Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajstoner
Greetings, good sir! I would very much like your opinion on one of my foundry projects. It hasn't gotten much play and has had mixed reviews from those who have tried it though I, personally, think it's one of my best.

MISSION NAME: AJS: Finding Resolution
AUTHOR: ajstoner
MINIMUM LEVEL: Game calls this a Lieutenant mission but it is designed for either teams or high level solo play.
ALLEGIANCE: Federation
ST-HDW83F7ZH
ESTIMATED MISSION LENGTH: 30 to 40 minutes
METHOD OF REPORT DELIVERY: Forum post. I am a writer and have a thick skin.

Many thanks,

A.J. Stoner
Federation Mission - Finding Resolution
Author: ajstoner
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDW83F7ZH

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with some good map design with some story to drive the mission forward. Make no mistake this is primarily a battle oriented mission and even though those are not my favorite types of missions I would still recommend it to other players who like those types of missions. However as most of the battles are currently designed I would not recommend it on “Elite” level. It was tough enough on “Normal” level.

In each of the maps below I mention the enemy battles need to be better balanced. What this means is while battling your way through a map is fun it needs to have some balance to give the player a chance, especially in the space battles. The placement of all high level group’s right on top of each other is a little too much. As I mention above and in the map section below, it is hard enough on “Normal” and would most likely be impossible on “Elite” level. Many of the ground/interior map battles where similarly out of balance with lots of high level mobs and some grouped together so the player is engaging several high level mobs all at once.

This brings me to my next point regarding respawn points on the maps. On all of the ground/interior maps I noted that the respawn point is located on top of the initial spawn point. If you are going to have such high level mobs, and if they are balanced mobs, consider moving the respawn points deeper into the maps. If you manage to fight all the way across a map and engage a high level mob, as you wear them down you get killed, respawn and have to run all the way across the map to find them back at full strength it can get tedious. This is what I mean by balancing battles and having respawn points deeper in the map.

This is a minor issue compared to the others above but I mention your use of the response button “Continue” on pretty much all the maps where there was dialogue. It is a pet peeve on mine but I feel there are better responses especially when it comes to BOFF report responses. I did make some recommendations on the first map to give you some examples of possible ways to use the response button.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Finding Resolution: This is a good map design with very tough battles throughout. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced. It is difficult enough on “Normal” it would probably be impossible on “Elite”.
-The post battle dialogue; consider changing "That's appears to be the last of them, Captain" to read "That appears to be the last of them, Captain".
-The use of the response button "Continue" for the post battle Tactical BOFF report. Consider changing it to "Agreed" or something along those lines.
-The post "Inspect the base" dialogue response button "Continue". Consider changing it to "It was one of our warheads" or something along those lines.
-The use of the response button "Continue". From this point forward I will note it on a map and will cover this in the summary above.

U.S.S. Resolution: This is a nice map design with some tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced. There were several higher level mobs.
-There is a wall with a door right behind the initial spawn point that is sitting in the air about 2m off the deck. You can see the original map door behind it.
-The only respawn point is on top of the original spawn point. Consider placing it farther into the map.
-The use of the response button "Continue"

U.S.S. Resolution 2: This is a good map design with some good balanced battles. This should be a pattern for balancing the other maps. It is a good mix of low medium and high level mobs spread out. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The only respawn point is on top of the original spawn point. Consider placing it farther into the map.

U.S.S. Resolution 3: The map design is good with some tough battles. The story dialogue is well written.
-The enemy battle needs to be better balanced. You have at least two high level mobs right on top of each other.
-The only respawn point is on top of the original spawn point. Consider placing it farther into the map.
-The use of the response button "Continue".

U.S.S. Resolution 4: The map design itself is nice but the map itself seems unnecessary for the very short interaction and dialogue. Consider removing this map and having the player find a console on the previous map to initiate the autodestruct sequence.

The Battle of Ker’rat: This is a good map design with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced. This is especially true on the final wave. You need to increase the Federation support forces level. As they are currently they get wiped out very quickly and the player is left to battle through the remaining forces.
-The use of the response button "Continue".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/28/2012 on forum posting for: AJS Mission Catalog.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by SBCouto View Post
Well, the challenge #2 is upon us so now I can finally release my mission for it.
You've already reviewed the Klingon companion mission 'A Klingon Ship Goes To War'

Now I'm wondering if you could review the main Fed mission.

Name: A Good Ship Goes To War
Author: sbcouto
Faction: Federation
Level: 41+

A distress call is sent with your name specifically asked for. When you reach the location of the distress call, you find yourself in a time-loop with only a human girl from the 21st century, hurt and lying beside a strange blue box of a ship, to help you.

This mission will be on once Wednesday April 25th officially hits my timezone.
Federation Mission - A Good Ship Goes To War
Author: sbcouto
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJCHGWP98

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is an excellent mission with great maps, good story dialogue and enough combat to keep it interesting. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes a good story combined with great maps and good balanced battles.

The only story point I would suggest looking at again is the reasoning behind taking a shuttlecraft vice the player’s usual ship. The shuttlecraft definitely would make the mission easier in some regards and harder in others. It felt odd for the Admiral to suggest the Captain take a shuttlecraft to investigate a distress call. With all the fighting, pirates, Borg and other things going on throughout the quadrant it seemed like it wouldn’t be a good idea to send a shuttlecraft to investigate a distress call. Perhaps change it so the Admiral was inviting the Captain to a conference in that system while his ship proceeds to Starbase 157 for upkeep and maintenance or something along those lines. Again with everything in my reviews this is just a suggestion.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description but consider shifting it around so the story description is at the top and the other information is below that. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is good but as with the description I recommend putting the story dialogue first and other information below that. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Alfavah Metrexis XI System: This is a great map design with an outstanding effect and execution of the explosion of the planet. The battle was good. The story dialogue is good. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The response buttons "Analyse the warp signatures" and "Analyse the plasma signatures" and "Analyze the power discharge". Realizing the "Analyse" is a UK English spelling and "Analyze" is a US English spelling, consider standardizing all of them.
-For the Planet explosion, consider setting up a trigger for the dialogue so the player can observe the explosion. Perhaps a large invisible object that becomes available once the planet blows up. It could be labeled “Tactical Officer Report” or something along those lines. This would allow the player to watch the planet blast and breakup.

Alfavah Metrexis XI Ground: This is an excellent map design with a good battle. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post “Scan Surface” dialogue; consider adding a space between the sentences “inside than the ship itself” and “Bigger on the inside”.
-The post “Defeat Borg Drones” dialogue; consider adding a space between the sentences “My name is Daisy” and “From Earth, London, England, 2012”.

Alfavah Metrexis XI System#2: This is a great map design with a good battle and excellent map usage to tell the story. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Defeat Borg" dialogue; consider adding a space between the sentences "through time and space" and "Something fired at us".

Borg Unit: This is a very detailed map design with lots of enemy units to avoid. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Borg Space 2: This is a good map design with a tough battle to avoid but still very well done. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Alfavah Metrexis XI System#4: This is a nice map design with a good battle and the optional assistance is a good touch. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-This map is labeled “#4” but the previous version of this system was “#2”.

Borg Cube: This is a great map with good balanced battles. The story dialogue is very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Alfavah Metrexis XI System#5: This is a good map design with a good wrap up battle. The story dialogue is very well done and a nice wrap to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-This map is labeled “#5” which is off based on the previous map note I made on “Alfavah Metrexis XI System#4”.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I liked the Doctor Who references too. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/29/2012 on forum posting for: A Good Ship Goes To War.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 563
04-29-2012, 12:02 PM
Thanks for the review. You picked up on a few errors that I completely missed. Will change them soon.
A few of the story issues I can't, such as you being sent to reply to a distress call.- that is part of the Foundry Challenge requirements.

And because of the limit on Foundry objects per map, the space interior maps were too tight for regular ships with slow turnrates. Escorts work great, though I'd suggest upping the difficulty. I suggest avoidance more than direct contact with the shuttles or I gave support.

Thanks again!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 564
04-29-2012, 12:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SBCouto View Post
Thanks for the review. You picked up on a few errors that I completely missed. Will change them soon.
A few of the story issues I can't, such as you being sent to reply to a distress call.- that is part of the Foundry Challenge requirements.

And because of the limit on Foundry objects per map, the space interior maps were too tight for regular ships with slow turnrates. Escorts work great, though I'd suggest upping the difficulty. I suggest avoidance more than direct contact with the shuttles or I gave support.

Thanks again!
Glad I could help, and I understand the limitation of the Foundry Challenge. Still it's a great mission and I really enjoyed playing it.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain_Revo
Hi Again,

I would like to request a review for my new mission. Thanks.

Author: Captain_Revo
Title: The Fire In Which We Burn
ID: ST-HEWWXAD89
Faction: Klingon
Min Level: Any
Start Location: Chos Nebula - Omega Leonis
Duration: 45 mins
Request made: Forums
Klingon Mission - The Fire In Which We Burn
Author: Captain_Revo
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HEWWXAD89

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission. I highly recommend this mission to all Klingon faction players who love the sting of tough and glorious battles combined with great story dialogue and excellent map design. Creating a good Klingon mission is not easy but you definitely pulled it off. The mission has a very familiar flavor to it stemming from the roots of the episodes of the “Enterprise” series. I won’t say too much more and risk giving a spoiler.

There were a couple of places where you used NPC, non-story line driven dialogue. This dialogue would be available for the player to talk to at any point during the map. Most of the NPC dialogue was nice filler and helped flesh out the story; however the issue I mention is a result of the dialogue being optional on the map and therefore it would not disappear. There are ways to trigger optional map dialogue that once read through disappears. I used it on my mission “Contamination” after reading through some articles on here and Starbase UGC about optional dialogue and interactions. It works well and gives a layer to the story that truly allows the player to retrieve the optional dialogue if they go looking for it. I felt that your story might benefit from these triggers as well.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location of the first custom map. I one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing “Go to the Chos Nebula” to read “Go to the ChoS nebula”.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Kell'taQ System: This is a good map design with a good battle. The story dialogue was well written even though there was some use of the response button “Continue” it was appropriate for the dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Facility Interior: This is a great map design with lots of glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written and your use of the response button “Continue” is appropriate for the dialogue it followed. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider making the optional "Talk to Klingon Scientist" dialogue triggered map dialogue so once the player talks to the scientist the option disappears.

Timeship Mobius: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider making the crew dialogue triggered map dialogue so once the player talks to the crew the option disappears.
-The "Captain Bronan" dialogue; consider changing "outpost in the Chos Nebula" to read "outpost in the ChoS Nebula".
-Consider changing "in the Chos Nebula" to read "in the ChoS Nebula".

Alternate Kell'taQ System: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "Now it's little more that rock and molten larva" to read "Now it's little more than rock and molten lava".

Na'kuhl Ship: This is a good map design with glorious battles. The story dialogue is very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Return to Kell'taQ System: This is a good map design with a glorious series of tough battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Ready Room: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue that serves to wrap up the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job in developing a great Klingon mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/29/2012 on forum posting for: 'The Fire In Which We Burn' Now Live.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 566
05-01-2012, 10:55 PM
My second one is, hopefully, finished!

If you want to do a quick run-through of the first one, see if I missed anything in my edits? Your choice on that, though.

Mission Name: Frankenstein Ep. 2: Monster
Author: Stargate525
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Fed
ST-HNDG3IBIR
Estimated Mission Length: I'm guessing about an hour?
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 567
05-02-2012, 02:36 PM
I just finished one I've been working on for a long time and I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Mission Name: Unification
Author: Vulcan.Skon
Minimum Level: 16
Allegiance: Fed
ST-HOL6PGXTJ
Estimated Mission Length: 20 minutes to a half hour, perhaps longer if you really take your time.
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 568
05-02-2012, 05:04 PM
Ah, I clearly overlooked this thread.
Well, if someone offers to review a mission in detail I won't say no.

So, this is my first foundry mission.

Mission Name: Broken Wings of Pegasus
Author: Crazy_Borg
Minimum Level: 16+ or above
Allegiance: FED
ST-HALK3TWBL
Estimated Mission Length: about an hour
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

I will appreciate any improvements you may have. I haven't played many other foundry missions before, so I don't know what has or has not been done before.
Please do your magic.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 569
05-02-2012, 06:21 PM
Hey Evil70th;

I've just publish one more mission.

This one is an entrant into the GoS Ferengi contest.

It's called 'The Honour of Profit" and I was wondering if you could review it for me?

Thanks.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 570
05-02-2012, 06:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by stargate525 View Post
My second one is, hopefully, finished!

If you want to do a quick run-through of the first one, see if I missed anything in my edits? Your choice on that, though.

Mission Name: Frankenstein Ep. 2: Monster
Author: Stargate525
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Fed
ST-HNDG3IBIR
Estimated Mission Length: I'm guessing about an hour?
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Hi Stargate525,

Thanks for the review request. You are first in the queue so I hope to get to your mission starting tomorrow evening. I’ll post it here shortly after I’m done.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
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