the official Cryptic episode mission "Treasure Trading Station" (Klingon Front assignment section). Thanks!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 466
04-02-2012, 06:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain.Hunter View Post
Hi Evil70th,

I was wondering if you could take a look at my new mission "Treasure of Argelius II, pt.1". I'd love to get some expert feedback on it (and after 47 pages of reviews, you certainly qualify as an expert :p). Here's the mission info:

Mission Name: Treasure of Argelius II, pt. 1
Author: Captain.Hunter
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST- HSZ62UNET
Estimated Mission Length: 2 hours (if all optional material completed)
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post please

This mission is a follow-up to the official Cryptic episode mission "Treasure Trading Station" (Klingon Front assignment section). Thanks!
Thanks for the review request. You are now 5th in the queue behind the 4 mission of AdmiralMurphy currently under review. I just got home from work after a long day. With luck I'll finish up his by this weekend and yours along with it.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 467
04-03-2012, 06:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
Thanks for the review request. You are now 5th in the queue behind the 4 mission of AdmiralMurphy currently under review. I just got home from work after a long day. With luck I'll finish up his by this weekend and yours along with it.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Cool, thanks!

(Although following AdmiralMurphy's really good series, especially the intense part 4, kinda makes me feel a bit like a brand new comic who has to follow one of Seinfeld's great stand up routines - lol. :p)
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 468
04-03-2012, 10:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain.Hunter View Post
Cool, thanks!

(Although following AdmiralMurphy's really good series, especially the intense part 4, kinda makes me feel a bit like a brand new comic who has to follow one of Seinfeld's great stand up routines - lol. :p)
Not to worry. I review missions on their own merits and not compared to others.

Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by AdmiralMurphy
Been checking out your reviews and I've enjoyed reading them! Keep up the great work!

If you could do a review of my latest series, "Terror Knocks at the Door" that would be great. It's a four part series, and I believe you need to be lvl 46 or higher. My @name is @AdmiralMurphy, and I would get you the code # if I could but I can't at this time.

Name: Terror Knocks at the Door 1/4
Author: Admiral Murphy
lvl: 46
Time: 45 mins -60, about your length of an FE.
Faction: Federation
Federation Mission - Terror Knocks at the Door Part 1
Author: AdmiralMurphy
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HNB3SM8P5

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with good map design, great dialogue, well designed maps and fun battles. I would recommend this mission to all players who like those elements in a mission.

I noted the use of the response button “Continue” on several dialogue windows. From my point of view it seems a little out of place, especially when being used by the player in response to a BOFF report. For me I use these points to further draw the player in and make them a part of the story. It’s not a huge issue but one I felt needed to be pointed out. However, in the end it is your story to tell and your decision on how to tell it.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a nice short description, but perhaps a little too short. Consider adding a little more story and intrigue to draw the player in. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue itself is well written, however the additional dialogue, in particular the "Please Note" might better serve its purpose in the description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good use of the mission task with a clear location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Operations: This is a nice map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue” for the “Commander Dall” dialogue seemed a little out of place. Consider changing it to “Acknowledged” or something along those lines.

Frontier System: This is a good map design with a couple of good battles to keep it interesting. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue” in general seems out of place in most circumstances but in response to a BOFF report seems way out of place. Consider changing it to an acknowledgement of the report.

Frontier Colony: This is a good map design with several good battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”. I will cover this in more detail in my summary.
-The “T’prel” dialogue; the NPC tells the player to travel south through the swamp but the map indicates we should head north of the current position.

Swamp: This is an interesting map design. The battles are good. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-With the battles at the end you should consider removing the note advising the player to leave the BOFF’s behind.
-Consider making the search location apparent on the map for the initial search.

Frontier System#2: This is a good map design with a nice battle and story dialogue to wrap up this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the mission design from the maps to the writing and battles. I look forward to playing/reviewing the remaining missions in the series.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/05/2012 on forum posting for: Terror Knocks At The Door (Foundry Series By AdmiralMurphy)
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by AdmiralMurphy
Been checking out your reviews and I've enjoyed reading them! Keep up the great work!

If you could do a review of my latest series, "Terror Knocks at the Door" that would be great. It's a four part series, and I believe you need to be lvl 46 or higher. My @name is @AdmiralMurphy, and I would get you the code # if I could but I can't at this time.

Name:Terror Knocks at the Door 2/4
Author: Admiral Murphy
lvl: 46
Time: 45 mins -60, about your length of an FE.
Faction: Federation
Federation Mission - Terror Knocks at the Door Part 2
Author: AdmiralMurphy
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPAEEUV5J

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission and sequel in the series. The map design is well done with tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written and intriguing. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who loves good map design, tough battles, and a good story. If that sounds like you then you want to play this mission and the series.

Some of the spawn points and map usage needs a little work. For example it seemed that the “Frontier Colony#3” and “Swamp Land” maps could have been combined into one map by using the area you send the player to trigger the map transition from the “Frontier Colony#3” map to the “Swamp Land” map. It seemed as if both map elements could have been combined into the one map, which saves map transfers for the player.

I mention the spawn point on a couple of the maps. Consider moving the spawn point on the “Frontier Colony#3” and “Frontier Colony#4” maps closer to the initial mission tasks for those maps. For the “Frontier Colony#3” map it would make more sense to place the player closer to the scientist since the lab equipment was also beamed down to her location. For the “Frontier Colony#4” it would place the player much closer to the action and remove the need to run half way across the map.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a nice short description. Consider adding a little more story and intrigue to draw the player in. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue needs additional dialogue in a similar way as I describe for the description. The post "Accept" dialogue is very well written; however consider changing the response button "Continue" to something more in line with the dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with prompt.

MAPS:
Medical Wing 2: This is a good map design with some nice tasks. I like the conversation with the patient. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

Frontier Colony#2: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is short but well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding the other colonists dialogue to a general mission task designed to help the colonists.
-The "Rilinka" dialogue; consider changing the response button "Alright, we're handle it" to read "Alright, we'll handle it".

Orbital Laboratory: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-Consider adding more debris in the passageway leading to the cargo bay.

Frontier Colony#3: The map design is good. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

Swamp Lands: Overall it is a good map design but it almost feels as if it could have been combined with the “Frontier Colony#3” map. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

Cave System: This is a good map design with some nice battles. The story dialogue is very intriguing and well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-Consider placing the “Access Main Computer” console on the platform so when the player goes up on the platform it is clearly visible.

Cave System Level 2: This is a great map design with some tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written.
-Consider placing some canister type object or something along those lines when the player places a charge.

Frontier Colony#4: This is a good map design with some tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving the initial spawn point for this map closer to the colony.
-Consider making the swarms separate tasks that trigger when the player arrives at the next fight location. There is a couple of the battles that were over before I got there and one where the support troops were wiped out before I got there.
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-The "Summergale" dialogue; consider changing "Know we know why the Undine targeted us" to read "Now we know why the Undine targeted us".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission sequel in the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing the next mission in the series.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/06/2012 on forum posting for: Terror Knocks At The Door (Foundry Series By AdmiralMurphy)
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