Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Any feedback would be really appreciated. Thanks!

Mission: The Needs of the Few

ST-HMXXUBCKU

Faction: Federation

Level: All

Description: A newly warp-capable species is in the process of applying to join the Federation. You are tasked with exploring their world and making a recommendation to the Federation Council.

Author notes: This is my second diplomacy mission. There is no combat and plenty of reading involved. In some ways, it is very similar to “The Return to Terra Nova,” as far as mission mechanics go. However, my goal was to center the mission around a choice, which I was unable to do in “The Return to Terra Nova.”

This mission is also my most issue-oriented story, meant to generate heated debates about relevant social issues of the past, present, and future. Please give it a try, and let me know what you think.

Also, please let me know if you spot typos. I’m still polishing the text, and I need help.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
03-15-2012, 05:32 PM
Liked the mission,did find a typo though when you respond with "that is legal under federation law" the ambassador says something like "yes we thinks so to" so yeah typo for think there but otherwise,quite enjoyed it.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
03-15-2012, 05:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ranger_Ryu
Liked the mission,did find a typo though when you respond with "that is legal under federation law" the ambassador says something like "yes we thinks so to" so yeah typo for think there but otherwise,quite enjoyed it.
Thanks! I will fix now. It's amazing how a second set of eyes finds what should be obvious, lol.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
03-15-2012, 06:06 PM
no problem,liked the choice you had to make at the end to,also one more thing Kirkfat your videos helped me learn the basics of the foundry so yeah,thanks
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirkfat View Post
I'll add my new one to the Q.

"The Needs of the Few"
Federation
Any Level
Category: non-combat diplomacy
Federation Mission - The Needs of the Few
Author: Kirkfat
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HMXXUBCKU

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is an outstanding mission from start to finish. The map design is excellent with great story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to any player who likes a great story with a wide array of branching dialogue combined with excellent map design. This is possibly one of the easiest missions I’ve evaluated in a very long time. I found no real items to consider changing.

Mission Description: This is a good description with a good warning to the player regarding the style of the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good use of the grant dialogue to give the player the choice to "Accept" on transmission. This is not bad but you may want to add a little more story to give the player a real reason to "Accept" the transmission. The follow on dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with any of the dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear indication of the start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Administrator Frell's Office: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very well done. I did note the use of the response button “Continue”; however its usage did not seem to be out of place. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Moldan City: This is a great map design. The story dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Trogelian Compound: This is a excellent map design, very intriguing. The story dialogue is very compelling and well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Administrator Frell's Office#2: This is a good map design with a very detailed story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Ready Room: This is a good map design and a great wrap to the story. The dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission just like your other work that I have evaluated. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 03/24/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
03-24-2012, 02:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
Federation Mission - The Needs of the Few
Author: Kirkfat
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HMXXUBCKU

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is an outstanding mission from start to finish. The map design is excellent with great story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to any player who likes a great story with a wide array of branching dialogue combined with excellent map design. This is possibly one of the easiest missions I’ve evaluated in a very long time. I found no real items to consider changing.

Mission Description: This is a good description with a good warning to the player regarding the style of the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good use of the grant dialogue to give the player the choice to "Accept" on transmission. This is not bad but you may want to add a little more story to give the player a real reason to "Accept" the transmission. The follow on dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with any of the dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear indication of the start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Administrator Frell's Office: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very well done. I did note the use of the response button “Continue”; however its usage did not seem to be out of place. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Moldan City: This is a great map design. The story dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Trogelian Compound: This is a excellent map design, very intriguing. The story dialogue is very compelling and well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Administrator Frell's Office#2: This is a good map design with a very detailed story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Ready Room: This is a good map design and a great wrap to the story. The dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission just like your other work that I have evaluated. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 03/24/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Thanks Evil! Was it a difficult choice for you?
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 7
03-24-2012, 02:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirkfat View Post
Thanks Evil! Was it a difficult choice for you?
Yes it actually was a difficult choice...

Thanks for authoring.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 8
03-25-2012, 05:38 AM
Wow, this could easily be the plot of a great TNG episode.

Loved how the society was so fleshed out and the 'shades of grey' involved. Fantastic work!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 9
04-25-2012, 10:14 PM
This was actually a difficult choice for me as well. Up until the point of choosing I was reasonably conflicted. It was also nice to witness my character showing some of that conflict through emoting by the window in the ready room.

Ultimately, I felt that the options presented by Federation membership (made easier by way of the Constitutional exception) far outweighed a negative review, since I feel that this world -as a whole- would benefit from the direct assistance of other Federation worlds which have overcome similar struggles in their past. So I sent in a positive recommendation.

I'll unashamedly say that on my first playthrough I beamed up the Trogelians as I was intrigued by the option (however ethically questionable) forgetting the implant and gasping in horror at the result. Yikes, that was an awkward conversation with Frell afterwards. ^^

I'm very happy to have played this, and grateful to you for making it available. It has taken its place in my top 5 favorite foundry missions.

Personal preferences: I would have liked to have seen more clutter in Moldan , such as benches, some plants along the center road, and people having idle conversations. An example would be a parallel of what you made for the religious preaching in the compound (say scientific discussions on the street). This would have further solidified in my mind the duality of this society when it comes to their beliefs (disease or no).
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 10
04-26-2012, 04:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by nynik
This was actually a difficult choice for me as well. Up until the point of choosing I was reasonably conflicted. It was also nice to witness my character showing some of that conflict through emoting by the window in the ready room.

Ultimately, I felt that the options presented by Federation membership (made easier by way of the Constitutional exception) far outweighed a negative review, since I feel that this world -as a whole- would benefit from the direct assistance of other Federation worlds which have overcome similar struggles in their past. So I sent in a positive recommendation.

I'll unashamedly say that on my first playthrough I beamed up the Trogelians as I was intrigued by the option (however ethically questionable) forgetting the implant and gasping in horror at the result. Yikes, that was an awkward conversation with Frell afterwards. ^^

I'm very happy to have played this, and grateful to you for making it available. It has taken its place in my top 5 favorite foundry missions.

Personal preferences: I would have liked to have seen more clutter in Moldan , such as benches, some plants along the center road, and people having idle conversations. An example would be a parallel of what you made for the religious preaching in the compound (say scientific discussions on the street). This would have further solidified in my mind the duality of this society when it comes to their beliefs (disease or no).
Thanks for playing and leaving great feedback. I wanted to make Moldan seem somewhat lifeless and sterile (like their scientific culture kind of is) as contrasted to the messy but organic and creative culture of the religious nuts.

But, I really appreciate all of the suggestions here.
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